A
female
age
30-35,
*ryslew
writes:I met a guy we're both in our 30s. He gave me his number once, i never called him and then a couple weeks later he approached me agian, we exchanged numbers and talked/texted all day. I think he's cool! The next day he asked me out. I said i wanted to get to know him better. He said ok.The day after that he told me he loved me. Everyday he tells me, he loves me and he misses me. He made it clear that he does not want sex. We went out once. We met up and a coffee shop, talked, hugged goodbue and that was it.We stopped talking for 2 weeks because I wouldn't agree to be in a relationship with him. Not because I don't like him but because rhis is unfamiliar.I always believed that falling in love was a process that took time getting to know a person. I question his genuine feelings and he gets offended.He offers me everything and i turn it down. He wants to buy me all this stuff and take care of me but I'm afraid.He says that he will wait until I'm ready. Anyone ever hear of such a thing. Thank you so much
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female
reader, cryslew +, writes (22 February 2018):
cryslew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your help. When in doubt... Cut him off
A
female
reader, Heartlove +, writes (22 February 2018):
First of all he sounds nice ... but in this day and age
I would have a professional background check done.
Sound extreme... not in this day and age .
You can see if he's a player on the internet,
Criminal records etc he moving way too fast.
You're smart to hesitate. Put your feelings on hold
And do your due diligence... . Love waits he shouldn't get offended.
Could be a great guy etc and all will be a math made in heaven.
Pay the money ... check him out. Go slow.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): He doesn’t want sex because he wants to show you he respects you and desires a serious relationship with you. If you feel he’s moving too fast, tell him so. He may feel so sure that he wants a relationship with you that he feels the need to secure it, by rushing. I’d be more weary of distance than what he is showing.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 February 2018):
 I'm heading down a different path here.
I find this guys "overall" behaviour quite odd and i'd advise you to not head anywhere alone with him, certainly not at this stage.
Obviously, this only applies if you were to see him ongoingly.
Personally, when a guy falls for you so quickly, this can be a huge sign that he's very co-dependant and emotionally immature/needy.
The term "Mummy's boy" can ring true here, so be very careful as to how you approach this.
You are right in your suspicions and concerns.
I don't think that he's trying to buy your love as such, however, his behaviour almost sounds like a form of pre-preening/grooming, prior to trying to make further moves and what exactly those moves are, one can only surmise, but somehow my gut is telling me, be cautious about this person.
He's coming on too quickly, too soon and he doesn't appear to take "no" for an answer, not to mention, he cannot seem to handle very well, you wanting too much of your own space/time, away from him.
He hasn't said this in the direct form i know, but underlying, this is the message he's sending you.
He comes across as very patient, nice, somewhat possessive, quite persuasive and the fact that he's willing to wait/give you all the time you need, sounds a bit odd.
You may not even be remotely interested in seeing him ongoingly, YET, from HIS words, he is telling you indirectly, i won't go anywhere, i don't want you to go anywhere and i'm willing to wait as long as i have to, so in the end, i get what i truly want, YOU!
He may be a totally sincere guy and yes, we should always give everybody the benefit of the doubt and not jump to judgement and irrational conclusions, however, this guys behaviours/words do sound not of the norm.
I'm sorry, however, this guy sounds a bit weird, bec he wants to do so much for you and if you so much as to say anything that he disapproves of, he gets offended.
You wouldn't go out with him, so he was offended, you then question his sincerity and he gets offended.
I can see an emerging pattern here. Sure it's quite subtle for now, but have you ever thought, what if this were to escalate into something very serious, ie:dangerous?
Please be careful and tread lightly at this stage of your connection.
Nobody can know this guys exact modus operandi, except himself.
All the best and let me know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 February 2018):
 Just take it slow. It's a huge red flag to confess love so early on, regardless of wealth. Either he genuinely thinks he is in love, which is a mental stability concern, or he's saying it to rush things. How many other women must he have told he loves them in a matter of days? It's up to you if you want to be with someone like that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2018):
 If you otherwise like him, continue to date him but tell him you WISH to take it slowly... AND... take what he says with a grain of salt.
He might be in love with the IDEA of being in love and the fantasy of who he WANTS you to be.
But if you DO read up on people who scam women & men - they use a "technique" called love-bombing - where they seem to FALL in love head over heels instantaneously and that results on the other person compromising their common sense and general smarts.
That doesn't mean HE is a scammer, he might just try and create "instant romance" because that is what he wants or... he might use the ILY because he KNOWS that many many women fall for those words, WANT to hear those words.
Just go slow. And don't let him TRY and push things. Get to know him. Maybe he just a bit impulsive? Inexperienced? or desperate... you will only know by taking the time to get to know him. Which means SPEND time with him IN person. Just perhaps... avoid sex until you feel comfortable with WHO he is.
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A
female
reader, cryslew +, writes (21 February 2018):
cryslew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHim offering women gifts or sharing his wealth maybe a tactic that he uses to get women. I'm sure most women would be all over that. A wealthy guy, who claims to have enough head over heels for you and give you anything you wanted. It's been a month and I'm seeking advice not walking down the aisle so clearly it's not what you assume BUT you're the wise owl hahaha
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A
female
reader, cryslew +, writes (21 February 2018):
cryslew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe point of bringing of the fact that's he's loaded was in response to someone saying that he was trying to use me or get something from me. He doesn't need anything from me. I offered to buy him coffee, he declined so we went Dutch because I don't need anything from him. The question was how soon can someone fall in love and that turned into he's a user, abuser, fraudulent immigrant who's going to steal my identity lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2018): I don't care about how loaded he is, or if he has a clean record. I don't care that he shares mutual friends. Nobody falls in-love so quickly; and he shouldn't be verbally proclaiming it when you've only been dating a short-time.
You don't feel it for him; so until you can return or reciprocate those same feelings in equal amount. IT IS TOO SOON!
Don't want people (or lead them on) for what they have materially or for what they can do for you; want them for who they are, and have a genuine feeling in your heart for them.
Saying you don't want anything or need anything from him is questionable. You shouldn't have brought it up if that was the case. It wasn't only in argument that he doesn't want anything from you. It doesn't prove he wants love either. The subconscious-mind doesn't lie; it's the conscious-mind that tells us we think one thing, but the truth sits in the back of the mind and the bottom of our hearts. His wealth has impressed you. He's counting on that.
He's a nice guy for all you know. Everything would be fine if not for his prematurely deciding he loves you before giving you a chance to decide the same about him. Using the word love is how some men intoxicate, blind, and manipulate women. He's deciding for you, how you "should" feel about him.
If you ask me, in his mind, I think he believes he has taken claim and ownership. Love isn't the word.
It's as if he has laid claim on you like property, and he doesn't care how you feel about him. He's counting on his wealth to bait you in. Well, I surely hope that isn't the case.
You may submit to it and go for the gold, but happiness will not follow if it isn't real. Love will not be there for both of you; if you are accepting him for what he has. If you didn't feel something was wrong, you wouldn't have written a post about it. It's your choice no matter what. You asked for advice, and here's food for thought.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 February 2018):
"He said all he wants is a beautiful girl who cares for him. He said that's what's missing from his life" - that's not specific. He wants a beautiful girl who cares for him? What about common interests? A woman with ambition? A woman who has a good sense of humour? Who works hard? None of that? Just "beautiful and cares for him".
Just take it slow, OP. He's trying to buy you with gifts. Add that to "love" so soon is a huge red flag and shows he's desperate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2018): I had a very intense relationship with a man I hardly knew and remember I wrote on here about it after he started being jealous. Everyone said dump him or he was scamming me etc. I'm still living with him 5years later. I think you really need to lusten to yourself on this not other people. How do you feel about it? If you think its odd then that's your own alarm
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (21 February 2018):
 Personally I would be wary about someone who just suddenly decides he loves you. The first relationship I was in told me very early on that he loved me. Turned into a serial cheater and was just using me.
My second relationship again told me early on that he loved me. It made me nervous however he was sincere. We have been married awhile, have a house and a preschooler.
Take it slow with this guy. You both do not know each other and it would better to wait to see what his real intentions are before you invest yourself into him.
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A
female
reader, cryslew +, writes (20 February 2018):
cryslew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe video chat when he's home, doesn't appear to have a woman there. He talk while he's at the laundromat and running errands. Seems like a single normal guy to me. I agree that it's too much to soon though. Here in my state you can search the database for convictions, arrest and court case. Everything is clean. I asked around, no one has anything bad to say about him. We went to the same highschool so we have mutual friends he seems pretty solid but love? Idk
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A
female
reader, cryslew +, writes (20 February 2018):
cryslew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the replies! Ok so he's not a weirdo. We have mutual friends. He doesn't need anything from me. He has a good job, we talk during his shift and my brother in law works there as well. He owns homes, my friend rents from him. He's pretty much loaded with cash. I was thinking crazy things too, like what does he want from me. He said all he wants is a beautiful girl who cares for him. He said that's what's missing from his life
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 February 2018):
 There is such thing as love on first sight, or total clarity in guy’s mind that the woman is the one he wants to settle with. Your guy is of that age. However, love is patient and not pushy so let’s suppose he is genuine... he should know not to move so fast because those feelings may have not been formed in your mind. Granted, he is expressing patience, so take it! If your feelings aren’t formed for him, there is no need to plunge. If you feel comfortable enough to contribute dating, than do so but be sure your feeling are confirmed before you go forward.
Some here may get an impression that the guy is some sort of a weirdly nut job for expressing his feelings that way. Perhaps he is, but we don’t know that. I think you are sufficiently smart to decide if he is weird or not. But to answer your question, yes, there are instances in which men have clarity on whether they want a particular woman or not.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 February 2018):
 Your instincts are correct, and you should end things with this guy.
He is trying to manipulate you with "I love you's", gifts, and so on. I'm not sure why yet, but I'm curious about it.
If sex isn't on his cards, he's either lying about that, OR he wants you for another reason, such as he's not a US citizen, or he's already married and foresees a downturn in his finances. Or, he's hiding from someone. Or, he wants what YOU have, meaning he could steal your identity and take out loans and take your money, and he's buying you gifts to lure you in and the money is possibly stolen or gotten through criminal means.
For someone who says that they "love you", their reaction to you wanting to take it slow is the most telling. His response is a SELFISH one, and true love is not selfish.
At BEST case scenario, he's a flake. Words come cheaply to him, and he falls in and out of love lightning quick, which is not healthy. At worst, he's a manipulative con who is preying on your loneliness.
Either way, you're quite correct. You are going too fast, and his behavior is erratic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2018):
It's WAYYYY too much and WAYYYYY too soon.
He doesn't know you, and you don't know him. So if he is in "love" it's with his own FANTASY of you, not the real you.
Wanting to buy you all kind of stuff... again, no.
For me those are red flags. I'd tend to agree with WiseOwlE that something is either wrong with him or HE is desperate to be in a relationship.... OR he is REALLY desperate to con you.
There is a reason YOU are holding back and a reason you are asking what others think, Because deep down you know this is iffy.
Sorry, he is trying WAY too hard. So what is he hiding?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 February 2018):
 I'd steer well clear.
He doesn't even know you. I always think people that say they're in love after ridiculous amounts of time either are up to something bad or have little to no experience with the other sex.
You sound smart or else you wouldn't be questioning it. So you know yourself that something isn't right here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2018): [EDIT]:
"He's either touched in the head or no-good."
Don't linger around too long. It will get harder to make him go-away. Now is not the time to be afraid to offend him or hurt his feelings. It's best to handle things while they are manageable and still fresh. Don't give him time to get too attached. It's not the right kind of attachment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2018): It is way too soon. He hardly knows you. You're not even sure of your own feelings. He's either touched in the head or now good. Professing love to people you hardly know is unhealthy.
Don't fall for the premise of love at first sight. You can't love someone you don't know. You can be instantly attracted or feel lust, that's far from something as deep and profound as love. Love requires time to be established, you need familiarity to know what it is you love about the person. Most importantly, you both need to feel the same for each other.
I don't think this guy is playing with a full deck, he's way too desperate. I think you need to back away before it becomes an unbridled infatuation. That's where obsessions and stalkers come from.
Players know women like to be told they're loved; and some guys are infatuated with beauty and your physical attributes.
You really shouldn't have to ask such a question. Does it make sense to you someone is "in-love" with you, and he hardly knows enough about you? A few conversations and meetings are not enough. If he gets offended, then that may be an indication he's a little off, maybe worse than that.
Step-away while you can.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 February 2018):
Falling in love IS a process and genuine love DOES take time. If someone confesses it quickly, it's out of desperation or infatuation. That's why "love at first sight" is actually just "lust at first sight" because you don't know them - they could turn out to be unhygienic, nasty, abusive or a criminal.
He may even be saying he doesn't want sex to make you think he's just a nice guy who isn't into using women, so you'll naively initiate it.
He wants something. It's not you specifically because you don't know each other. I'd block him, to be honest.
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