A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How much does appearance matter to men?For example, I don't put in any effort into my appearance except that my clothes are clean (I usually wear t-shirts and jeans). My boyfriend says that the clothing I wear either makes me look really young (hello kitty or cutsey variety) or it doesn't fit me at all (too big around the waist, torso). He also says that other girls here put in a lot more effort into their appearance than I do (it is very true). He says that I don't even comb my hair most of the time, and my hair si full of split ends (I didn't even notice until he pointed it out).Do you think I should put in more effort? He spends more time getting ready in the washroom than I do. I'm just conflicted - like I personally think most of my clothes are unflattering, but I feel like if I improve, then I'm doing what HE says. I don't want him to feel like he can tell me what to do. On the other hand, I know I dress like crap. My clothing makes ME feel like crap. I just feel so clueless (like I honestly don't know how to style my hair or wear make up) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 I agree with everything Dear Jilly wrote- and I 'd like you to apologize for having caused me mental and physical pain :)
Your post was like a stab to every fibre of my Italian,fashion-oriented being.
A pretty, young, fresh female that only wears shapeless,ill-fitting T -shirts ? Ouch ! The pain.. !
Who does not comb her hair and reduce her young,and therefore presumably healthy and abundant, mane to a scruffy mass of split ends ? - Ah! No ! Please ! I can'take it !
And... she never wore make up. EVER.
The salts,please..... I feel like fainting....
Ok- now that I came to after my fainting spell , I want to say- first that I hope you did not get mad, I was just joking. Honestly where I live it's very difficult to see anybody embracing your " less is more " look, but hey, there are thousands of styles , and thousands of ways
to look good ; maybe you have found the one who best suits
your personality, so , as long as you feel good into your skin,- wear what you like and just be yourself.
Second,THOUGH, we don't take good care of ourselves to impress men or to seduce men )( well,we do !, but that's not the only reason ). We do it for ourselves, to celebrate our beauty, sensuality and femininity. To start
the day with a smile in our face and a spring in our step, because we love what we see in the mirror. Because bringing out the inner beauty, the inner attraction power, that ANY woman owns, no matter her age size and shape- it's FUN.Try,like Dear Jilly says : a drop of perfume here... a dab of lipstick there..... I'm sure that in no time you'll get the hang of it,and will ditch all the baggy clothes !
A
female
reader, almc +, writes (11 September 2010):
Did you always dress like this? Before you guys even dated? If he can't love you for who you are, and you can't make your self look a little good, then you guys are going to be suck where you are at.
But good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): I don't think this anything to do with your boyfriend, as you quite clearly say " I dress like crap, my clothing makes ME feel like crap"
So your boyfriend takes an interest in you, wants you to take a pride in yourself, and him spending more time in the wash room than you, well it's hardly surprising if you can go without combing your hair most of the time.
This is not about you doing as he says - MORE you should want to take a pride in your appearance, how clean you look, combing and washing your hair ( but I'll presume you do wash your hair ) Yes jeans a t-shirt looks great, no one would deny that, but not all the time, and why not wear some make-up, you don't have to look like a Brrbie doll,and I'm positive that is not what your boyfriend is suggesting.
If you don't know what suits you, get some help, there are lots of online fashion websites, make-up sites where you can upload a photo of yourself and practice with different looks.
Personally I like a man who takes a great pride in himself, one who likes look and smell good, has his hair styled, nails and teeth well looked after, so may you should be pleased he likes to look good for you, and of course for himself - it shows pride!
Give it go, you may enjoy dressing up a bit SOMETIMES.. heels, stockings, a touch of make-up, perfume..it's wonderful being woman, enjoy it and have fun with it!
Jilly
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