A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:guys: how much physical affection do you think is 'normal' in a relationship? is there such a thing? i mean, is there a limit below which, if it ain't there, the girl should just get the hint that whatever the other signs might suggest, something's just not right? can a guy be happy in a long-term relationship that starts to feel much more like a friendship than anything else, with occasional sex, when there's time? and what would make a guy seem to prefer this over a relationship with more physical intimacy/closeness, assuming you spend enough time with him to know he's not cheating, and he's making plans far enough into the future that you're not expecting a break-up any time in the foreseeable future?
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keria  +, writes (25 April 2007):
There is nothing "normal" or "abnormal". What do you both want? If two people really enjoy spending time together, and neither of them want to touch, well, who's business is that but their own. If you want more, bring it up, but for god's sake, don't worry about what's "normal". No two relationships are the same.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): Difficult question, anon. There may be many reasons for frequent or less frequent physical intimacy. Work, etc., personal concerns. And some people simply have different levels of sex drive. It doesn't mean anything is "wrong". The love and concern for the other may be be as strong as ever. This is something where communication is important. If he is working intensively, it could be because of an important thing. Try to get him to talk about why he is feeling driven to work so much. He may have a good reason. And, if you need more intimacy, you can give some 'hints' without being critical. Men's sexual drive is really pretty complicated. More than most women know. It is very connected to how he feels about himself. If he feels successful and satisfied with his work, he is generally more "libidinous", because his testosterone is up to a good level. If he is stressed out and frustrated, his "big 'T' is generally lower. OK, so much for male psychology. But, don't think he has "lost interest" in you, or feels less for you. That would be a big mistake.
...............................
A
male
reader, lupa-k +, writes (23 April 2007):
I think it depends entirely on the people involved in the relationship. Some people are quite 'touchy feely', whereas others can for whatever reason be uncomfortable with that form of physical proximity. Sometimes it can be far too easily to try to read into things that really are not to be taken as a hint
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): I don't think there is a set range for something like this. Every individual has a different combination of needs and wants, and libidos. You can't just bunch the entire world together and say "this is how it should be". It isn't so simple.
For me, one of my ex's wasn't much for sexual exploration and was still quite shy whenever I wanted to go down on her, etc, etc. Holding hands wasn't fancied, but she didn't mind that I put my arm around her waist when we went out. In public, she was mature, gentle, and polite. In private, she was silly, and loved fooling around.
Another ex was wild in private, but aside from holding hands and hugging and the occasional kiss in public, she wasn't much for anything more than that. Though mind you, she was a lot more affectionate publically though she was 'against' it at the same time. Odd, thinking back on it.
Anyway, it's hard to answer your questions - especially in your last paragraph. This isn't something that can be the same with every new relationship. It's about the chemistry, the current needs and wants, goals, and priorities.
I think 'limits' are what you set yourself to do and what you feel you are comfortable with. You shouldn't based what you want to do and what you don't want to do on what someone else have or have not done.
...............................
|
