A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok please help aunts and uncles .... I'm single and ready to date again after a lengthy marriage. I have met a few guys but one really nice one and I'm pretty sure things will become physical soonI'm just a little worried thought as I know he has been single ( with some relationships in between) for a while and uses porn quite regularly. Now I know pretty much know most men use porn but I I'm just feeling a little nervous because he is so used to it. I take care of myself , exercise and eat well and enjoy dressing nicely, so that no problem but I'm no porn star.So I need so words of wisdom ... How much does porn influence a mans expectations of how a woman should look naked I've had several children and am no spring chicken .. I'm nervous and no matter how much I try to reason with myself this fear is niggling away at me I don't want him to just feel meh ... I want him to actually feel happy to be with me but is that even possible considering I won't even come close to looking like the women he is used to getting off too? Honest opinions?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 May 2014):
 From one man's point of view the answer is zero...Porn in my view is obviously fantasy and we men know that women in general do not act or look the way the porn stars do. It is all about our fantasy. We dream of being well endowed so as to please a women as well as the fantasy on screen but are sadly aware we can NEVER please a woman that much since it is all an act after all. The women fake these wild pleading orgasms and the males also well built just cruise along providing unachievable bucket loads of love cream all over writhing young bodies. It's all fake. we know it but wish it wasn't. Then we wistfully retreat to our boring little lives and dream on. Don't concern yourself over it. We expect more of ourselves than of of "real" women.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): Overuse of porn can have a worrying effect on men. My ex boyfriend only ever had one fantasy about me in our whole relationship and that was something lame aswell. He only thought about someone real when he hadn't got any porn. This guy didn't even have sexual fantasies! He didn't even find real women who look like models attractive whereas his friends would rave about these women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): Tisha is right, he should be grateful & happy to have you and why would you think of comparing yourself to porn workers or think he would? They are fake,(bodies and faces) messed up people, all on drugs. They look horrible. Many of the women porn workers hate men and they are happy to get out of that industry.
You should investigate his porn use a bit more before taking this step to make sure he isn't addicted to it as this will affect your relationship. I personally will not date anyone who watches pornography or needs that in any way for their sex life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): "How much does porn influence a mans expectations of how a woman should look naked?"
For some men out there, it influences them a lot:
http://broadblogs.com/2010/11/16/men-finding-fewer-women-%E2%80%9Cporn-worthy%E2%80%9D/
Although, there are also plenty who it doesn't affect at all. It depends on the individual. There is no "one speaks for all" with this type of question. Ask different men, and you'll get varying answers.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 This man should be profoundly grateful that he is even in the same room with you naked. He should be worried that HE is worthy of YOU. That's the way you ought to be thinking about this.
Not, "am I enough?" but "I am a beautiful woman and I deserve love and respect."
That being said, I expect there are some doofuses out there who use porn as a sexual textbook.
I expect you'll find out soon enough which type he is.
My guess is he's worried about what you think about him, and I'll bet he's worried if his penis is up to par, as big penises abound in porn.
Relax!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 April 2014):
 I agree with the first female anon poster. I don't think the concern should be about your physical appearance. After all, there are all shapes and sizes out there in porn, plus he is fully aware that you won't have the physique of an 18 year old. Also, I doubt he has the all the 'gifts' required of a male porn star, and I'm sure he's aware of that!
What I have experienced (unfortunately) is that some guys do expect a porn experience; certain things I won't go in to that porn actresses appear to derive great pleasure from, which in reality are all about the guy's pleasure and can be downright demeaning to the woman. At that point, you have to be very clear with your boundaries. Hopefully it won't be an issue, since you judge him to be a nice person. Just something to be aware of.
In your last paragraph, you're putting himself and his pleasure way in front of yourself. That's not good. Of course it's possible for him to enjoy being with you, sexually and otherwise. Try to be a bit more confident in yourself.
I hope all goes well.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Hi,It's a good question and one not easily answered. I would say that you can't tar all men with the likes porn brush.Some people, women included use porn as a heightener to sexual intercourse. For instance a couple I regularly see, watch porn together and they use it as part of the foreplay.I don't think any reasonable individual looks at the actresses and believes that is what women should be. Every woman is beautiful and has things about her that will drive their partner wild with excitement.You need to understand that not everyone is looking for a size zero model, yes some will wish their partners had smaller boobs, bigger boobs or smaller or bigger bum.These however are just fantasies and pie in the sky dreams that men and women don't really act upon. I'm sure women have often looked at their partners penis and thought, "wonder what it would be like bigger?" but you don't force your partner to get an operation to try it out.Hope that helps a little and good luck.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (30 April 2014):
I don't think you were vilifying him for using porn, just asking reasonable questions. The use of pornography is an issue when starting out in relationships. I know some people for whom it wrecked their sex life because the male was unable to have normal sex without it. It was all too humdrum and he lost the ability to connect with his girlfriend as a lover. He became only able to respond to self masturbation because of the pressure of his hand. The extent was made secret and it was hidden. Others use it occasionally and their partners have no issue. Some men have virtual sex using Skype, which to me personally would be unacceptable. So would the use of prostitutes. It is something that ought to be in the open and clear at the start, before any intimacy. Quite a tricky one but it shouldn't be skipped, it is all a part of getting to know and trust someone.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Anyone with any maturity and common sense can see past the fakery that is porn...all that "oh baby! its so good baby! oh yeah baby!..." is so fake and tacky! I use porn but I know the difference between real life and fake nonsence. After making love I talk to and cuddle my partner. After using porn I click "close" and its gone and forgotten.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014): First, stop vilifying men for liking porn. Secondly, be yourself and offer yourself as you are. Do not stress yourself out trying to appeal to the imagination of any man.
You cannot read minds; so you will never ever be able to mold yourself into an imaginary female in some guy's brain.
Porn is purchased normally for the label on the box; and the subject matter. It is used to get off on. No feelings are involved. Porn actresses are not all perfect. They have normal figures, and come in all shapes and sizes. Depending on the guy's preference at the time. He may like a variety of body-types. These ladies are heavily made-up, wear wigs or weaves; and some even show scars from c-sections. I know you've seen prostitutes on the streets. Do they look like they should get paid? Seriously?!!!
You are a vibrant, sensual, warm-blooded, breathing female; with a heartbeat. You are not some sleaze-bag actress selling her body and soul, for the sexual-pleasure of strange men she'll never meet. In real-life, porn actresses don't even look like you see them on the screen. They get boob-jobs, exaggerate their make-up, and wear outfits you'd get arrested for soliciting; if she walked down the street. You do not want to compare yourself to that image. You are better than that. Stretch-marks, imperfections, and all.
When he didn't have the pleasure of someone real and sweet like you, his hand was his girlfriend. You don't just appeal to his imagination, you have somehow captured his heart. He wants to be with you. If it's only for the sake of sex; then don't hitch your feelings to someone like that.
There is no way to make women understand the things that go on in a man's mind. I will not try to advocate for men who like porn; because it is a form of entertainment and a tool for masturbation. It objectifies women, and it makes ladies like you feel that's what men expect from real women. Men can find women like that, if they want them. They usually cost by the hour. You are better than that, and if he's not satisfied with you as you are; then I say, let the ass-hat go find himself a blow-up doll.
Be proud of the woman you are. You have been a mother, a wife, and you have survived many life-challenges. You are the end-result of your successful journey to this point in your life. You have found someone to care for you, and to share intimacy. Just relax and go with the flow.
He will appreciate you for that alone. He can't fulfill your every dream; so maybe YOU should worry about what HE looks like naked! If he has a pinky for a willie; I hope you will still like him for the man he is. He had better like you for the woman you are.
My dear lady, you have devoted enough of your lifetime trying to please other people. Boyfriends, a husband, your parents, friends, a boss, and your children.
Now place some responsibility on men to live up to your standards.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 April 2014):
 I struggle with the term ".. uses porn...." Would you please explain? For me, I "use" that little wrenchy-thing to get my garbage disposal to turn when I've jammed it by putting silverwear or too many shrimp shells in it.... That's what I know about "use."
Nevertheless..... you may rest your mind at ease... You see,... when a guy has reason to believe that he is going to get a lady to remove her clothes, in his presence, an amazing transformation takes place in his eyes. THEY GO COMPLETELY BLIND!!!! That is a well-documented evolutionary phenomenon which assured that not-so-attractive females (women) could and would participate in the continuation of the species.
You are going to find that most/any/all guys who are about to go to bed with you will say not a darn thing about your naked appearance.....
IF'n you want to punish yourself with such concerns... and would like to learn if guys actually DO "go blind" in the presence of a naked lady.... you will need to infiltrate the men's locker room at your nearest tennis, health or racquetball club... and listen...
Good luck...
P.S. To me (and many others of us men)... all woman are porn stars!!!! .. with, OR WITHOUT, clothes!!!!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Agree that it depends on age and maturity. Things are different now. There are teenage boys who have seen hundreds of hours of industrial porn before they ever kiss a real girl -- it's hard to imagine that their perceptions of real relationships and intimacy haven't been warped to some extent. But a guy who is older, who has been in real relationships and has been around the block a few times? I doubt it's a factor. Not if he has more than half a brain.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 April 2014):
I prefer the natural look personally, and in the rare occasions I watch porn that's what I look for. Some guys do prefer the porn star look, but that's something you can see with your clothes on, so I'm sure he realizes that you aren't a porn star under your clothes.
I agree with most other people when they say that men don't usually compare porn bodies to real bodies since 99.99% of women don't look like a typical porn star.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (30 April 2014):
Men don't usually use to porn to compare a womans body with there real life partner. They watch porn to get turned on by the sex acts. Some men watch porn with ugly, fat or old women that they would never sleep with in reality. Some men enjoy porn with women of a different type, colour, size, shape or performing a sex act they would not want in real life. Porn is about the sex, not the womans body.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014): 1. Depends how intelligent/mature they are. 2. Depends how addicted they are. The more addicted the more they will think meh to mostly EVERYONE. Remember....The movies are filmed under special lighting so you can't see blemishes etc. They are airbrushed, most men know this. I wouldn't date a regular porn uses anyway after what's happened to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014): From my experience, porn has no impact on how you look. If you are asking if he will be comparing your body to the 19yr old porn star's body then the answer is it is quite unlikely.
However, my main gripe with porn is that it gives men unrealistic ideas of what sex should be like. Guys who I have been with who watched a lot of porn would sometimes have unrealistic expectations of how the sex should be. The women on their are purely actresses and filling out a male fantasy. In real life most women do not like certain sexual stuff.
Good Luck
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