A
female
age
51-59,
*orothea
writes:Is this a red flag for a relationship?Im getting to know this guy Im 41 hes 43, the odd thing is, he never seems to have had a really significant other in his life ever, only relationships lasting a few weeks maybe. His family told me when he was young he met a girl he really fell in love with and she took him for every penny and deserted him, and ever since then he cannot trust. However I think we all have had bad experiences in relationships and should just try again. It seems odd that hes never lived with a woman even. He has hinted he has used prostitutes in the past however, which isnt as much of a problem for me to be honest. Does this guy sound a bit dodgy for a relationship? I know this isnt much info so its a bit difficult to answer sorry.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): 1. Are you one of these people who have a great need to fix someone because that will be your first mistake?
2. You say you do not have a problem with him having had sex with prostitutes I think you may want to ask him where he picked them up, were they clean, what type of sex and was it protected sex. Consider this...a person who has sex with perfect strangers is partiscipating in high risk behavior and if he is willing to have sex with anyone then he does not respect himself so what makes you think he will respect you.
3. His own family has warned you and maybe they know more then they are saying. They are trying to save you from being hurt and used?
4. You also said that all his encounters were extreamly short and what I see is that he just wants to have sex and nothing else. I do not think that the word relationship is applicable here. I do not sense that that is what he has been looking for. I think he looks for someone to fulfill his desires and if he can get it for free then so be it.
So I would suggest you RUN LIKE HELL!!!!
On the other hand he may be just the man you are looking for. Your own values and morels may be low enough that you could be happy with this person. He will never love you, respect you and he will always be looking to have his desires fulfilled by any passing stranger. Good Luck! You will need it if you deside this is the man for you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010):
The big red flag that I see is that you are considering having a relationship with a man, whom apparently is not interested in relationships. Do you think you can show him the way and save his life??? People only change when they want to , not when someone else wants them to :(
Go out on a few dates with him, but continue searching for a better man! Besides, the one things that makes men feel possessive over a woman is another man taking interest in their woman LOL
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 From what his family said I would say he has just had terrible relationships and needs someone who will be willing to work in restoring his trust in others. He could be an amazing guy who just needs to know someone loves him for who he is.
I say to give him a chance and if anything gets weird you can just leave but this is one of those cases where you may pass up the sweetest guy ever because he is little odd.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Well he has trust issues, which isn't great. I personally would have a problem knowing that someone i'm dating had been with a prostitute but if you're not that's fine. I would be cautious because it sounds like since he got hurt all those years ago he's now got commitment issues and maybe just gets with women for sex or companionship but doesn't get serious because of the trust issue.
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