A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's a cliche question, but I gotta ask it!I've been with my partner for 8 years now. First few years, very hot and heavy - we couldn't keep our hands off each other. You know, the honeymoon phase.I don't expect things to stay like they were, I know the honeymoon phase dies out as the relationship matures.. but I'm in awe of how other couples keep regular sex in their schedules!We have sex maybe once every couple of months and it pales in comparison to what our lovemaking once was. It's much more mechanical now.How do other people keep the sexual side of their relationship alive? I can't imagine my life without my boyfriend and he often says the same about me. There's no doubting we love each other very much. But household chores get in the way! Work gets in the way. You get home at the end of a day.. you make tea.. you clean up tea.. you have a shower. My boyfriend works two jobs and has several other projects on the go (saving to build house) and so he's straight onto the PC as soon as he's eaten tea and showered. By the time we hit the sheets, we would rather just go to sleep. And we don't even have KIDS yet!Is anyone else stuck in this rut? I envision everyone else, based on the discussions I hear in public, going home and romping multiple times a week. SO jealous :(Look forward to hearing your feedback.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Ah yes I hear you… we have had similar issues and are only together a couple of years… We have talked about it and it came out that he was not feeling good about himself (he’s gained weight) and he was depressed. And I was feeling unwanted. So we’ve talked and now we are both making an effort to be more affectionate again and attentive.
Our timing still sucks most of the time but at least we are on the same page more so than not again.
BEST advice… MAKE DATES for sex…. The rule in our house is written in STONE… “Sunday mornings are for blow jobs” and that is how I wake him…. If something else occurs… great…
HUMP day celebrations are also nice and I tease him about it sometimes…. But bedtime never works for me and mornings do not work well for him… so AFTERNOON DELIGHT it is…
The hell with TEA honey… go home have sex THEN clean up THEN HAVE TEA…. Who said you have to make love at bedtime….
It’s NOT unromantic to schedule dates for sex if you are married and live together, it’s often a necessity.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 June 2013):
 You ask: "How do other people keep the sexual side of their relationship alive?..." (My answer).....
HOW do you keep the "hygiene" part of your relationship alive??? That is... how/when do you and he bathe, brush your teeth, get a haircut?????? YOU MAKE TIME FOR IT!!!
I'll never understand people who can make time to get their cars detailed... never miss a hockey game.... go out drinking with their "friends" EVERY Friday evening.. and NEVER miss!!!
How... OH, HOW... can these same people not figure out how to make, say, 20-30 minutes every day (or, at LEAST more often than "....once, every couple of months"....) THIS for the greatest and warmest, and most delightful activity that two people who are in-love can enjoy with one-another...
This submittal/reply is simply my question about this. Myself? I've got a delightful woman friend who .. we could not IMAGINE getting out of bed in the morning until and unless we have had an intimate encounter together...
WHY doesn't EVERYBODY do that?????
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2013): "How to bring back the 'honeymoon phase' in an 8 year relationship?"
Get married and go on a honeymoon.
"I can't imagine my life without my boyfriend and he often says the same about me. There's no doubting we love each other very much."
Then why not tell the world by publicly making a legal and spiritual lifetime commitment to each other? That should put some excitement back in your lives.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Schedule time for sex.
Yes, it sounds unromantic, but you -have- to force yourselves to carve out time to work on building intimacy and romance. One day a week, take the time out to do something together, even if it's as simple as ordering pizza and watching a movie in the house together...make sure there are no phones/computers/other electronics involved. Cuddle up with each other, talk and try and create a space where sexual intimacy would be natural.
The long-term health of your relationship depends on your desire to maintain it, much like a houseplant, a relationship needs to be "watered" with intimacy in order to survive.
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A
female
reader, Queen_mermaid  +, writes (7 June 2013):
First thing you have to do. Take out time for each other. With so many works you will never be able to revive the old spark again in your relation without making any efforts!Why not taking a few days off work and spend a bit of time with each other to get out of this daily routine.Okay so your boyfriend gets straight to pc after work. Why you don't do something that he will not be able to resist? For e.g wear a sexy lingerie with a hot sexy red lipstick (men really get turn up with red lipsticks!!!). You can also change the environment of your room itself. arrange your room with some red flowers, candles, air freshners....Wear perfume and all...and torment him a little to be after you...let him chase you around once you see he can't resist you.I know all this needs time!! but you have to take out time!! leave all the household chores and make your relation special atleast once a week!!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 June 2013):
 So when dealing with a sex life stuck in a rut, the thing most people assume is that they have to spice up the sex, which doesn't really do much. It's a temporary fix. The real trick is to spice up the rest of the relationship and the sex comes with it. The honeymoon phase is so fun because it's new, so you need to add that newness elsewhere.
For instance instead of going out for your usual weekend date of dinner at a favorite restaurant and maybe a movie, go for a bike trip to a new part of the city. Instead of going straight home after work, meet up at a new park and people watch and go for a walk. Coupling a new place plus physical activity is best because it will release endorphins. It doesn't have to be strenuous, just walking around is enough.
Because the real key to a great sex life is not all about the actual sex, a lot of it has to do with how you feel about each other outside the bedroom. When my bf and I get home from work and go sit on our computers and ignore each other, there's not going to be much sex happening. But when we go for a walk through the quirky Korean part of town and buy some sort of weird beverage that we can't identify and then get lost, there's way more "chemistry" there.
As for the housework, the more you're out of your house the less the house gets dirty anyways.
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A
female
reader, WishAlot +, writes (7 June 2013):
 I'm basically in the same situation.
But I've only been with my bf for 2 years and we are already there.
Im the one who constantly wants sex but as you said by the time he's home from work, helped me wash and dry dishes (as I cook) showered etc all he wants to do it sit and watch tv or go to bed.
I wish I knew how to spice things up again. We went from having sex 4/5 times a day, to once a day to once every few weeks...it sucks =/
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