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How much space do I give her?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 January 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 15 January 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *HC writes:

How much space do i give her?

Summed up, ive known her for about 5 months now. We have been serious now for the past month. All of a sudden (like 3 days ago) i start getting a bad vibe/attitude. Really short replies on everything. Come to find out through her our friends im "going too fast/ too strong" and she needs space. I don't feel that i am suffocating her, but would i? Any way i respect her enough to give her the space that she needs. I am just wondering, how long should i prepare to not communicate with her? I really have Strong feelings for this girl. Thanks in advance for good answers.

-JHC

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010):

she is 19 and so am i. im not too sure about it all. as stated already she really likes me and i really like her. maybe i did come on to strong. but even after "retracing" my steps i have done nothing different. so yeah, im going to give it time, and patience, and ask if there is a problem. but i am still soooo confused because... nothing different has happened. i know we are young but age is just a number. we will see.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2010):

This is a girl who couldn't even tell you to your face why she was acting the way she was. That says it all, doesn't it? Maybe she did feel suffocated. She didn't' say anything though, did she? To be honest, I don't think she's worth your time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010):

well, dood firstly how old is this girl. i gather still young. look maybe your strong feelings are coming across as too pushy. It happens , i do it with out thinking sometimes.when we really feel alot for someone, and its strong, sometimes what we percieve as not suffocating behaviour is exactly that and the more they push you away the more frustrated you become, till in the end we look desperate..and it is noticable. you think your acting chilled but they can see your not..take time out. relax.. what will be shall be. You know what a women wants is a friend to, but dont let thenm take advantage, it has got to work both ways, so relax be friend when she needs it and chill, and if she sms dont sms back straight away, it gives off that you sitting there waiting for a message, which means yer desperate.. give her a space, but dont let her walk allover you and at the same time dont try and be the cave man..an tell her if something is bothering her she must be open about it..we are not mind readers..its only when it is too late that they then tell you what the problem was which could've been resolved.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010):

I don't think this girl is worth it honestly. She could've told you herself, instead of you hearing from her friends that she needed space. She could atleast reply to your texts and things, and not be so rude about it. Heck, she could reply to tell you herself, she thinks its moving too fast. Honestly, I don't think it's worth it and she's just not mature enough to handle her problems herself, instead has people do it for her. You seem like you're being a nice guy and it does not seem like you're doing things too fast from what you posted. I think you should just move on to someone else who's more mature than that.

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A male reader, JHC United States +, writes (14 January 2010):

JHC is verified as being by the original poster of the question

For sure it makes sense to let her have the next move. I dont know what i did that "suffocated" her. Everything has been the same, the only thing i can think of is school starting back up, maybe she needs time to get used to the new schedule? Regardless, i will definitely let her make the next move, i dont want to mess anything up. So ill just play the lonely waiting game now.

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A female reader, lioness32 United States +, writes (14 January 2010):

lioness32 agony auntWell, i would definitely back off and give her the space she wants. It would be nice though, if she could communicate with you if something is bothering her. Even though you have strong feelings for this girl, back off and let her decide how much space she needs. If i were you i would let her make the next move. And think about how you treat her, what could you be doing thats suffocating her?

If she likes you she'll come back around.

Take care

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