A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend three weeks ago. I did not contact her for a few weeks, but then decided to contact her and ask her to meet up to discuss us. We had a lovely dinner and I asked her if she wanted to try again. When we broke up I asked her the same question and she said no. This time she said she could not answer on the night. She did say that she loved me and missed me, and kissed me when she dropped me off at the station.I have left things for over a week now, and have had no contact whatsoever. I have had break-ups in the past where I have been the the person dumped, and I have never attempted to try again. This time it is different because I love this girl more than all of my previous relationships put together and my heart is telling me she is worth fighting for. We broke up because I was too needy and clingy, but I have resolved the root causes of the neediness now.So how long should I wait? I thought of sending her flowers thanking her for the great times that we had in the preceding eight months - is this a good idea?I cannot move on and heal until I get her answer, yet the longer this is going on, the more it is eating me up despite keeping myself busy.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 You were together for 8 months and you've been broken up for how long now?
No, definitely do not send flowers. If she broke up because you were too needy you need to learn how to get by without her. As in no contact with her. If she contacts you it is ok, but you have already told her you want to get back together and the ball is in her court now.
I believe you might still be needy, not in a bad way, but because you say you can not heal unless you hear from her. Yes you can heal. It is the needyness in you that makes up reasons for why you simply "have" to contact her, "have" to talk to her "need" to let her know something. It appears as so important in the moment you can not do anything else but focus on how important this is. And that is one definition of needyness. You are basically telling us you "need" this and that "or else" you can't move on. Ask yourself how many times you think these thoughts, and identify them as thoughts you do not want in your life.
Focus on yourself and your own life, and do not care what she does. You have told her what you wanted to say, and you have done all you should do. Leave it be and focus on you now.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Don't contact her at all or send flowers unless she contacts you first. Period. If she doesn't contact then that's your sign to move on.
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