A
female
age
51-59,
*ickyc
writes:I am 37 and have been married for 17 years with a 15 year old daughter. My husband had a breakdown 5 weeks ago and told me he didn't love me. Since then he has been to the doctors, one minute saying he doesn't know what he wants and saying he doesn't want to lose me the next saying again he has fallen out of love. He went out last friday saying he wouldn't be long then didn't come home or get in touch until Monday via text saying he was leaving me. I am so lost, alone and unsure of what to do or think but he says it is my fault he doesn't love me and falling out of love with me caused his breakdown. I just want the truth because he is being really nasty via text and over the phone I asked if he is having an affair or met someone new but says no. Please any suggestions or opinions may help.
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (21 October 2009):
 I don't want to add to your confusion but I am slightly concerned that the previous writer is telling you to dump the last 17 years as if you were some duped teenager.
Your husband has had a breakdown. He hasn't just left with the floozy from the four ale bar. He is acting irrationally because of mental problems. That is an illness. Now until he gets to the bottom of his problems he needs to be given some slack.
What I said in my previous post still stands. 'Your relationship has changed and you need to consider what your reaction should be and how you are going to handle it.'
It isn't necessarily over. He might need you in a little while. It depends on what the last 17 years have meant to you.
Do take support from your family and friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): you are more than welcome. Pm me if you ever need to talk.
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A
female
reader, nickyc +, writes (20 October 2009):
nickyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is quite overwhelming that in today's society the simple kind words of a stranger who has taken time out of their lives to try and offer hope and understanding through the dark times. Thank you so much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): life is not over. Sometimes the changes that life brings are saddening and overwhelming. It will take time, and at times will seem dehabilitating. Just making it thru the normal daily routine will seem too hard. But, you will find an inner strength that you never knew you had. You CAN do this and life will be good again. You will laugh again and not just a little...hold on to that. YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS DEVASTATION. good luck sweetheart and God bless.
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A
female
reader, nickyc +, writes (20 October 2009):
nickyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has made it very clear he isn't coming back with the nasty words he has said. Thanks for taking the time to answer as I am trying to make myself believe my life is not over and hopefully I will eventually be able to believe that.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (20 October 2009):
It sounds like he is having a full-on male mid-life crisis. What he has done will have a long-term effect on your relationship. I think you should look at how you are going to handle it. If he decides he has made a mistake what do you want? It can't ever be the same but you can decide whether you want him and on what terms.If he decides he isn't coming back remember it isn't all your fault. You have the full second half of you life to enjoy. In effect you get the chance of two lives instead of the old single one. I expect you are running the gamut of emotions. Take courage. It gets better... and better... and better.But not overnight. Give your friends and family access. They are there for you 100 per cent.
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