A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I thinking too much or I should start distancing myself from this superior of mine in my work place?I think we are quite close and very good friends. But I am not sure if he just treats me like a friend or or something more.. We are in the same work place, and there are several things he does for me that I feel quite touched, but again, he is a caring guy and has quite some close female friends...I also don't wish to over-interpret his actions and ruin the friendship..When I think of leaving this workplace, and he knows I like plants, when I suggested I wanted to plant some seeds, he volunteered to go with me and some other friends. Afraid that this would fail, he took some seeds homes and plant them himself. and when they sprouted, he excitedly told me, and said he wanted to persuade me not to leave and he told himself if the seeds sprouted, he will persuade me to stay. He took the pots from his home to my work desk for me.When he has to go on business trip for 3 weeks, he told me he is afraid that I'd feel cold, so he left his jacket with me, I already told him I don't need and I had my own jacket, but he said he is afraid it's not enough. However, previously I did mention I felt cold in office, and he lent me his jacket before and I accepted it, just for once. I emailed him about some difficulties in workplace while he was away for business trip, and he replied at around 5am, saying"i completely understand your wound, and wish I could be there with you..."and to that I didn't reply, at 10am, he emailed again, I wish you can completely ignore her actions and not get affected at all, and focus on your work and health (as I have a minor health problem)! And to that I replied I am fine, don't worry and he didn't reply anymore...When we go for dinner together, he usually buys me drinks and refuse to have me pay him back. Sometimes, he will treat me dinner or lunch when we are alone and also doesn't want me to pay back..every time we walk together, he will make sure I walk on the inner side of the road further away from the traffic.And when he found out i am suffering from a certain illness (not very serious), he went on to research on it and send me some recommended diets, and he read that vitamins will help, and bought me different types of those vitamins and don't want my money again.There was once when it's raining, and we shared an umbrella. he held the umbrella with his left hand while I walked on his right, and he kept asking me to go into the center of the umbrella, and used his hands to pushed my waist gently so i moved into the umbrella more..What is the correct thing I should do? Should I start distancing from him? But it will be strange as he is my direct boss, or maybe I am thinking too much? I feel that he is a nice person, and very caring for me...
View related questions:
money, moved in, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 In all of this you say a lot about how caringly he treats you, but you never say how you feel about him. Reading this objectively, I would say the man has romantic feelings for you. Are these feelings reciprocated?
It's usually not a good idea to date a superior. If things don't work out, it usually doesn't go well for the subordinate. Are these dinners business dinners, or are they dates? Is he single and available?
I guess time will tell, as far as his intentions go. It would be arwkward for you to ask him straight out. That is the problem with getting involved with superiors. They have more power in the relationship than you do. In other words, it's not a level playing field.
However, by what you have presented here, it looks like he cares for you more than a friend. My advice is to nip it in the bud now, if you do not feel the same way about this man. Tell him you do not mix business with pleasure, or something like that. If he continues to carry on this way, and you reject him when he actually does ask you out, he is going to feel like a fool. That won't bode well for your career.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
 I think he is just an overly caring kind of guy and he likes working with you and cares about you as a person.
He seems to have weak boundaries, however, and so do you. I don't know if you need to distance yourself from him, but I think you might want to be very careful about getting too personal like telling him about your health problems, this is too intimate for work and isn't any of his business really, unless it is something that needs accommodation for you to work there.
Don't tell him about your personal problems or about personal problems you are having with co workers, deal wtih that in a professional manner on your own, in short don't play child to his father, because that is how I see this going, not romantic, but more like he is a parent.
A lot of people don't really know how to manage others and they take on a parental role rather than a leadership one.
Help the guy out by being more self reliant rather than distant and see if that doesn't help the situation. Instead of letting him take care of things like buying seeds, refuse him and say No, I'll handle it, you get back to your work...that is setting a boundary without being rejecting or cloying either one.
...............................
|
