A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair but am a bit unsteady on my feet at times. I have got a dating profile on Match, should I include my disability on there? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do contact them sometimes and ask them about something on their profile.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 If you are contacting them and they are not replying then my guess would be that they are not interested. How are you contacting them and what are you saying to them? Maybe make sure you sound nice and interesting and try not to look like you are coming on strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:
I am getting more views now than before! (when I didn't include that I have a disability).
Any advice on how to turn those views into replies? (if you see what I mean)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): As long as it is mentioned it really doesn't matter where you indicate it. You mentioned at the beginning, and if you're comfortable with that; that's what's most important.
Good luck, my friend!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have put it at the start of my profile - is that a good position?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs mentioned in here, I put I have a slight disability, but an fully functional and healthy - doesn't seem to have stopped people from looking at my profile!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): My point was that you're careful about sharing medical information; because there are trolls out there who prey and play on the loneliness and vulnerabilities of those who are disabled.
The point is to let people know your stronger suits first, and then share your other challenges. The was no implication you should hide or be ashamed of them on my part.
You want love, not pity or sympathy. Compassion and respect come first. Unfortunately; there are predatory-types of people who will pretend not to care about your physical challenges to take advantage of you. So be cautious.
The truth is, you don't know exactly what to expect until you actually meet each other. You have to be strong enough to handle their reactions; just as they have to handle your surprise when they don't look or seem exactly as you've anticipated. Smart and decent people are prepared for imperfections; even disabilities. You can't afford to be over-sensitive, and be in the dating-world.
The sophistication among more mature and educated ladies in your age-group; are better prepared than those in the millennial age-group. Younger ladies are more likely to be concerned about appearance; and will wonder how well you will function sexually and physically. Obviously, because they are more physically-active.
Don't feel you have to divulge too many details to perfect strangers, who really can't judge you until they actually meet you anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your suggestions - there is a fine line here between putting people off contacting me in the first place and telling the truth. They are going to find out sooner or later, and I'd rather say it in a subtle way by rereading these posts and just putting it!
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 March 2017):
I think you should do whatever you are comfortable with. As long as you are not dishonest and lie to people then tell them whatever you want to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017): You need only casually mention you have a slight disability, and you are otherwise fully functional and healthy. Do not share the name of your physical disorder. That's too much information.
You will always discover things unmentioned about anyone who responds to your profile; so don't worry about that. It is important that you show you have no reservations or insecurities about your disabilities. If you can't accept them, don't expect anyone else to. This is a matter of privacy.
I personally think the time to say you're unsteady on your feet, is when someone asks about what you meant by a "slight disability." I don't believe it necessary to publicize the nature or any symptom of your disability. That's very personal.
If you get hits on your profile and an actual conversation ensues, take your time; and ask the questions that are pertinent to you before giving details about yourself. Like "how do you feel about guys with war injuries or minor physical challenges?" That will tell you a lot about that person before going any further, or revealing anything more regarding the nature of your disability. You can also mention, how you manage to steady yourself; and let them know you don't require assistance. One of the things I adore about women is that they still give you benefit of the doubt. They tend to be fair and intuitive. Not all now!
Our selfish, over-entitled, and shallow society tends to be politically-correct, but morally-challenged. If not phony. Dating is a weeding and selection process; so you make allowances for the negative side of human nature. You will have your limitations on looks and physical attributes as well, so it goes two-ways. Be fair!
Fortunately, women tend to be less impressed by your physical-attributes; and more interested in your personality, character, and level of sanity. They've seen enough perfectly handsome "devils!"
Of course, they'd want to know more details; if things should ever progress to romantic-interest. You owe them details that could affect their decision to proceed. It's only fair that they'd want to know that healthy children could come from the ultimate love-connection and commitment, marriage. Women do think far ahead when they become interested romantically.
If there is a recent full-length picture in your profile, that should be enough. Preferably standing and during some form of activity. The beach, the park, or a party for example. Over-sharing only appeals to the insecure; and even then you can't satisfy those with prejudices, narcissism, and unrealistic appetites for perfection.
Please be sincere, not too focused on imperfections, and show yourself standing. Then that will alleviate hesitation to make an inquiry to get to know you. Based on more than where (or how) you stand on a scale of 1-10.
Best of luck!
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (24 February 2017):
I, personally, would simply skirt around the issue in you profile and then be honest as soon as you start conversing with someone one-to-one.
Does your profile allow you to upload several photographs? If so you could upload a couple of full length pictures of you with your mobility aid. That should give people a good enough hint without them conjuring up images of someone with severe disabilities.
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female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (24 February 2017):
They say for security don't put too much info. However if you have a disability, by all means mention it. But don't say too much. What I mean by this is that it can come across as too much info too soon.
Say something honest and positive like "I have a disability but it doesn't stop me living my life to the max, in fact my disability has made me appreciate life more and I have a lot of love to share because of it" That's it. Say no more than that.
People are a lot more accepting and less prejudiced I feel nowadays. So good luck and have fun.
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 I agree that its best to be honest even though many people on the internet dating sites are not. Do you use a cane? If so, you might state as anonymous said and say something like "I'm sometimes a little unsteady on my feet as occasionally use a cane" or something along those lines. If it makes you feel uncomfortable putting that on the dating site then DO state it in an early phone conversation BEFORE meeting. There are some people that it won't matter but there are others who aren't open minded or just uncomfortable and it would be best to weed them out early in the running to save yourself time and trouble. I wish you all the best...its kind of crazy out there but there are nice people like you, just trying to find another nice person. Good luck!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017): I wouldnt mention the disability in this climate of anti disability sentiment in case you became the object of a planned hate crime.
I would refer to myself as 'non sporty sportslover and see if anyone out there shared the same football team.
Chatting under no obligation!
The world is full of people with all mindsets so try to find someone with similar values but honesty online often equates to a lack of prudence so keep it generic.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017): I am not sure about this. Either you should include it on your profile, or you should inform about this at the very beginning of when you start to write someone.
This will put someone off, but it is far better to weed out the people who would have a problem with your disability early on, rather than build up hopes and dreams and then meet and be disappointed.
I have been online for dating many times over the years. I always try to be upfront in my profile without sharing too much information. In your case, you could for example write that you are a bit unsteady on yoru feet due to a medical condition, and not mention exactly what or give out too many details.
My experience is that honesty is always apprechiated. If you fail to mention such a condition, a condition that would potentially affect a relationship, people would probably feel that you lied to them by omission. If you feel your condition does not affect a relationship in any way, and that you are able to do everything you want and you're not hindered by your condition, you might choose to not mention it until you're on an actual date.
I guess I would compare it to me wearing glasses. If I only had pictures on myself wearing contacts on my profile, my dates would surely be surprised if I showed up with thick glasses. It's better to prepare people for the reality of who you are, than to only present the "ideal" version of yourself.
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