A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I have been dating a guy for six months, He is separated with three kids under 13. He has not introduced me to them yet.Is that normal? He sees them regularly. Thanks. :o) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, he is very busy with his kids, commitments, and being a ful time carer for his ill sister, so there is quite alot for him to be getting on with , although he COULD make more time for me, and for some reason he isn;t. I have now laid it on the line to him, by text. This is what I put.' I had a really good night last night, and enjoyed your company. Its; a shame you could not have stayed over as you used to. Its now boiled down to us spending one night a week together. I am a bit concerned as I thought things were going forward, but now they seem to be going backwards. I just want to be honest with you. I need a bit more out of this at this stage, as I;m not sure where this is going. I won’t be mentioning this again. Let’s just see how it goes.Anyway, Have a good day.So I think that tells him everything really, and if I do not hear from him again, I know he could not give me anymore, or did not want to give me anymore. I can;t go on with this part time stuff anymore, as I miss him all the time, and it;s too painful. i hope this comes right. if it doesn;t. I would raher start the healing process sooner rather than later. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all. Thank u very much for taking the time to answer me. I feel much better knowing that six months is not a long time not to meet the kids. However, we only see each other twice a week,and it,s no longer enough for me. I.ve told him this,but nnt much has changed. It seems he wants to take his time about stuff,but i miss him all the time and want to move things forward. Am i rushing to much with this as well? Thanx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): He's been separated for 6 months but not divorced? Most won't introduce their kids until the divorce and custody is determined because it can hurt them in court. It's in no one's best interest to start involving 3rd parties until a custody/visitation agreement is in place. Your involvement could have a negative impact on him and seeing his kids from a judge's perspective.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Yes this is normal. This also depends on what happened with his ex and the circumstances behind them splitting. He is protecting his children and also remember that his ex may disaprove with him introducing his children so soon but let me tell you something, as far as I am concerned 6 months is too soon. I have a 14 month old and I will not allow my ex to introduce my son to his new partner as she is the reason we split for a start, also I am not certain they will last, mainly because of her past and I will not allow my son to get hurt. You could talk to your partner and tell him they you are aware his children are and always will be his number one priority and you are ready to meet them when he is ready and then the ball is in his court so to speak. This is certainly an issue that should not be pushed and certainly not at this stage in your relationship....6 months isn't actually that long and depending on the ages of his children he needs to think about their reaction and how they will feel and he may feel its not right for them to know just yet. This has to be his choice and his ex's aswel, I know that if I ever meet anyone else that I will wait and wait if I meet someone else and I would also speak to my ex too about it just to let him know and also prepare him in case my son says anything. Has I have said speak to him and tell him you are ready to meet his children when he is ready, but remember 6 months isn't actually that long
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reader, RedAthena  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 I am a single parent and I made a rule that new bf's are not going to meet my kids unless they are definely are long term in my life. I always tell my kids that I am dating and my bf loves hearing about my kids, but I do not mix the two. All my bfs have understood this. We are seeing if WE fit for a committed relationship first.
I would say by 6 mos you know if this is a relationship worth pursuing. However, you can not convince HIM if it is time to introduce to family. He needs to make that call for the best interest of his kids. He may not be ready yet.
Since he is still seperated, he may not be in a place to introduce another woman to them.
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reader, ironman777  +, writes (14 September 2011):
Hi - its a case by case thing and also how comfortable each person is with the idea of meeting the others kids.
Meeting the kids is a huge step for some people while others thinks its natural and not an issue.
I agree with the others, if the meeting of kids is holding back the relationship in some way then you need to start talking about it. It could be a deal breaker...
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Very normal. How long has he been separated? You weren't involved in his marriage breakup were you?
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 This is a pretty sensitive issue... and I'm loath to suggest that there is "a time" after which a new squeeze/partner SHOULD expose you to their kids.... There are plenty of variables in the situation... and one needs to look at those which apply to his/her circumstances...IF you have gotten quite close to this guy, AND there have been circumstances wherein it would have been uneventful for you to have met his kids... then you might question why he didn't take that opportunity....IF there is on-going turmoil in his kids' lives.... say, due to angst and vitriole between him and his ex- (the kids' parents)... then discretion sez to wait before exposing the kids to any more turmoil.....Figure out where he is.... what is the situation is with him, the kids and their mother.... You might just take a private moment with your new beau, and ask HIM how he is handling this detail,.... and how he sees things going in the future....Good luck...
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