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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am a 29 year old woman trying to figure out if I have had too many partners or if I am just average and don't need to worry. I feel pretty average. But when men ask, I'm never sure how I measure up. I know it depends on the man. How many partners is a red flag to men?I've been with 7 men and 1 woman. Is that a lot? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 74charger  +, writes (6 January 2011):
You my dear are perfectly fine , men strongly desire a woman that has managed to keep herself in the single digit area. It is what most good men value more than anything , even if they dont realize it. You are indeed a rare , and special woman. The man who gets you is lucky indeed.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): I'm 41, was married for 20, have had 5 sexual partners. If you were to tell me on a date that you slept with 7 men, I would totally NOT think you were either slutty or overly reserved. That is probably the perfect number at your age. To me, it shows you have experimented a bit and enjoyed sex enough that it will be good with me. But you're not So experienced, that I'm just another lay, or nothing I could offer sexually would be exciting to you.
I don't generalize with numbers too much. I wouldn't want a woman with hangups or self esteem issues, and either CAN be the case with an excessively low OR high number. But it is not always so. I've known very virtuous and selective women who had many partners (like over 25) simply because they were gorgeous and had thousands of offers. In that case, 25 guys out of maybe 500 who openly offered in her lifetime is not bad at all. Some people only have sex with a handful of partners because they just don't get as many offers...may be because they live in a small town, aren't very good looking or confident, religious beliefs, etc.
What matters is being happy, being confident, and that the nature of the relationships you HAVE been in has made you a better person.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 No, if they wanted to know about STD's they'd ask about STD's, not about your number of sexual partners. There's a difference: asking the number of partners means nothing in terms of whether you carry any STD's or not. Asking to get checked up in perfectly fine I think, but you don't need to ask the other persons number.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your all your helpful comments. I suppose I did want affirmation that I was normal.
But, I do think men (and women) have a right to ask the # if they are concerned about STDs. There are so many types you can catch even with protection. Sometimes it all seems to boil down to statistics.
So I guess I understand why someone might ask the question (beyond their interest in determining if I'm a slut or not)
Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): First, there is no "right answer"... and guys shouldn't be asking... and you have NO obligation to tell them. Men have a horrible habit of "wanting to know" right up until they hear the number and then it's either too high or too low...
Frankly 7M +1F sounds about perfect to me (2F might be better, but that's a different issue).
Think about it... your 29... if you became sexually active at 20 that's less than one person per year... that's not bad at all. There are women out there who can do more than that in one week of Spring Break in Mexico...
Relax- and resist the urge to disclose hard data... if you want to share that you've been with a girl, do so, if they ask how many, you can either say one, once... or one a few times... or none of your business and keep some mystery!
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 You're fine.
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male
reader, CrazyCowboy +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Hell'no... WAIT! Are you a nun? lol Im no casanova but ive know ladies that have had no partners all the way up to 17 partners. so seven isn't bed at all.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 January 2011):
I don't think that's a lot, but then again Im not someone who finds the number of sexual partners a cause for concern at all. At best it describes a life style, and would to me mean the same as if someone told me they once backpacket through Europe when they were younger. It's just a part of their life choices and tells me something about them as a person, neither in a good or bad way. Because who they are as a person is to be found out by talking to them. In my opinion.
But not all are as great as me when it comes to that!
I think some guys might be scared if the woman has had more sexual partners than him as it immasculates him. Also the number of partners "accptable" depends on your age, where you live, and where your man in question is from. 7 men and 1 woman in my book is little. It's a good enough number to tell me you know what you're doing in bed, aren't overly picky, and a bit adventurous and probably up for some good times (in a purely positive manner).
At your age, 29, if you told me you only had 2-5 partners I'd probably think you're picky, critical, difficult and have really high standards, although I think it all depends on the person. 6-16, in my book again, = normal sexual activity. 17-35 = high sex drive. 36+ = adventurous, probably leads a very interesting life, might have been a bit of a slut, but I'd not judge before getting to know the person. It depends on the context. If they used to be part of a harem-styled life where such numbers are normal then that's just a part of the story of their lives.
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male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (5 January 2011):
Before I give you my opinion, your question shows that you are concerned about how men might view you based on your answer. You want to know if you have had too many partners. To many for who? How ever many people you have been with, whether it is 0 or over 1000, is not a basis on which to judge someone. Be happy with who you are and your experience, and be free to speak your truth when people ask you, if they have a problem with who you are or your experience, its their problem and you should not feel good or bad based on their judgement or their opinion. For what its worth, as a 29 year old having had 8 sexual parters, I would say statistically that's in the average range. Doesn't really matter though, people should accept you for who you are, including the truth of your past, and if they won't they are not worth having in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Everybody will have different opinions on this question. But my opinion is no, that isn't a lot at your age.
I'm quite curious myself on this question actually because I don't know what's average and what not either.
But I use to have a lot of friends/know a lot of people who'd slept with a lot of people. I mean some of the girls I went to school with had slept with like 11 men by the time they were 13! So of course, 7 doesn't seem like a lot at all to me at your age.
It depends on when that person lost their virginity as well I guess. I mean if you lost yours last year then yeah, that's quite a lot! But I'm sure it's been longer than that.
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (4 January 2011):
I would say it was about average.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): no it is not a lot.....i am a woman and in my life time ive been with 4 times that number literally, humans are animals....people experiment and when we try new things sometimes we dont like it or get bored and move onto the next....it nature as long as you are safe and use protection and get checked out dont consider yourself a slut ....p.s most people i know have slept with at least over 20 people...it sounds gross but its the truth
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): No, that doesn't seem like a lot to me. I've known women who have only been with a couple men and I always think they're probably a little too uptight about sex, which is kind of a turn-off for me. On the other hand, I've known women who have had 25-30 lovers (at age 30ish) and I kind of thought that was excessive and they probably had low self-esteem.As a general rule, I kind of think one sexual partner for every year of your life over 18 is about "average". Of course, if you've been in a relationship for several years, that rule doesn't apply. For example, if you're 28 and were in a relationship for 5 years after turning 18, then 6 partners would seem okay to me (one during the 5 year relationship and one for every other year).Also, keep in mind that the type of relationship you had with each lover can be a red flag. For example, if I meet a girl who has had sex with people she's dated for a while, that doesn't bother me at all. However, if she's had a bunch of one-night stands (one or two in the younger days isn't that big of a deal) or someone who sleeps with someone on the first date, every time, that starts to make me think she's probably too promiscuous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): as they say there is nothing wrong with having fun with all the wrong ones until the right one comes along
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female
reader, lil212 +, writes (4 January 2011):
Hi there!
No not at all!!! I think that is not too many partners at all .... unless you lost your virginity in the last month :-) But so what if you are being safe what's the problem x
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