A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are both in our mid twenties. We've been together 2 years. I've always been the kind of girl in a relationship that when something bugs me, I freak out, start yelling, threatening to break up etc. I also have some trust issues in this relationship, we broke up for a week last year and he slept with someone else. It still felt like he cheated, and while I know when that happened we were in a totally different place than we are now ( and deep down I really don't think he'd do it again) I can't help but think about that when I get mad or hurt. I've come to realize the way i freak out is getting me no where in relationships, if anything it backfires completely. My question is, how SHOULD I deal with something when it upsets me? For example, my boyfriend went out last night and told me he was going out but then got drunk and never responded to any of my texts. I want to yell at him but I know that's going to get me no where, but I can't just let it slide either. What is a good healthy way to react when I'm upset?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 December 2012):
 You recognize that your anger doesn't get you anywhere. That's a big step in changing it. When you get upset, that's the choice you make in reacting to something he has done that you feel violated you. It's that being upset that needs resolved. Were you upset that he went out with friends? That he got drunk? or that his focus was on them and not on you when he went out? In order to resolve your being upset, you need to ask yourself what it is that really made you upset. Then you can appropriately bring it up to him. That means to talk, not yell or break things. "It upset me when _________, and made me feel _________.
Quite often people don't understand that what they did upset another. This is because we're all human, and none is perfect. When he was with his friends, was he obligated to focus on you? Now turn it around. When your with girlfriends, are you obligated to focus on him? If you were the one who had sex with someone else, during a period you were broken up, would you consider that to have been cheating? If not... why do you hold him at different standards than you would hold yourself to?
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Maybe you should react this time by actually breaking up with him. He cheated on you and broke your trust, now you don't trust him and are trying to force yourself to trust him.
You can't make yourself trust. It's been a year and you still don't trust him, it's time to end it and move on.
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