A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK I really really need advice on how to deal with a tricky situation!!!There is a girl who knew friends of mine and saw me out, she found me on myspace and started emailing me. Apparently I have been told I look like Anjelina Jolie (supposedly!) and she kept going on and on abotu Anjelina and how that is her "ideal woman"/fantasy etc etc, Anyway so we carried on talking for a few months but I had a gf at the time which I made very clear so I didnt have any interest in her in that way but had friendly enough chats and I was always vvery nice, supportive to her in all the things she was going tru in her life at the time.. Anyway so when I did split up with my gf I agreed to meet up with her and we met up for drinks etc a couple of times (just socially!) and she seemed to like me, we got on and always made comments about how I looked and went on and on about the anjelina thing... Then she started texting/emailing me asking to meet up...but the day would come and I wont hear from her and when I did contact her myself she would jsut say oh she cant make it (which to me is rude as if you ask someone out then realise you cant make it then you should at least tell them!) so this happened about 3 or 4 times....then the next time she asked me to go out I just replied that I didnt like the way she was messing me about because she keeps making plans to meet me but always cancel without even bothering to let me know she was cancelling.So I didnt hear from her after....until about 6mths later she text out of the blue asking how I was and apologising for not being in contact as she was busy with college and that she hnow could (and wanted to) see me lots and lots now. So I believe everyone deserves a second chance and didnt think she wuold do the same thing again! Anyway so we started chatting again and arranged to meet up. On the day itself I texted her asking if she was still up for it and she said yes and she was excited to see me etc. So I turned up....and ended waiting an hour and she never arrived. When I triedd calling her mobile many times it was switched off. Anyway I was rather irritated as you can imagine and do not know WHY on earth she would do that...like purposely stand me up....esp when she has been chasing me for about 8mths!!! So i never contacted her again after that and I never heard from her neither explaining why she stood me up (for anyone who would say maybe something happened to her....no she is alive and well and fine so no excuses for her not being able to turn up and even to contact me after to explain / apologise) I mean....why would anyone do that??? IT makes NO sense to me!! Anyone has any ideas who have either done this thing to someone else or had a similar thing happen to them as I am always curious as to how psychology works in diff people and why people would do a thing like that.Anyway so I am not upset or hurt by it...i just went home feeling rather annoyed and inconvenienced and deleted her from my myspace etc and deleted her number as I intend to have no contact with her.So I work for an events company. We are hosting some place this weekend and I will be at the reception area greeting the guests. And looking at the guestlist I saw her name so it seems she may be attending!!! So I am not quite sure how to act when I see her??....I dont want to seem all vulnerable or like she had the upper hand and had a laugh on me as she stood me up and played games etc. Should I just act as though I dont even know her and treat her like that...ie just any of the other strangers there (which I am thinking to do) Should I confront her in some way? Make her feel some way for what she did? I will try to ignore her if I can but chances are it wont happen since I will be greeting guests. But I dont want it to be again where she has the upper hand on me...Anyway does anyone have any ideas or tips or suggestions? Again nothing to make me look stupid! I want to hold my head high at the end of the night (and if I made her feel silly in the process of that then even better! lol)Thanks all....tricky situation as I am working so its not like if i saw her on the street and can cross over the other side....so I will appreciate genuine HELPFUL comments....thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Glad I made you smile and could be of help to you. Now get in there and 'sell' it! That is to say, make her believe that she was not worth a second thought by you. ;)
And let us know how it went. My guess is that she won't show up, btw. But you'll he ready for her either way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha thank your for your response! Indeed you have made me smile so much when reading through your post.....and I think I will take your advice!!! Thanks for taking the time to reply!! Your help has been truly invaluable!! :) xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2008):
I think you're on the right track when you said that you didn't want to let her know that you were made vulnerable at all.
After all, you'll be on the job for your company, right? So, if I were in your shoes, I'd look vaguely at her when I saw her. (Acting skills very necessary here!) This is the internal monologue you should be having: "Oh, yes, I met you at some point, I found you very boring and can't be bothered to really remember your name. I'm just doing my job here, yes, nice to see you again. Good grief, what was your name again? Ah, right, your name is X, well, go off and enjoy the party. I can't really be bothered with you right now."
If she asks for your contact details again, I'd just say to her, "Oh, sorry, so busy here at the moment, why don't you give me your info and I'll get back to you when I can." Accept a card or written down details from her.
Then ignore her as best you can.
Remember, you're going for vague. You're really desperately trying to remember who she is but you have so much else going on in your life that you can't really work it out. She's not worth it.
Life's too short to worry about her.
Besides, you're on the clock for your employer, and there's no point in messing that one up!
"So, delighted to see you again, (who the heck are you?) So glad you could come to this event, isn't it great? (I just simply can't really work out why you'd be important in my life.) Oh, yes, maybe we had a drink together once, but that was AGES ago. What, you stood me up? No, sorry, can't really remember. Was it important? I really don't remember being that bothered about it. You must have had a good reason for whatever you did. No, don't worry, I'm not bothered in the slightest. Well, it was nice to see you again, (say her name wrong!!!!!), and I hope you have a nice time tonight. Well, excuse me, please, I need to go attend to other guests. The bar is over there. Hope you enjoy the party, (wrong name again)."
And then you can enjoy the satisfaction of cutting her dead. *Evil grin.*
That would be me in your shoes!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Hi there...
My intention was not to victimize her at all!! The truth is there are a lot of our actions that can be explained by previous experiences. The fact that she likes to play mind games (because it might give her some type of adrenaline rush), likes the thrill of pursuing someone (in your case for 9 months) and then just suddenly disappear does tell a lot about her and her state of mind. Now, not everyone with "issues" (meaning, in this case, troubled views of relationships) acts abnormal or needs medication. The truth is a lot of "normal" (not sure what normal is anymore) people have issues they have not addressed that affect their day to day and furthermore their emotional relationships.
I would assume (by the information you gave out, which is, of course, your personal intake on events), she might have trouble establishing or maintaining emotional ties to her romantic partners. There are a huge lot of factors that might contribute to this and it has nothing to do with you personally.
I could, of course, be wrong! But, at least by what you are describing, it does sound likely she has some unresolved issues. And, my whole point was, and continues to be that this has nothing to do with you and you should not take it out on her or yourself. If I were you, I'd probably just say hi, small talk, and goodbye. Furthermore, if she were to contact me in any other occasion I would be very careful. The only mental health you need to take care of is your own and you definitely don't need someone to make you feel less than her by standing you up multiple times.
Hope this clears out what I meant to say. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply...but no she is not a "victim" and I can assure you there is nothing emotionally wrong with her....I think if anything she has a very high opinion of herself as she likes to talk abotu all the people that fancy her and she has told me before that she likes playing mind games etc as it makes life more entertaining and colourful....I suppose with high insight I should have wised up to realise she may have done the same to me. But still you do not know how this girl went on and on about me and this whole Anjelina thing so I had no reason to suspect! I mean even to this day it makes no sense how she chased me for over 9mths so much then when I finally agree to go out with her she acts this way....anyway that doesnt matter....So please do not feel sorry for her or that she is some sort of poor emotionally depraved victim....(she is not!!!!) Anyway would love to hear more / other suggestions thanks!!!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse +, writes (9 June 2008):
I genuinely think that even though she might not have some physical ailment from which she was not able to attend your date, she does have something wrong with her. I mean, you just don't go about asking people out and then standing them up several times.
My suggestion would be, that you, by knowing there might be something emotionally wrong with her, just be yourself. Greet her and have some small talk as you would with anyone else at the party. If she brings anything up tell her you could talk about it on another occasion as this is not the place or time for it (really want to avoid a scene and she is likely not to call back anyways).
Doesn't sound as if would be difficult for you to let this go and sometimes this is a better choice. Good luck!
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