A
male
age
,
*yonsdown
writes:I'm writing to see what you guys think of me and my partner's financial situation.My partner's house is paid for, with no debt. She works 2 days a week, on a lowish wage.I'm self-employed, so my income is varying, but works out about £40k a year.We don't actually live together, but i'm at her house most of the time.I pay for our holidays and whenever we go out to eat or drink I pay the bill.That leaves her to pay for food and electricity/gas.Does that sound fair, or should I also contribute towards her food and fuel costs?Remember I still have my own house which I pay the costs of my own gas/electric bills.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 I don't think it's exactly a case of " fair ", it's more about it is doable or not.
If all your gf can count on moneywise is 2 days a week at a lowish wage, that's just barely better than being unemployed and incomeless, so no way she can comfortably afford feeding another adult. Well, maybe technically she can, but then she's really reduced to the breadline, everything becomes a luxury and having to , say , have a tooth pulled out, or buy a new pair of shoes- or perhaps even just a new pair of underwear , can become a worry that keeps you awake at night.
You don't want to see your gf struggling , right ? So make sure that you pay at least for your own food, if not for hers.
The fact that you are offering vacations and entertainment, well, that's nice, but it does not really factor in . It's like you were a millionaire buying her jewelry - surely with all that money you are spending on bling bling , it is "fair " if she at least pays for your meals, right ? ... In theory it is fair, -in practice it's not. Your financial conditions are too different. Food and fuel etc. for two put on her budget a bigger dent , in proportion , than a few shopping sprees put on yours.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): "I'm writing to see what you guys think of me and my partner's financial situation."
"How should we divide up living costs in our relationship?"
What partnership? What relationship? You're not legally married or even officially shacking up so the two of you you have no financial obligation to each other, implied or otherise, therefore no shared "financial situation."
When you invite her out for dates, overnight or not, you pay the entertainment expenses, as is expected when you act as host and she as guest.
Only one way to form a legal "partnership" or legal "relationship" and that's a legal "marriage" where what's yours is hers and what's hers is yours, otherwise known as "joint" financial assets and "joint" financial obligations.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 What we think doesn't really matter, the opinion that matters is that of your partner.
Also, you don't mention what is happening to the house you own, are you getting an income from that, ie getting rent or other? Or is it sitting empty and just costing you money. Have you and your partner actually sat down and done the sums? Have you and she worked out what percentage of her wages goes towards food? Towards utilities, does that included telephone and internet access? What about wear and tear on her house, towels and the like are going to need replentishing more often if there are two in the house instead of one.
So what if you are paying gas and electricity on your own house, if you pay less than you use at her house that means she is in effect subsidising the gas and electricity at your house.
As for the holidays, who decides where and when you go, is your partner often reminded that you are paying for the holidays or is there a genuine recognition by both of you that these are part of your contribution towards the running of the house/relationship.
These are just some points to think about when you discuss what your partner feels is a fair division of the bills and responsibilities.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 It sounds okay I guess, as long as you're not eating her out of the house. Going on vacation might not be within her budget from the start, so I don't know if you can say "I pay for vacations, you pay for food", if she to begin with doesn't have enough money for a vacation. What I'm saying is, can she afford to pay for your food?
It comes down to how much you can afford and if you are managing, the both of you, or if you are emptying your Wallets. It isn't about fair to me... It's more about how much can you afford to pay. If you can't afford vacations then don't pay for them, regardless of how much food she feeds you. And vice versa. If she can not afford to keep you with food then she can't afford it, simple as that.
I think you need to have a talk with her about this. But as long as you are both happy with the way things are then everythings good.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Hi
It sounds fair to me as you pay for the holidays and entertainment.If you were living together as a couple it would be different.However if you felt the need you could surprise her now and again with a few bags of groceries.
What does she think,thats more important?
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