A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 25 year old female with a recurring problem in relation to every single one of my romantic relationships. I'm a very emotionally stable, grounded, level-headed individual and I only seem to attract the exact opposite to this in all my relationships i.e. emotionally very unstable individuals with a lot of personal problems. I know what you are all thinking...Well of course opposites are meant to attract! But in truth, its starting to concern me, as this happens to be the reason why none of my relationships can flourish. As soon as I establish trust with the person and things start heading in the right direction, they reveal to me that they are an emotional wreck and cannot handle/continue the comittment of a relationship. I don't know if the law of attraction exists, but this pattern is just emotionally draining and I feel as though if all I am going to attract is the opposite to what I am, then its just not worth it. I really don't know what to do or if it is possible to change this pattern. Does anyone else out there have this problem? Advise would be greatly apreciated! Thank you all. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): If it's a recurring problem OP it's not a matter of luck but of choices you're making.
You probably just like this kind of guy, they have a certain kind of edgy, exciting thing that you like.
I see it a lot.
I have one friend who is the same.
Her problem is mainly that she dates guys who she says she doesn't want relationships with, she says that to them and to everyone else, then she falls in love after months of dating these guy and then complains when he had no intention of committing to her. Sure why the hell would a guy who wants to commit settle for a girl who says she's not going to? It's a fools game she's playing.
I have another friend she only ends up with emotionally retarded fools. The thing is OP she just likes that kind of guy. All the signs are there from the very start, I'm always pointing them out to her and she always just prefers to get caught up in the moment and the hope that this guy is different. It seems proving herself and everyone else wrong is more important to her than cutting people off as soon as she finds out their messed up. She's one of these idiots that thinks jealousy is cute too, she likes that kind of edgy, controlling dominance that a possessive weirdo has, to her that's a sign he loves her and that she's worthy of his love. Quite a strange way of seeing things to be honest.
OP any kind of personal patterns are never a matter of luck. Luck is very random and you don't end up with the same kind of fool time and again through luck. You need to examine yourself, the things about these guys that you liked at the start, identify the early signs that these guys are like that because they are there always.
And for god sake always be ruthless, if you're being emotionally drained it's because you're investing too much time and effort in guys, and if you're like my last friend there then you will continue on trying to flog the dead horse for ages after discovering it wasn't going to work. She just can't let go of guys even when it's over, they hold too much power over her.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 I would not overanalyze. It's a simple fact that there are many sad people out there. It's not that you can't attract someone like you. You just have to keep looking. Opposites attract at first but more importantly is you can find someone you can connect with for the long term. Age is also a factor. I don't know your criteria for age but how many twenty something men you know are emotionally, and financially ready for a relationship?
It also helps if you can lower your expectations, not for your man, but for the reality of the world. The more people you get to know the more losers you see. The right person is worth the wait. Continue being yourself and eliminate bad choices when necessary.
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