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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been in love with this girl for a whole year already. I told her that a year ago but she wanted to stay friends. We became the very best friends and I'm the most important person in her life apart from her family. We go out on dates all the time - she sleeps on my shoulder and hugs me. Yet, we've never kissed or done anything more. I am still so in love with her...Maybe from a girl's perspective, do girls change minds over these matters? Would they one day really fall in love with their male best friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Yes, as a matter of fact I am in the same boat. Funny thing is, I am the girl. I have a male best friend who has told me that he really cares about me and wishes we would have been able to give things a chance. As you can guess, I said no, yet as time has past I have become very close to him and in a way I love him, but I fear that if we started a relationship it would destroy our friendship. Maybe this is how she feels, so I say give it time, even if things don't work out everyone needs someone who they can open up to and not have to worry about what they are really thinking. Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): I'm the guy who posted the question. Some have said that I should just give up, but reality is, you don't choose who you fall in love with and whether you want to continue loving that person. I know the chances are slim, but as some have said, it might still happen. Therefore, I will continue to wait.
Anyone have any similar experiences? It ever happened to you like this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Sounds like you're totally in the Friend Zone. That means no nookie. Never. None. She'll screw some jerk she barely even knows way before she'll screw you.
In fact she would probably be more likely (though still not very likely) to screw you if she didn't know you this well already. That's what the friend zone means. She doesn't see you "in that way" so she shows you sides of herself that she would never show to someone she's trying to impress(screw). You're "safe" in her mind, and that's not the guy she wants to hook up with.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 October 2009):
No, generally it doesn't happen. Sorry. You're the greatest friend she ever had and probably the only guy she truly trusts. But she's not the girl for you and has told you so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Ill give you 2 answers.
Firstly the one you want to hear:
Yes It can happen, if you keep developing a relationship with her and keep enjoying the same things then over time she could come to appreciate you more. Find out whats important to her in a relationship and work towards that.
Secondly Relaty (you dont have to read this):
No chance, your friends. She has already said no. Im afraid you just dont do it for her on some level and probably never will. She most definately thinks you are ok being friends and will be hurt if you try to push yourself on her again.
Its time for you to get over her and meet someone new who will want to be with you. You dont realise it but you have been undermining your own confidence all tis time. Do it now as you have already done enough emotional damage to your self
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): It happens that they fall in love with the best friend. But I think it is difficult once you have landed in the "friend zone". In her head you are just a friend and not even someone she considers as more.
What you can do is simply ask her: what do you look for in a boyfriend? And then you can see what she wants that you don't have/dont express too well. I hope she will open her eyes and see what a great guy she's got right under her nose!
PS. it might be an attraction issue. From my own experiences I place guys Im not really attracted to into the friendship box. Not to say she is shallow, and looks definitely fall over time anyway, but just to get the kick-start and the sparks flying if you know? You could focus on your looks and work out and be healthy. If you already are, then it's her loss. Maybe some day she will open her eyes.
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