A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupid people,I know another 40 year old virginity rant but ah well - tis unique cos its all about me this time :) Basically I am a 24 (and 3 quarters) year old virgin although I'm not terrible looking and I have had ex's who have offered to be my first. The problem is that now that I am getting older and meeting new guys - they all assume I've had sex and I guess you could say I let them believe it because they don't have a big invest in my life yet to share each and every detail. Plus, it's a bit embarrassing to be a virgin at a certain age publicly but privately I am quite proud - I'm not a religious nut nor am I over analysing the importance of my virginity. I am holding out for someone I love and trust, I know sex isn't going to be all fairytale-y or that the guy is most likely not going to be prince charming :) Basically I want to know how soon should I tell a partner I am a virgin into the relationship because I don't want them running for the hills with MY secrets but I don't also want them to try to get me in the sack ASAP when I am not ready. I am happy the way I am and when I'm ready to take that next step I will. Also, how do you know you are ready to take that next step?Thanks xxfrom another not quite 40 year old melodramatic virgin :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): I think it would help if you just warn the guys very early in the dating stage that you're not gonna drop the drawers any time soon.
Tell them firmly that you won't be having sex with him until you have known him for at least a few months. Just tell him that's the way you have always done things.
This isn't the whole story, but it's enough to shoo away the vast majority of the guys who would have a problem with it. If they are willing to wait a few months then they are probably not gonna mind someone without experience when the time comes.
A
female
reader, 7up +, writes (17 September 2009):
 hey hunni, im in my mid 30s and just told my bf yesterday that im still a virgin! i felt so much embarrassment in doing so since he's 5 yrs yonger than me and has had quite alot of sexual partners, but he loves me and was really sweet and understanding about it. I've only been with him for 4 months.
I think the timescale in which you tell someone doesnt matter, its about if he is the right person (if your in love or a serious r'ship thats going somewhere)
as for knowing when you're ready, that is all dependant on the individual, i know im not ready yet but when i am i will let my bf know. You will know when you are ready, you will complete trust in him and feel comfortable and if he loves you he will make you feel totally relaxed and special.
good luck hunni xxx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 When you meet a guy and you think he is the one, I don't think it will be that hard to tell him.
I assume you sre going to take your time getting to know your BF before even considering sex.
I see nothing wrong in staying a virgin either. That is just having a strong set of morals and values.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 September 2009):
 In my opinion, you are doing just fine, and all you need to do is hook-up with a man who truly cares about you and shows it in many ways. Basic romance novel kind of stuff, but not quite so intense or perfect as usually portrayed.
Relationships, even marriage, are rarely if ever perfect, but can be wonderful and very healthy. Just be open to real love potential from a sweet and caring but virile man. And perhaps give some of those types a smile or wink even if they are not the best looking or most popular. There, you may find a truer, lasting love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I didn't wait for the right man and I applaude your decision. There are many people out there who have very limited sexual partners in life and are pleased to meet others. I am 48and have only had three partners in my life. My 54 year old boyfriend has had four. We both had only one until our late 30's. No need to discuss your sexual status or to have sex for that matter until you are comfortable enough to discuss birth control and STD testing with a potential partner. You'll know when the time is right when you meet the right person. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (16 September 2009):
 I'm 25 (and I half, I guess), male, and a virgin. I HAVE done oral in both directions (though 90% in favor of recent girlfriend, probably less than 10% for me). But I have never penetrated, and have held that back for marriage, and am still holding it back.
I don't keep it secret, from anyone. I don't go around telling everyone randomly, but if it comes up in a conversation, I'm not going to hide it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): You shouldnt worry about that at all. I am a 21 year old virgin and its even harder for guys to say that. I have found an amazing girl though and when are both ready I know it will be amazing. I am like you, everyone now a days just cares about sex. I want to share it with someone I truly love and not just any girl who is willing to do it. I think you should just always be open. Try not to really talk about sex or anything like that at the beginning. Just try to get to know them and understand the kind of person they are. Then later if it ever comes up, just be honest with them. They wont run for the hills knowing you are a virgin and if they cant respect that you want to wait for the right person than they dont deserve to be with you either. Find someone who is absolutely comfortable with it, respects your feelings about it, and then you will finally be able to be with someone. Chances are if you meet new people and sex is the first thing they talk about, you probably wont want to be with them anyway, so just wait a bit and get to know someone before you let them know.
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (16 September 2009):
If you're worried about your secret getting out, then tell him when it becomes relevant.
Otherwise I see no reason to withhold the information.
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A
female
reader, Tarianna  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 I dont know about you...but if I'm going to get into a relationship with anyone and I see where its going...like if its turning out to become intimate....I just tell them know I'm a virgin....if the guy that you are with runs for whatever reason i dont know..then dont waste your time on him....if he starts pressuring you all of a suddenly...red light should be going off...cause you know that guy just want to tap that an run....but if it turns out you tell him and he doesnt have a problem with it or anything...and you tell him that you want to wait till marriage even if you dont have that intention and he still doesnt have a problem with it...give him a couple months or if you cant wait more than a few week and see if he starts acting up...then you can lay him if analysis is correct...anyways best of luck to you...hope you dont give it to any low down good for nothing who just slipped right through...P.S. am a virgin too...I hope i last as long as you...(btw and all my male friends who know me or be looking to get me know am a virgin...i use it sometimes as a detterent)TMI?
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