A
male
age
41-50,
*aul_28
writes:This is a continuation of my previous question....OK, so how do I deal with those immature 20 year old students who call me derogatory names, like 'perv' or 'pervert'? I am offended by these insults- I am no 'perv'!! I may be older than the fellow students (I am 28, they are mostly around 20 or 22 years of age), but I personally see nothing wrong with dating a younger girl (a fellow student, for example)aged from 20 upwards. I am the oldest student living in Halls of Residence (on-campus accomodation), and the other students do not talk to me (well, not socially, anyway); probably because I am older than them. Surely there must be some female students aged 20+ who do not have the mental age of a kid? At the age of 28, I am still a virgin, and I have never had any girlfriends. I am quite lonely. Just because I am in my late 20's, surely it does not mean that I am 'too old' to go out on the town, clubbing and visiting bars, does it? I do not care what society says or expects of me; "You are nearly 30, so you should be doing this; "you are too old to be doing that", etc. Many men my age have careers and are married with children, but I am not ready for this, yet. I am still a virgin, and I feel that I need to enjoy life and gain experience with the opposite sex before I am ready to be a 'family man'. I am not immature,it is just that I am not in the same stages of life as many men of my age. I do not feel ready to settle down, have a family, etc. I am only 28, yet it seems like I am having a 'mid life crisis'!! How should I be acting at my age? Am I 'too old' for nightclubs and nights out on the town? Despite the fact that I am 28, I hardly feel 'old' or 'past it'.
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clubbing, immature, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, heythere  +, writes (21 July 2009):
Hey there, you are not too old for clubbing and having fun.. Although, its important to work on building interpersonal relationships you absolutely shouldn't feel pressured by others in your age group who are marrying and having kids. Lots of times they would rather keep clubbing and having fun themselves but end up feeling the pressure from their parents to get them some grandkids, lol! As for daing girls in their early 20's, to some your age might be sexy to others it may just be too old, regardless put yourself out there, be yourself, and try to seem like you are comfortable with yourself. That's an attractive quality.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): I just don't see why college people would call a 28 year old guy a pervert, unless he acted in some way to make them feel that. I could see if you were like 40 in college, trying to get dates with 20 year old girls, but being 28 isn't that old..I just don't understand where the pervert comments are coming from. And I don't think that they all just pulled it out of thin air.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): 28 is not too old for clubbing! Are you kidding me? That's probably the best age for it! You're young enough to have fun yet old enough to be responsible about it. And as for being a bit older than the others - who cares? Eight years is not that much. Heck, look at Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas! He's old enough to be her father but nobody's calling him 'pervert' are they? Or Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, for that matter. Or Ashton and Demi - the list could go on... only immature people would say something like that. Clearly they are not adults yet. I'm sure there are some nice women on campus who don't care that you're a mature adult. Actually, some women might prefer a mature adult over a 'kid' who's still got some growing up to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): No, that age difference should not matter.
It is hard to say from just a paragraph, but the way you write sounds like someone with mild Aspergers Syndrome would write.
I would get into therapy, your social skills are the problem here. Even if you feel relatively content with yourself beyond what you have written here, therapy could help you take some of the anxiety away that you have with interacting with the opposite sex. If younger girls are calling you "pervert" it is because your approach is coming across as having the ulterior motive of sex. No doubt that is in your mind, but I imagine you would just like to spend time with a girl and love her, sex included. Go to the University counseling services with an open mind and the goal of improving your social skills.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 December 2007):
 28 is no age atal, people still go clubbing well into their 30's 40's and even 50', so enjoy it, having fun and enjoying life its what its all about.
All the best x
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A
male
reader, Paul_28 +, writes (20 December 2007):
Paul_28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy response to 'female reader, anonymous';
You are trying to portray me like I am some kind of monster or predator who takes advantage of vulnerable 'kids'. I am not at all like this. I am a decent guy. A little shy, I do not have much to say about myself, but nevertheless a decent guy. Apart from those really young students who are aged 18-19, I would hardly call 20+ year olds 'kids'! They are adults, even if some of them behave like 15 year olds. And no, I do not act 'creepy' around the opposite sex. For maturity reasons, there is no way that I would date a younger female student aged under 20. I am still in my 20's, and I do not see any problem dating a girl (a student, for example) aged 20 upwards.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): This is exactly how I feel too:
"So believe me, the reason people think you are a perv has nothing to do with your age. I don't know how you act around these kids but if everybody hates you maybe you should take a look at yourself and try to modify your behavior."
Take a closer look at yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): You are definitely not too old. My current wife and I got divorced in our early 30s and we both went clubbing at that age. That was before we met and after we started dating. That was 30 years ago and there were people there of all ages. I can't imagine that the club scene is limited to only youngsters now. As you said, they are immature. Go out and have fun. I had trouble meeting women because I was shy, but I still had fun. Just get up the courage to start talking to different women and you will get lucky sooner or later. I would imagine that there are women of all ages at the clubs. Don't be afraid of the ones in their 30s either. They are the best. They have lost their immaturity, care more for peoples feelings and will be nicer to you than the youngsters. Have fun and even us shy guys get lucky sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Too old for night clubbing!!!! I know people who go clubbing at 50!!! So stop this nonsense now!
take care and get out there this Christmas and have a great time.
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): No, that age difference should not matter.
It is hard to say from just a paragraph, but the way you write sounds like someone with mild Aspergers Syndrome would write.
I would get into therapy, your social skills are the problem here. Even if you feel relatively content with yourself beyond what you have written here, therapy could help you take some of the anxiety away that you have with interacting with the opposite sex. If younger girls are calling you "pervert" it is because your approach is coming across as having the ulterior motive of sex. No doubt that is in your mind, but I imagine you would just like to spend time with a girl and love her, sex included. Go to the University counseling services with an open mind and the goal of improving your social skills.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I am 27 and I am still in college and all of my peers are from 20-23 and I have no trouble making friends or being popular just because of my age. In fact I have alot of friends. So believe me, the reason people think you are a perv has nothing to do with your age. I don't know how you act around these kids but if everybody hates you maybe you should take a look at yourself and try to modify your behavior.And no I don't think 28 is too old to go clubbing.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 28 is not old for 20. You can perfectly go out, to nightclubbing etc and look to find or meet someone. You can also socialize and mix up with those other students or pub -club goers who are over 18+.
In fact I was 27-28 stayed in a residence hall as a full time student in Lomdon and hit with my friends many night clubs and pubs/discos on fridays and saturdays and picked up quiete a few girls I remember:)
Anyways enjoy yourself as you wish and as much as possible and hope you find a nice girl...
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (20 December 2007):
 You’re not having a midlife crisis your having a confidence crisis. You are hanging around the wrong people. They taunt you for being 28? Pardon my French but that's fucked up! There's nothing wrong with dating or wanting to date younger women. I do it all the time. A lot of younger women like older guys in fact. The students you hang with sound like a bunch of snobby snotty punks. Immature is the right word. You'll just have to whack your way through the rabble to find a few good girls in the bunch.
But don't just give up and proclaim you never want to go to clubs! Even at my age I can go to clubs and have fun. Why put yourself in a corner? Is the music too loud for you? You know there are other clubs with music more suited to you; people your own age...and you can still find younger mature girls in there too. They won't call you perv because they could be attracted to older guys too!
SO change your environment if you can, maybe you feel left out because you don't act young like these kids.
If you're still a virgin don't despair. Don't let it kill your psyche. Don't wear it on your sleeve. Just get out there meet women and mix it up. Lying in your room doing nothing won't get you anywhere.
Please feel free to write me to follow up. You need to get laid dude!
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