A
female
age
41-50,
*rissy1974
writes:I am so sad, feel like such a fool, so angry, and so hopeless, and alone. I met jeremy 10 mths ago. We clicked right away. same taste in music, movies, books, and more. Same sense of humor, views on life. We became best friends and were in love. Well I was. Truly in love. I still am. I can't just turn it off. We live in diff states but saw eachother monthly and talked before work and right after work up until we fell asleep. We watched movies together on the phone. He said forever. He would always ask me why I loved him. He always would worry id leave him 4 another guy. He was very worried about it for the first 4 mths. Then he stopped worrying. His last visit at the end of august he gave me a big hug and kiss and we he left. The next day it all changed. The following day and for the rest of the time we were together which was just this past sat he barely called me. He was always annoyed with me, mad at me, or behaved as if I was a bother. It was crazy. He said he was going through problems with his custody battke he was in and that's why he just needed time to deal with it or he'd lose me cause he was being so horrible to me.Three wks went by and I happened to look at our phone bill. N it was in my name, we each had a phone. The entire time since he got back he had been texting a specific number. I called it. He had started cheating. I was in denial and stalked him by phone and text. He ignored me. I began stalking her. I was insane with hurt, disbekief and rage. I found out he spent the night eith her last night. She let me know in a text today. He called me after that and told me to keave them alone and that we were not working out. We were so happy. It was working. The day vefore I saw the bill he texted me saying he loved me and was calling me babyI suffer frim severe depression and have been on medical leave for 5wks now cause of it. I go back to work next Tuesday. I'm afraid I'm shutting down. I gave up my friends for him. I'm all alone. I spent so much money on him and feek so used, tricked and uneanted. Ehat did I do to him? Hoe could he hurt me and act like ititd my failt. I caught him so its all turned around and its my fault. He is focusing on how I was bugging them acting like I'm nuts and he hates me. What happened. I don't wanna eat and reakky haven't. Only slept a few hours, and I mean this since sat. I'm shutting down and I'm scared
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best friend, money, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): I know exactly how you feel, i'm going through a heartbreak too. You must cut all contact from that person block them out otherwise you will never be able to move on, wondering what they are doing etc. It will do you good to get out of the house, start an activity you have always wanted to do. Make a list of things that need to be done or things you want to do and follow it. It is better to keep busy rather than let it overwhelm you. I should probably follow my own advice...we have to remain strong it will get better.
A
female
reader, krissy1974 +, writes (16 September 2009):
krissy1974 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really didn't think that anybody would answer my question, at least not 4 a long time. I reall y want to thank those who took the time out to offer me suggestions and support. I really do. To think, just when my opinion of not only men, but people has reached an all time low, total stranges step in to comfort me. Thx so much. I go to my doctor this Friday as well as my therapist which can't hurt right? Well I appreciate u all, kristin
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): PS, I am glad you are going back to work soon, you need something to take your mind off of this, and sitting around isn't going to do it.
Get some sleep, have a glass of milk before you go to bed, it will help you calm down and sleep. Do not drink any booze either, it will only make you feel more depressed and disturb your sleep during the night.
Run a fan for some steady white noise, make sure your room is dark enough, no TV before bed, read a novel until you feel sleepy and I think those things will help you sleep.
We all go through heartbreak at one time or another, you are not the only person certainly that has felt this badly, trust me, you will be fine, better than fine if you try to put your focus and energy on you.....you deserve it. And you will find love again, and it will be better the next time around. You will choose better, you will know yourself better and what works for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Hi Krissy,
No you are not a pathetic psycho. It is just that you were triggered to check up on him when you saw the phone bill and his behavior had changed and you found out that he had someone else and you are hurt of course.
How do you get over something like this? First I would suggest you take anything he has given you and put it away where you can't see it as these things will trigger bad feelings in you. Delete his phone number or block it if you can so you don't drunk dial him and do not have any contact with him at all. Do not look at any social web sites he may be on, your goal is to get him out of your life and to move on....the more you try to find out what he is up to or talk to him, the longer this will take and the worse you are going to feel.
It is normal to grieve a loss, especially when he is trying to make it all about you. You do know he is just doing that because he knows he was a jerk to you and he can't admit his own responsibility to you or he would have to feel guilty. He will in time, feel guilty...and worse.
I am sorry to say, but long distance relationships are really hard and they don't work out unless the two people are really commited to making it work and one of them makes the plunge to move where the other one is.
It sounds like your relationship was long distance from the beginning. Is this right? I think this guy just told you what you wanted to hear to keep you around, and he was probably dating at home, too, I mean it would be easy to do since you weren't around. He is going through a lot if he is the midst of a custody battle, he brought a lot of baggage to this relationship with you.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I think you probably dodged a bullet, I hope the next time you get involved with a man, he will be in your own home town.
If you are feeling really badly and desperate, try not to be alone at those times, call a good girlfriend to spend the night with you or go to your parents home or something. Call your doctor if you are antidepressants, you may need to add something to your medications, or change something about them.
You will feel better in time, but you have to first try and accept this break up as much as you can for now, and get angry at him for treating you this way. You didn't do anything wrong at all! And being mad is one way to get through your sadness. Because depression is anger turned inward on ourselves. You are mad, this sucks!!! He sucks!! So don't hold that feeling down, don't act out on it, but allow yourself to feel mad at him, it is motivation to move on with your own life and put your focus and energy where it belongs, on YOU.
Take care of yourself, and you have to eat something. If you don't feed yourself you aren't going to have the energy to feel better. Have some soup, icecream, milkshake, cereal, mac and cheese, something comforting, you deserve it.
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male
reader, rockhard  +, writes (16 September 2009):
ok im here to help first of all this guy obviously was a busy man and he really ruined your life but things go on girl you cant keep hurting yourself over him like i know what its like but when things like this happen you need to say to yourself- boy oh boy he was a waste of my time. you gota move on and me being a guy i know what being a meany feels like but you cant let this kill you it just wasnt meant to be im sorry just try to cheer up and things will work out fine trust me
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female
reader, krissy1974 +, writes (16 September 2009):
krissy1974 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is krissy1974. I got so into my story I forgot to include my question. Whow do I get through something that has stopped me dead in my tracks?am I a pathetic psycho cause I couldn't leave them alone and I couldn't accept that it was happening? Is it normal to feel as the future is filled woth nothing but lonliness and misery cause the more my heart is broken the worse and worse I get
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male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (16 September 2009):
that's terrible! No wonder you feel like crap.It goes without saying that you're better without him. But unfortunately, truly convincing yourself of this and letting go of the horrible things you must feel will not be as easy as acknowledging that fact.You're going to have to work on it, one day at a time. Just know that you _will_ get through this. Work at it slowly. Every time you find yourself thinking about him, STOP! It's perfectly ok to feel shitty, but trying to make sense of it in your head and trying to understand it will screw you up even more than the sadness.You need to find things to do to distract yourself. Go for a swim at a beach/lake. Go for a run. Read books (not love books). If possible, get back in contact with some of your friends, they can help you through this.The only way to beat this is to attack it one day at a time, and by doing your best to avoid thinking about it. Don't let this shut you down.You say you suffer from depression since before this happened.. you need to address this. I'm not suggesting drugs or therapy, but you do need to find a way to get over the depression. Find things to help you break the cycle.You can get through this. You have to get through this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Men can be such assholes, and there's very little us girls can do about it. I really hope you feel better soon. X
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