A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been with my amazing boyfriend of 3 and a half years and we are more than happy. I am a black female and he is a white male and we constantly receive horrible comments and a few uncomfortable stares in restaurants, beaches, cinemas etc. I am from a very multi-racial background and grew up with multiple friends of many different races. My boyfriend is also from a multi-racial area but not as much as mine however when we are in certain areas of his county and/or in surrounding counties its a little upsetting. My bf is emotionally very strong whereas I'm not so strong and it does get me down and I can tell despite being strong it does get to him a lot. We are both deeply in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together but these comments hurt. I know most people will say "ignore it" or "don't mind them" but its easier said than done especially when its constantly in your face. I just want to be able to walk the streets without verbal abuse.What would you all suggest?Thank you in advance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): I also happen to think it is all in your mind. People can be looking at you for a multitude of reasons dont misinterprate them all in bad way. The verbal comments are probably made by some dilenquent youngsters who like to shock others by their misbehaviour, which you should be clever enough to ignore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): I'm so sorry your going through this but ignorant people are ignorant people they judge others on the colour of their skin or disability, honestly you will not be the only peeps in their firing line .
I know it's hard when your in the firing line but your gonna have to either say something or shake your head and walk on head held high . Don't let these idiots mar your wonderful loving relationship ..
Chin up sweetie x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): I am bi-racial, and my parents endured much during a different era. They simply stuck it out in spite of the dirty looks, whispered comments, and stares. You can't control how people choose to express their opinion of you as a couple; you can only control your response or reaction to it.
How many times have I even been asked, what race or nationality are you? Blunt curiosity to the point of ignorance! Why? So you can decide how to judge or treat me?
People have begun to express their racial-bias and bigoted contempt freely here in the United States. More than ever before; because there was a political campaign that gave bigotry an open platform. There has been a resurgence of racial-prejudice; and people insulting people publicly. Saying awful things.
Truthfully, it was always there. Just disguised by political-correctness, and hidden behind a facade.
If you decide you want to date inter-racially you just have to deal with the consequences. People will be people, and if you show weakness you only enable them. You can't do anything about it; unless it comes down to a hate-crime.
You can't have a white boyfriend then knuckle-under the minute someone stares in disapproval. It takes their power away when you ignore them. That just happens to be all you can do about it. You avoid places you sense a high level of animosity. That's only common-sense.
You can be strong and power through it, or you can let them decide for you who you should care about. I wouldn't be here if my parents weakened to public opinion. My mother is 100% Native American, indigenous to this country. Yet they are like shadows in our society. The growing and unsettling xenophobic attitude towards immigrants is, "people should return to where they come from?"
Seriously?!! Europeans who settled here are immigrants! Some people were imported here as slaves!
This behavior does not reign in the majority of peaceful, kind, and intelligent Americans. It's a toxicity that permeates society all over the world; that cannot be completely removed. You live happily and freely in spite of it. The point is to intimidate you.
Be strong or give-in to them. It's up to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): Im not sure where you are living but I find it very shocking that people would make comments to you for being in a mixed race relationship. I would suggest the best thing you can do is hold your head up high and ignore any ignorant remarks. People do stare at people for all sorts of reasons though so if someone stares at you i don't think you can assume it's because you are in a mixed race relationship. It may just be that you are extremely attractive!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 July 2017):
 Verbal abuse when you're walking down the streets? Really? It's that bad? I'm surprised reading about this because I hadn't thought that discrimination on this basis was so extreme. I'm sorry you've had to go through this but really you have to learn to ignore it. Remember, people can only hurt you if you allow them to.
Exactly what is it that people have told you? And why do you think they're looking at you because you're a mixed race couple? Maybe they're just looking in your direction and you think it's directed at you because of a past bad experience?
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 July 2017):
 If it is really too much to bear then you have to move to where you will be accepted. Any reaction to your abusers will only bring more insults.
If that is out of the question then being involved with your community softens attitudes. If there is a way to contribute that will make you appreciated and win you friends and allies in the neighbourhood.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 July 2017):
 I am amazed that this still happens. Where on earth do you go to receive this sort of abuse? When popular media is full of mixed race relationships, and most of us frequently see mixed race couples, I am amazed that people still find it something to even notice, let alone comment on or abuse.
I live in the suburbs of a large city and mixed race relationships are so common that most people don't even notice them as anything unusual.
What "horrible comments" do you get? Can you and your boyfriend agree to stand together against people who make these comments and shame them publicly on their attitude?
As for stares, perhaps people are just staring because they see two beautiful young people together and it is not anything nasty? Could it be that you have got so sensitive to this that you see abuse where it is not even intended? I mean, we all stare sometimes. I have stared myself if I see someone unusual or gorgeous. I don't stare because I have any antagonism towards them, just because I am intrigued by them.
When all is said and done, you cannot control what people around you do or say. Your strength lies in how you react. You can CHOOSE to be upset or not. Next time it happens, say to yourself "I choose not to let this rude person upset me or spoil my evening" and try to forget about it. You are happy with your boyfriend. That is all that matters.
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