A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi My ex-boyfriend AND me were together for 6 years on AND off. He wasn't a great boyfriend, he made promises he didn't keep but mostly he's a good soul. We live in different countries but the flight was cheap AND only an hour long so it didn't bother us. We both have family ties at home which made it difficult for us to live together but he always promised we would. He said I was the love of his life AND he would do whatever it took for us to stay together.To cut a very long story short, he's spent this year messing me around AND hurting me so I called it off. I don't think he meant to hurt me so I said I'd stay friends. We talked almost every day for 3 months, we made plans to go to a football match together next year AND he said that he would never fall out with me, ever. Our last conversation, he asked me to come over or could he come over to me. I said no because I knew it would cut like a knife to see him AND have to let him go again, we still love each other. He ended the call saying talk to you later. That was weeks ago now, I have sent him a couple of texts saying "Hi, how are u?" but he's not replying. I don't know what to do now, I understand the no contact rule AND I do agree with it, but all I want is a text to say he's ok as this is so unlike him. Do I just take it for granted that he is ok and move on? Or do I keep trying to contact him when he obviously doesn't want me to? I've even checked the news for where he lives to see if he's been in an accident. It's a painful mess at the moment, I can't believe he was telling me how much he still loved me AND how he always wanted me in his life days before doing this. Sorry this is so long, thanks for reading it :)
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cheap, different countries, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): Hi oldbag thanks for your advice, he didn't want to meet me to fix things but you hit the nail on the head. I think even though I broke it off with him I hadn't accepted it was the end and I was still waiting for the phone to ring. I've deleted his number now and I'm just not going to worry about it any more :)Anonymous male reader, you are so far off the mark. I have no issues with my self esteem or my self respect, I have healthy amounts of both. My ex is not a "loser jerk" as I said preciously he is a good soul and he does demonstrate this in his life.The on and off thing was one year long break up 3 years ago, we both dated other people and I've never been anyone's "plan B" I am certainly not at the mercy of other "loser jerks" either. To give you the benefit of doubt, I was worried and hurting when I posted the question so maybe I came across that way.I think your advice was a little harsh and judgemental, however, I will give you one thing, he probably is in another woman's bed! Maybe you could do with a little counselling yourself? You seem to have anger issues and you appear to lack empathy. Maybe you disagree and that's just the way YOUR point came across? Thank you for taking the time to post anyway ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): "Do I just take it for granted that he is ok and move on?"No, you take for granted that YOU are OK and move on; don't worry about him, he'll land on his feet (or in another woman's bed, where he probably has already settled in). "Or do I keep trying to contact him when he obviously doesn't want me to?"No, the one thing he wants from you is for you to keep trying to contact him when he obviously doesn't want you to; that way he knows he still has a hold over you so you'll always be there as ever-reliable fallback Plan B, likely as you've previously served during previous "off" stretches. "I can't believe he was telling me how much he still loved me AND how he always wanted me in his life days before doing this."It's called "lying." Lots of scumbags engage in it to exploit lonely vulnerable women lacking self-respect and self-esteem. I politely and respectfully but firmly suggest you seek counselling. If this loser jerk doesn't come back to weasel his way back into your affections and bed, some other loser jerk will spot the same weaknesses that he will use to push your buttons and pull your strings, leading to yet another disastrous long-term "on AND off" unhealthy dysfunctional relationship.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Hi
I think when he asked you to come over and you refused,it was his last attempt at sorting out the situation before he moved on.
I dont blame you for not going,but I think you need to accept its over now and put him behind you.Being friends didn't work because of how you feel.Just assume its over and that he's ok, for your own sake.
You finished it because he was messing you around and hurt you,don't lose sight of that.
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