A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How to cope with a girlfriend who cheated on you and then left you for someone else?Please help. I was with my ex and I thought everything was great. She blindsided me by cheating. Before I found out about it, she broke up with me what felt like out of nowhere. I found out about the cheating later that night through someone who saw the whole thing taking place and contacted me via Facebook to let me know. When I confronted her about it, she denied it at first, then eventually fessed up. She then bawled her eyes out and begged me to take her back. Said she was so sorry. I considered it like an idiot, but within a few days, she had already changed her mind and left again for that other guy. Within a few days of cheating on me for this guy, she was already posting she was in a relationship with him, so they'd already made it official. How could she do that? How could she move on to someone brand new in literally the blink of an eye? She hurt me badly. This time last week, we were together. Now, she's posting pictures of her and this new guy all over fb. I know this because my friends, despite me asking them not to, have kept showing me the updates and pics. How do I deal with this? It's so much to swallow. I've been cheated on before. That hurt like crazy. But I've never in my entire life been cheated on and left for someone else. It's a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. Her best friend has been messaging me, telling me she thinks I was the only guy her friend has ever been with that was good enough for her. Telling me how well I treated her and took care of her. That I was intelligent and respectful. And how she hates this new guy and thinks he's a total idiot, and wishes this never happened. That gives me a little ego boost, but nonetheless, the ego is still totally shot right now. I've never experienced this. Any help to regain my ego at this point would be amazing. I need anything. Because it really took a blow this time.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, facebook, move on, my ex, swallow Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (18 May 2015):
Dear OP,According to your ex's best friend, you are an intelligent, respectful man who treats his girlfriend well. A true gentleman in the best sense of the word. Your ex doesn't seem to be happy, and I am sure she is NOT, if she has to rub her so-called happiness all over facebook. If she was full of joy, why show everyone?I don't know what to advise you, because I'm sure a break-up like that hurts like crazy. So, all I can say, is that it sounds your ex made a stupid mistake, and she needs to face the consequences of this now. And you have proven more than once, that you're a good person. Maybe sometimes even giving a bit too much of yourself to people who don't deserve it? If I had one advice, maybe it would be to look for a very honest partner and to check early in the relationship if she's as willing to spoil you and treat you with respect, as you are willing to treat her. If your relationships have a tendency to be one-sided and you are taken for granted too often, work on being more self-assertive and saying what you want and need. You don't have to become a cynical a^^hole, for sure. But you should look after yourself and say "no" every once in a while.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 May 2015):
People tend to think that when they get cheated in they did something to deserve it. The reality is that cheaters cheat, regardless if how good you are too then.
So, don't take it personal, it's not you, it's her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 May 2015):
 I agree fully with WiseOwlE
It may not seem like RIGHT NOW, but you REALLY DODGED a bullet here. Imagine having married her, having had kids and THEN she pulled this number?
She is messed up and selfish. WHY would you want to be with someone like that? Who just uses people like pawns in her little 3 ring circus?
Don't get caught up in her best friend's little drama llama show either. Telling you that you were the ONLY guy good enough to deserve this girl is BULL-CRAP.. YOU... are too good for this ex. She deserves the bugger she is with, if she wants to run to you for "comfort" when crap hits the fan.. tell her to go buy a new fan.. Or even better block her. As for her friend, tell her, thanks for wanting to update me, but I am no longer interested in hearing about my ex gf, so no more updates. And then CUT of that "friend" and block/delete the ex and anyone associated WITH her who aren't YOUR friends.
LET IT ALL GO.
She didn't CHEAT because anything YOU did. SHE made that choice and she probably will again on the next and next guy.
THOSE are HER actions - don't own them. And DO NOT beat yourself up over this.
Chin up. Spend time with family and friends. Don't go look for a new GF yet, not till you this ex out of your system.
It does get better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2015): You use the bitterness to get-over her that much faster. What good is dwelling on the fact she found someone else? She was going to sooner or later anyway; and so will you, eventually.
Crying and begging to be taken back was just a performance. It was a ploy to prey on your sympathies and defuse your anger. Lighting up Facebook with her new guy is just to show you how quickly she has moved-on. Facebook is not the hotspot for reality. Things are never what they appear.
Nobody is as happy as they are in their pictures. It's just feeding the pigeons. Don't be a part of the flock.
So use that crap to motivate you to get-on with YOUR life. Cope with "your" life, you don't have to worry about her anymore. She's a liar and a cheat.
She left you for someone else. New life-lesson learned. Stuff happens in life. It's never happened to you before.
Well, now it has. Deal with it. Be strong!
At this point, put your pride and ego in-check. You're much more complex than those particular aspects of your personality. You're a man. Let the raw emotions run their course, don't fight them. Bottling it up will only make you feel worse. Stay busy and active. Do the things that bring you joy; even if you have to push yourself to do them. That will fight-off depression; and keep you in charge of your feelings while they fluctuate. Give it time. There is no-way to get-over someone overnight. Anger will make you do and say stupid things. Get a grip! No drug or alcohol abuse. No drunk-texting, or making public scenes. Maintain your class and good character. You still have to work and pay the bills.
As for the "friends" who keep you updated on her, man-up and insist they cut it out!!! Quell the gossip! It's none of their business, and they're feeding on the drama and your reactions. You can control that!!!
Cutoff contact with her best friend. She's just being an undercover reporter keeping your ex updated on what you're up to. She may even be plotting to play on and take advantage of your rebound feelings. Don't even go there. Best friends are loyal, not back-stabbers. No-contact includes the friends of your ex! Travel in a different hemisphere for the time-being. Give yourself some time and space for healing.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2015): Cold treatment. Supa cold.Your "friends" should NOT show you pics and updates if you already asked them NOT to do that. Just look them straight in the eye and say : "I don't care. I don't care what she/they are up to." and turn around and walk away.They will get the clue.Same thing happened to me (well, reverse the genders, but yeah he cheated + left me for her).I think some of my friends wanted to show that they were on "my" side, but had no clue how damaging this "keeping me up-to-date with what they are up to" was.Also, seriously, I think that one guy who was a friend was trying to gauge my reaction- i.e. see how vulnerable I am, so he can be there to "console" me.Funnily enough, in your case, I think the best friend is doing that by flattering you.I'd say f**k the best friend if you get the chance. Satisfying as hell. Plus,if she appreciates you more than your ex you might have a better relationship.You don't OWE anything to your ex so I'd say go for it. Friends are often attracted to the same type of girl/guy as they're friends in the first place based on commonalities (normally).So IF this BF is showering you with attention- go for it.I think the male anon didn't get you- you want to "get over" that sucky feeling. The hurt. The pain.I'm afraid you can't. Or not that quickly. It's been only a week!!For me, a year on, I feel, I'm starting to get out of the maze. What I genuinely think would help? Lots of horizontal fun. Don't lead anyone on,plz, but they're plenty of people who are not looking for relationships but just "fun".If they're looking for a relationship, leave them, let them find it with someone else and concentrate on yourself till you can find the ground under your feet again.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2015): You dont cope with a girlfriend who cheated on you and left you for someone else,you consider it over.And you get out there and meet someone new.And put your pictures up on face book , but dont friend this ex..over is over ..and you move on emotionally just as she has done.Failing that you pine and be miserable for months, possibly years even.
...............................
|
