A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year and a half wants to go visit his family far away. In order to do so, he insists that i do not stay at our apartment on my own - none the less in the CITY on my own and tells me that I have to go to my family's house in another state and take six vacation days (of my yearly 12) otherwise it's clear that I do not care about him and I can "pack my bags in the morning and move out". I explained that I wanted to save the holiday days so we could go away together during the winter months and I am responded to with a "I always make the sacrifices, you do nothing for us, you're such a selfish b*tch". he has said these things for months and I have stayed by him because he was going through a rough time. How much is too much? I can not seem to get myself out of this bubble. Please help. He says he wants to tell his family we are going to get married. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): id say he wants you out of the way for some reason, maybe his family are comming to stay at yours and he is not actually going there. if thats the case then they certainly do not know about you.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 That is a ridiculous request. If it's your shared apartment you have a right to stay there whenever you want. On top of that he ties this to you caring about him? The nerve! He is trying to assert control over you and not acting like a loving boyfriend. It also seems like this is not the first time he's been verbally abusive to you either.
In fact, you should leave...leave and don't come back. Break it off. He is showing his true colors now and if you marry this loser you can expect lots of treatment like this in the future.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, r0ckah0l1c +, writes (5 August 2009):
Is he really going to meet his family or is he trying to get you to leave so he can have an affair at your apartment?
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A
female
reader, Farm Girl +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Only you can make the decision of how much is too much. However, he sounds very selfish,controlling and insecure! This will only get worse as time goes on, Married or not!
Being that I'm one who doesn't like to be given an ultimatum, I'd pack my things and leave. I'd leave him a note explaining how you feel, and that his selfish and controlling ways have driven you away. Granted, I'd disappear the night before he leaves, so he can have the next 6 days to think about it.
You are not a possession! If he truly loves you, and wants for you to be happy, he'll trust you, and give you the freedom to choose what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (5 August 2009):
I don't understand:
a) why he would want you to leave the city,
b) why he believes he can control your vacation days, or
c) why he would get so insulting when you ask him about his irrational behaviour.
It sounds like he is getting defensive and insulting you to hide something.
I also sense that he is using wanting to marry you as an excuse for his poor behaviour.
I can't know the entire situation, but frankly he doesn't seem worth the effort, and since he won't communicate with you, I would recommend you take him up on his threats, pack your bags and leave in the morning (or that very minute).
You deserve someone who respects you, doesn't think he can run your life, and doesn't need to hide things from you.
All the best,
Bliz
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