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male
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anonymous
writes: pliz help!!! How many guys have taken back their girlfriends after finding out they cheated? my girlfriend cheated on me 6 months ago I found out 1 month ago, we are in a long distance relationship. I want her back but I'm battling with my pride, I still feal I can trust her, more to say its the distance that lead to such actions. She says she's sorry and wants a second chance. it wouldnt hurt to give her the chance would it? only time will tell as we have 2 more years apart. believe me the fact that she luvs me that much and yet she cheated confuses me coz the luv is there. I'm still yet to get to the bottom of the situation when she comes for holidays as to why she cheated? How many relationships have been successful after one (female) cheats? our goal is to get married one day not soon coz of this. Now I wouldnt cheat on her coz I simply luv her, but I thought cheating was associated with man coz of our natural biological differences. When a woman does it, normally she's a slut, its simply who she is,its (sorry no offence ladies) disgusting!! utterely unforgivable!! and yet here I am taking her back..pliz any ADVICE, OPINION, COMENT....HELP!!!
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female
reader, Vanny +, writes (20 October 2006):
yaaa,i agree wth David,Ariel,Lostandalone... evry 1 dezervs a 2nd chance,no 1 is perfect u know!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 I agree with Iris49. It's an outright slap in the face to the person who loves you most. There is probably nothing worse you could do to your partner. To take the chance of crushing your partners heart and sol so you can have sex is sooooshallow. Sex is a momentary act of pleasure. Anyone who has experienced true love, knows it's about the past,present and future. Good memories, bad ones and dreams. It's about in laws, kids, homes etc. The whole ballof wax. To treat it with disrespect and put yourself in the position cheating is the ultimate act of evil.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2006): Nope, no 2nd chances here! When a person cheats, there simply has to be a big 'disconnect' between love, emotions, sexuality and moral foundations. How does a person have a no-strings, sexual liaison with some other person and then throw themselves at the mercy of the betrayed person, pledging honor and fidelity to them? Don't you think that's a bit too late? A bit superficial, perhaps? Honoring commitment to a loved one, in the first place before cheating has occurred, is what a true, meaningful love is. What most people forget, is the betrayed partner has now seen a portion of the 'cheaters' character that is truly questionable. Frankly, I know why I wouldn't take a cheating person back...because of how that one act of betrayal would empty me and numb me, as a person. To continue loving someone who cheated, would cause me to hate myself for tolerating such a thing and quite honestly, that's too big of a price to pay, to someone who thought nothing of me, to do this in the first place. So...people that get cheated on, need to know, they not only deserve better-they can do better. Again, just my views...so take it or leave it.
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A
male
reader, Guybrush +, writes (19 October 2006):
 I think everybody deserves a second chance, but I think it depends on a number of things.
For instance, if the other person cheated with a brother or best friend, then I think the relationship can say goodbye.
Cheating is disrespectful at worst, but when it is so close to home, that is just downright disgusting.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (19 October 2006):
 Irish you and I have debated this and I have had extensive conversations with Ariel on this subject but I think that everyone deserves a chance and its up to them to prove themselves, whether it takes 2 hours or 20 years. The thing is you can love someone and cheat but to be willing to throw yourself down to their mercy also shows love and to try with everything you have to win that trust and affection back is also a testament to love because one could very easily walk away. Like Ariel said everyone deserves a chance.
My opinion. Take it or leave it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2006): You are right, Ariel. Everyone does have different viewpoints and experiences. To the question asker. No one can tell you what to do. Al we can do is voice our own thoughts here. I had an ex fiancee, some years back who said he loved me but he cheated on me. I was in so much pain and as much as I loved him...I still showed him the door. Best move I ever made...a few years later I met and married a great guy, who never cheated. I personally do not understand why if someone claims to love another, why they would even fathom cheating. Cheating to me is such an painful act of blatant 'self-centeredness' and people who cheat when they claim to love, simply do not understand what the word commitment is or what it takes to honour that way of life. How can one hurt someone they love. At present, I have chosen someone in my life, who does understand that. A cheater does not have what it takes to be with a gal, like me. Cheating is a conscious, delibrate choice and it always was and that choice is a lack of control over one's actions. I view that as a bad, bad character flaw and a waste of my time. Just my own personal viewpoint. Take it or leave it, folks.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (19 October 2006):
 I was cheated on numerous times early in our relationship. I suspected and had a private detective friend to find out the truth. I was sent photos and video of her and this guy.
I finished with her and she pleaded for another chance, saying she made a terrible mistake and now realised what she had lost.
Eventually, I reluctantly gave her the chance to prove herself. She has proved herself and I would say I trusted her almost completely. We are closer now than we ever were and she values what she has a lot more.
I still get visions of her and this guy sometimes, so I can be very moody sometimes, but when I hold her and look into her eyes, I can only see myself. I feel we are made for eachother.
Don't listen to anybody who says, Once a cheat, always a cheat. Thats just shite.
It is possible to forgive a cheat, but I don't think I can ever forget what happened.
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