A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay my husband of 2 weeks is in nursing school. He started last May. Now before this I never looked at his phone he never took care in keeping it on him. He never really got texts unless I sent them. Things were smooth sailing. So about 3 weeks ago he starts talking about this girl and that's fine he does it all the time it is harmless. Most of them are married. Now he starts getting just text after text. That night I looked at his phone and there are many texts and like 3 phone calls from this girl from nursing school his partner in clinicals now most of them are about school but some are not. I just started keeping a notebook of all his texts recieved and sent and times. This makes me feel pretty crazy but I want proof to put in his face. If I don't write them down I will forget them. In the past week they total 53... He says I'm being paranoid and "we just got married". It bothers me to the point of it being the last thought I have at night and the first in the morning. I can't sleep. He now keeps his phone on silent since I said something about it being inapropriate since we are married and he would not like it if I did it. Its always with him. Some of his texts include."Passed 3 I noticed you didn't want to join me" "Your missing out on a good spade game" He was playing with a patient. "I look forward to clinical days they are easy". So am I being over the top crazy??!? How should I explain how much this bothers me?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is not sooo much the that I"m afraid he is having an affair yet. It is he hides it and does it all day and all night. He leaves me alone with our 7 month old shuts the bedroom door to study and texts her. This is after I have taken care of her all day by myself. I just don't understand why he needs to bring that friendship home. I understand he will have friends that are women but I just don't see why he needs to text her all night while I"m in the other room completely socially isolated.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Actually I wouldn't like it either and 53 texts seems an awful lot to me however innocent they may be. The problem with this is that if you make a fuss about it you may be deemed as controlling. A little example here:- my fiance constantly talks to a girl he has known for over 15 years. I know her too - we all used to work together. She rings him and talks to him about family matters, work, relationships all things. I don't like it at all because deep down I do not trust her motives and I am a somewhat insecure individual. I also think it is somewhat disrespectful to me to continue with this realtionship. I have talked to him about it and he says that I am crazy, that nothing has ever happened, that they are just good friends etc etc. I went as far as to ask him to stop or I would speak to the girl direct but it still continues to this day and I am now seen as controlling and insecure. It also happens behind my back. It is a total no win situation.
The problem here is that you cannot make someone do what they don't want to do and to try is a waste of time. Unless he thinks the texts are excessive or he wants to tell her to stop you can feel or do what you like it isn't going to happen and if you go down the road of trying to force him, like I did, it will end in heartache. The texts are excessive in number but the content seems innocent. I would grin and bare it on this one. You are newly married and are in the honeymoon phase so let it wash over you and concentrate on your new married life. All the best, xx
...............................
A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (18 November 2009):
 These texts do seem innocent as you have admitted yourself.
However, as you are uncomfortable with them you should talk to him about it, after all you are married. Maybe ask him to keep the texts strictly about his classes and for no uneccessary texts to be sent. 53 does seem to be a lot in just one week.
You can't stop him talking to her as they are in the same classes and you don't want to seem like the crazy, controlling wife. But if you think it is inapropriate then you are well within your right to advise him of this. If he respected you as a husband then he would cut them down.
Hope this helps, keep us updated. :)
...............................
|
