A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a happily married female. I work in the same department as my husband. However I see him a couple of times throughout the day. He has his own group of friends and I have my group of friends. However I am starting to become very attracted to a male coworker who is also a friend just at work. My husband also has a female friend who is also very attractive and we get along great she is married and sweet. We are all a happy group. However I find myself staring at this male coworker constantly when he's around and I love flirting with him because he is just so cute and a single young dad. Is this wrong? My husband talks to my female friends and his friends but I am not jealous at all because he's a good guy but I tend to have sexual thoughts on my mind when I am around this particular guy? I love flirting with him and I see him looking at me too but a lot of the guys at work are afraid to flirt with me because my husband is very well respected and very muscular!!! Please help
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at work, co-worker, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Yup. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Because as soon as you know it, you will be having sex with him.
I started flirting with my married co-worker. It escalated and we are now fooling around.
This is what will happen eventually. No doubt in my mind...
And the fun will be followed by pain.
Be careful.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 You ask: " Is this wrong?"
Yes... it's wrong... and you, clearly, KNOW that it's wrong. IF you are on here trying to score validation for your behaviour.... then, perhaps, you will find one or more other Aunts or Uncles who will give you that (validation).... BUT, you won't get it from me....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2013): You are a wife with a roving eye. Your flirting extends beyond the boundaries of innocence.You're horny for the guy at your job. You're at your sexual peak, and you want to act out on a fantasy. I also think there is a hidden reasoning behind it.I think deep inside you resent your husband's affiliation with other women. I think you have a subconscious suspicionthat he's cheating with them. You suppress it out of denial, in order to deal with it.That's because you feel helpless and think there is really nothing that can be done about it. It's the reality of things, so you have to accept it. That doesn't mean you don't genuinely like his lady friends.You want to get back at him for forcing it down your throat; and you think he's flaunting his strength and virility. You'd like to pluck some feathers out that peacock's tail.Secretly you want to get back at him. You'd like to deflate his ego and emasculate him. Not in a vicious way, only to take a little wind out his sails. You feel he thinks he's having his cake; but using muscle to keep hands off his pretty property. That's you. A pretty little bird in an ornamental cage.You loathe his arrogance. That doesn't mean you don't love him. Something must be lacking in the bedroom; if you're so attracted to this co-worker. People rarely want to cheat when they're happy at home. So you're "married", maybe you're "happy' that you're married; but that doesn't necessarily mean happily married.Has sex with hubby lost its magic? What makes you want to be a bad girl and do the nasty with a guy at work?It would give you a sense of satisfaction if you and the guy did have a tryst; then you'll feel you've gotten even in the event your husband has been successful at cheating, and never got caught. It would also boost your ego and self-esteem to know you're still attractive to men outside your marriage. Is it really worth the risk, if you're happily married?I think controlled flirting is healthy, as long as you don't cross any professional or marital boundaries. A woman needs a boost to her ego, to know men find her attractive, and she can still make a tent in his khakis. You have to be happy with the fantasy; but not physically execute your thoughts. Once you cross the line, you can't turn back. You're officially a cheater. I think your motivation runs deeper than you're admitting.I'm gathering this from certain comments in your post. You know it's wrong, but that's what makes it intriguing for you, and it adds to the sensual fantasy.Your marriage is under "subliminal" stress, and people often act out when they are holding things in denial. For all practical purposes, you have a good marriage; but for some reason I think you feel smothered, controlled, and resentful. You feel like a possession. You can't stretch.You and your husband need to go on an extended holiday to work out some kinks. He needs to develop some new moves to make you feel special and awaken what's been sleeping within you. You need to admit to yourself you don't like those bitches swirling around your sexy husband. It's okay.There are swingers and swappers. Their depraved behavior has consequences. What they do, started from where you are now. Sex becomes more important than their marriage.When things reach that extreme, those pathetic people lose all sense of reality. They think they are having fun and still have a marriage. They're lying to themselves and each other. They just don't have the facilities to commit, or to control their impulses. They don't want to split their property in divorce. Might as well, if you live like you're single.Staying committed is hard work. The objective is to love each other and grow old together. Fooling around will only hurt your marriage.Don't do anything that you'll regret later.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 June 2013):
 IF you do not EVER plan to do anything other than FLIRT... AND you are very blatant about being happily married and it's just work flirting... I have no problem with it.
I am an outrageous flirt. I flirt all the time at work, at conventions, in front of my husband and when he's not around.
IF I am flirting with a person who is not aware of my marital status (HAPPILY MARRIED, not in an open relationship and NOT interested in anything even remotely emotional or physical) I make sure to mention my HUBBY early on.
IF you think it's wrong, then there is a reason you are uncomfortable with it. I've had flirtations with guys that once I realized THEY were taking it the wrong way I put an end to it. A crush is fine. Even having occasional sexual thoughts is not my concern.... BUT if you think it's wrong and you are wondering if you are doing something wrong then perhaps you are overstepping the bounds....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2013): "starting to become very attracted to a male coworker"
Then no, it's not okay to flirt with him.
My fiancée is a flirt by nature. It's just how she likes to interact with people and she finds it fun. But she doesn't flirt with guys she finds very attractive because that becomes something else and actually feeds into that so much feelings can develop. It's funny actually, I can tell when she finds a guy handsome as hell because she acts very matter-of-fact with them, keeps her distance a bit and cuts any sign of flirting from them down by not responding.
OP by flirting with this guy, you're feeding your crush, your feelings are building aren't they? They may well build to the point where you and he find yourself alone and with opportunity and it takes one second to ruin your marriage, your job etc. One tiny moment of weakness and just not stopping him and your life as you know it now is gone.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 You are threading on very dangerous grounds. Ar eyou open to having an affair, then I suggest you continue flirting. If not then you need to keep away from him and interact if required by work and keep it very very professional. Read the list of affair, not many find peace or happiness especially with the person they had an affair.
Start paying attention to your husband and work on your marriage. The only reason you finding the attarction outside your marriage as something is missing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2013): Just stop it. You are inviting trouble and you know it. Other people will be attractive for the rest of your life, but when you are intentionally flirting with them, you are crossing marital boundaries. There is nothing wrong with talking and joking with people, but it reads like you are playing with fire and you want to see how close you can get... and for what exactly? You say your husband is very well respected? How about creating the same thing for yourself. Flirting with other men, married men or anyone does not make you a respectable person. It makes you a trouble maker, someone who needs attention and before you know it, the office tramp. Nice.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2013):
 All you can do is behave yourself and let the crush run it's course.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Hello, One of the first statements that you made in your question was that you were happily married. While flirting makes the heart pitter patter a little faster, it can also escalate into something quite unfortunate in your case. A happily married person would not exactly flirt with another man unless something was terribly missing in her marriage. You are putting yourself, your job, your marriage, your husband's respect and your own at risk here because of flirting with a co worker. Office flirtations and romances are generally shyed away from for this exact reason. Should a relationship (a non affair ) one not work out and things become ugly, it ends up being quite an uncomfortable place to be. And you would be surprised what your superiors would say about it as well. I really would suggest that you stop this sooner than later. Trust me when I say that it will escalate if the flirting continues. Everyone is in a confined space and it will be known eventually. And like I mentioned before...is this worth your marriage falling apart? The only reason that you aren't jealous of your husband talking or interacting with other women is because you trust him and he has given you no reason to not trust him. But can he trust you? Flirting is only the beginning. I need you to understand that...you are a grown intelligent woman and can't be foolish enough to think that you can stop the inevitable....you are already having sexual thoughts about this man.I suggest avoiding this gentleman if your marriage means anything to you ...and your job. Take some time for yourself and assess what is missing from your marriage that this man makes you feel. Then ...sit and have a chat with your HUSBAND and sort the void out and reconnect. Because....if you are honest with yourself....a happily married woman has no time to flirt with anyone else....she would be too caught up with loving her husband.Wishing you well.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Is it wrong? Do you seriously need to ask?
You're playing with fire and sooner or later you'll get burnt.
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