A
male
age
51-59,
*onym
writes:I was seeing a girl I work with for two years. I found out but chance she was up to something with another guy from work. I ask no questions and walk away. This happened in January 08. Weeks later I had tears saying it was all a mess I help but ask no questions. I then start to get ignored by her. I try to remain professional. Next we move into the summer, I try to aim for some type of friendship. I have all sorts of strange behaviour; I see her checking on my car one day in the car park???? It’s clear though she is pushing me away in all aspects at this point, but im not hassling her in anyway, just a friendly tone. I don’t even know if she is with the other man. Though I do know he is a player and up to lots of things but that is for her to find out.It has been all very strange. I always felt distracted at work. I was making my best effort to move on but feel she doesn’t really want me to in a twisted way. In February I asked her what the problem was with me, she replied there is no short answer. Again we chat in June via text as friends and I ask can you tell me for my piece of mind what was the problem in Feb now we are chatting as mates. I get no response, not even I can't tell you what I was thinking at the time.July comes and I need closure for me, not her. I ask in a very very sensitive way, making it clear it was about me moving on. She says she’s not prepared to do that for me, and starts to cry on the telephone, I back off confused further. I text next day make a joke of something, and she replies, “ Its my birthday but I don’t have a lot to smile about at the moment.” What???? Why tell me???We now move into August again I’m trying so hard to level this off and be normal. I end up saying to her listen if you don’t want me to keep in touch or text just say (not that im texting a lot away) She replies its up to you.. I say if you don’t want me to (I ask this because I think she doesn’t want me to) she replies “you have my number how can I stop you”… Fairenougth I think. I back off.I don‘t see her for two weeks. I go about my business. She follows me in an office, saying “Hi with a big smile” Next she is seen checking on my car again by someone else. ???I’m in her office a conversation is going on between other people, I look up and she is directly looking at me (A look I recognise!!) We stare at each other for what seems like ages, no one else is aware of it. Next day I’m working near by her office again she is extremely helpful and friendly to me. I’m polite and neutral in my reaction. I haven’t been in touch via text since our last discussion where I asked did she not want me to text her.I won’t deny I have strong feelings for her, ones I’ve not experienced before, but I am not living under any hope of reconciliation, my focus is on moving on. Though if I could have her back I would want it. I don't think the other thing with the other guy ever turned into anything and it doesn't seem to be going on but full details i don't know.My question I guess are two fold, first can anyone suggest what is she thinking or what does she want from me? Why am I getting such mixed behaviour?? Secondly how should I behave around her???
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at work, I work with, move on, player, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tonym +, writes (24 September 2008):
tonym is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the unknown female.. thanks for the insight,, i also believe this is the case. I am trying to keep out of it act neutral if you like. She is now blowing hot and cold one day a full smile the next half a smile with that im sorry feel to it !!!!! what next i wonder ??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Just keep it professional. If she wanted you to text her she'd surely tell you rather than being non-committal about it. If this was a male colleague you wouldn't be texting him, so my advice would be to treat her exactly the same as if she was any male that works with you.
It's time you started focusing on someone or something else. If you ask a woman what's wrong, she'll say "Nothing", meaning there's something wrong but she doesn't want to talk about it, so treat her as if nothing's wrong, so to speak.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): I don't know her intentions but if I had to guess, I'd say she's playing you. She likes attention from you, and probably other men as well. That's why she won't tell you not to contact her. I don't see any kind of future with someone like this. She sounds like she doesn't want a serious relationship, just wants to play around, with different men. If I were you I would stop the texting and the talk about your past relationship and just talk to her as a co-worker & nothing more. If you see her looking at you, it is probably just to get a reaction out of you, to see if you still desire her. Which you apparently do. Start acting like you could care less and eventually she will either stop doing what she's been doing, or she'll cry for attention even more from you. I could be wrong, but by the way you described the situation & her actions, that is what seems to me to be going on.
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