A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,I've been on a rut for 3 years but I'm trying to rebuild myself and my life now that fell apart. I've felt boredom and loneliness are eating me now. Tired of the same routine of work-home-sleep-repeat. At the same time, I haven't dated for a year and I really miss having a partner again now. But I feel like my hormone got killed or something. I was in a toxic relationship previously and I decided to stay single and commit celibacy for the last one year. I don't wanna whine too much but I really need help.Does anybody out there feel the same thing? Can anyone of you share how to cure this boredom and loneliness outta you? I I feel stuck and I want to ignite that sense of adventure and fire again within me. How to get unstuck in your life?Thank you so much. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): Well, for starters, you are doing the right thing by seeking help. Congratulations on that. You can branch out and socialize at a pace that is comfortable for you. I don't know the specifics of the issues in your last relationship but there are online resources such as secret or closed Facebook groups where you can at least meet people online in a safe more anonymous way, ESPECIALLY if you use a nickname instead of your real name. There are also support groups complete with online meetings and everything. One support group that I feel applies to pretty much anyone whether in a relationship or not is Codependents Anonymous. Codependency comes in many forms is usually at the root of most conflicts between the people in our lives whether it is family, friends, neighbors, work relationships, etc. I'll bet if you were to try about 5 meetings you will find SOMETHING interesting to help you cope with solitude or even improve your social life. You may even learn how to cope with things in your past. You may even meet someone. I think the goal is to work on being okay with yourself first before working on finding someone to "complete" you or to solve problems. I think I heard it said once that there is independence, codependence, and interdependence and I think interdependence is the healthiest. When we can be content in our solitude, that is where we find serenity. Good Luck. Your story will be in my thoughts.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 July 2014):
 And when you are home alone try jigsaws, sudoko puzzles and logic puzzle books which are great way to spend time doing these.
With Christmas approaching if you have any skills to make Christmas decorations to sell on Etsy.com you could also build up a profitable side business.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 July 2014):
Give yourself credit for the fact that you are in employment. That does allow you to see others during the day. Good mental health is assisted by talking to multiple people each day. A hug or two a day does help you to feel less lonely - so if someone you like offers you a hug then do hug them back.
In the immediate aftermath of your previous toxic relationship I will offer the following suggestions:
1. Vary your routine. If you normally go to lunch at one place then choose to have your lunch in a park.
2. If at lunch time you normally do X then try doing Y or Z for a change. Challenge yourself. If there is a scenic tourist bus that people can board or leave at any time then take a trip on one during your lunch break.
3. Challenge what you choose to eat. Try a new fruit or a new vegetable that you have never tried on about 4 occasions.
4. Enroll in a class to learn a new skill - like framing pictures or learning to do water color landscapes or wood carving. This will get you mixing with others.
5.Volunteer at weekends on a local community project
6. Resolve to learn a new language. Choose a language where there are many local people who you could practise your skills if you went shopping in an ethnically diverse farmers's market. If such a market exists in your area.
7. Join a Zumba class or a belly dancing class.
8. Redecorate a room at home. Repainting a room can give you an emotional lift.
9. Go for a 30 minute walk before breakfast and then do your cool down exercises in a park near your home.
10 Join a choir if you can sing and it will get you out and you may enjoy the company.
Good luck with this change of focus for you. We meet the nicest people when we are having fun.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (10 July 2014):
 I have a similar routine - work-home-dinner-watch movie-sleep. Lately I've incorporated going to the gym too. However, I don't find it boring at all. Often times these few activities fill up my night and before I know it, it's almost midnight and bedtime.There are actually many activities out there, especially with it being the Summertime. There are dinner events for singles; or take a local group tour around a nearby city; if you're more adventurous, take a cruise or travel to a foreign country and take a local tour - I've met some very nice people while in group tours and we still keep in touch. Attend a local church. Participate in your local red cross for some charity work. Or just simply take a cooking or arts n craft class. The most important thing is to take that first step and get out of the house!Best of luck!!
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