A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question regarding a friend that is coming to visit me in a couple months that is a male and I want to know if thats ok since I have a boyfriend.I don't have many male friends. This friend in particular I have known for over 13 years, he lives like 4 hours away from me, and to clarify I do NOT have any feelings for him whatsoever. He has to come to my city for something for his schooling and wondered if he could stay at my place (I live with my parents and they'll be around so its not like we'll be alone or anything). It sounds like we will be able to hang out for the afternoon/night, he will stay in our guest room and head out in the morning to the school thing. You may be thinking ok whats the problem then? Well anytime I have hung out with this guy I've never had a boyfriend. And I guess I don't know how guys would feel about this? I tried thinking if it was the other way around and how I would feel a little weird if a girl I don't know anything about came and stayed with my bf. So basically what I'm asking is how should I go about telling my bf about this? Do I ask him if its ok that he comes down? Or do I just let him that this is whats going on. Theres a chance actually that my bf (also out of town) might be at my place when this guy arrives (we'll be coming back from a wedding)which I actually think could be better maybe so that he knows that I'm not trying to hide anything? These 2 guys will probably meet anyways like 3 weeks later as we have cottages beside each other up north (thats how we met as little kids). So I guess moreso I'd like to know how guys would react to this? I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't hide things..I'd like to think my bf trusts me. I have trust issues from the past and was cheated on hence why I admit if I were on the other side I wouldn't really like the idea. So any help or comments are appreciated! Thanks!
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 If he's only staying one night it should be absolutely fine. I think you may be worried about what your boyfriend will think because you did once have a big crush on him. You might have moved on, as has he, but those feelings will always be there. Perhaps you are concerned your boyfriend will pick up on this and suspect something. You may feel a sesne of guild around this.
But try not too. Things have changed now and there is nothing going on between you. You're boyfriend has nothing to be concerned about right? So try not to worry about it. Let your boyfriend know he's coming for a day and just have fun cathcing up with your old friend. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is only staying the 1 night and is leaving in the morning. I actually think he might be at my house already by the time my boyfriend and I get back from my friend's wedding...I am hoping thats what happens actually so that like what BettyBoup suggested they will meet and we could all hang out a bit. I hope all works out...I haven't actually seen this friend in 2 years so it'd be neat to see him again, and also to quote he also has a girlfriend--has had the same one for 7 years.
I might also add maybe I'm feeling guilt cuz from when I was 12 until 16 I had feelings for him. I liked him so much & I got my only chance of kissing him interrupted when he was 2 inches from my lips...again that was 7 years ago cuz a few months after that happened he got the girlfriend he has now. I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE tho. So i'm wondering if that past has anything to do with how i'm feeling...and my bf knows about this friend, ive told him who he was and stuff, he doesnt know that i liked him years ago either
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (24 March 2010):
Just be open with him. Say "you know my friend "......" who I've known fir years etc, (if you've never spoken about him before, tell your boyfriend about him so he knows the score, knows he's an old friend nothing more etc) .... he's coming to town for his studies for a while. I thought it would be a great idea for him to stay in my parents guest room to save him paying for a hotel. I've suggested it to him. What do you think?"
That way your boyfriend knows the full story and he'll know you care about his feelings about this by the fact that you've asked him his opinion. If he finds it an issue then you will have to decide whether to keep your boyfriend happy and turn away your friend, or whether deal with the consiquence of upsetting your boyfriend. You could just say that he's an old family friend and that YOUR PARENTS have asked him to stay. That way he's just some guy, who's not a threat to your relationship, whos staying in your house. If hes only staying for a few days I cant see it being too much of an issue if you have a strong trusting relationship. Invite you're boyfriend to hang out with you both when he doesn stay, then he'll see there's nothing going on and any suspicion should go.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 March 2010):
I think rather than force it upon your boyfriend, you'd be better asking him if he's okay with it. Because to be honest, I don't think he will be at all. And even if he is at first, he might become very jealous and insecure about it. I'm sure your boyfriend does trust you, but don't push the boundaries. Ask him first, then make your decision. If your boyfriend is unhappy about it, then you need to respect that. If you can't, then you need to decide whether you want to be with him.
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