A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi me and my partner of 6years decided to have a break 2weeks ago due to him drinking to much he dosnt drink every day maybe 2/3 times a week but when he does he gets totally drunk acts stupid and nasty he only acts like this when he goes out on his own never when hes out with me since we have parted he hasnt had a drink started going back to the gym he says he wants to change hes gone back to live at his mums we still speak and txt and have been to see him at his mums and we are getting on better my head is all over the place he wants to come home i want him home but how long do you have a break for before its to late to get back together we dont want to start where we left off we want things to be better, i dont know if hes just saying he wants to come home so i dont start moving on but am in limbo do i wait for him to come home or move on with my life he says he loves me to bits and i love him hes a great guy when he hasnt had a drink and we get on fantastic so what do i do does he need more time or his he just stringing me along HELP Thankyou to everyone that replys to this dilemma
View related questions:
a break, drunk, get back together, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (22 July 2010):
 It's not like milk. There's no shelf-life on things like this, so it's all about how you both feel and when you're ready to try it again.
A
female
reader, caring karen +, writes (21 July 2010):
you should try talking things through with him dont let him come back home unless he proves that he has stopped drinking completely that way you will know if he truly means what he is saying or if he is striging you along if he continues to have a drink problem then you would be better of staying away as hard as it may seem it will get easier in time then you will be able to find someone who is willing to give you the respect that you deserve
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 I think dirtball makes an excellent point.
You have only been on this "break" for TWO WEEKS. That is NO time at all - especially if he really wants to change because he wants to do it for himself, and NOT because he wants you to take him back!
More time will do diddly squat if he is just marking time until you permit him to move back in with you, you know.
He is an alcoholic. Getting totally drunk "only" 2 or three times a week is no small matter.
Is he attending AA meetings on a regular basis, do you know?
If he is not, then he's probably not serious about wanting to stop drinking.
Don't be in any rush to let him move back in with you just yet. He has to PROVE he has changed FOR HIMSELF and NOT because he wants back in.
Be warned!
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 July 2010):
 For me, a break = a break up. The minute the break starts, the relationship is forever over. That's me.
A word of caution. You say he's making changes. That's good. The question comes in what the motivation for those changes are. If he's motived to change for anyone other than himself, those changes will very likely be temporary. We only ever truely change if WE really want to, and that can be a very difficult road to travel.
A story: A good friend of mine had been on and off with her boyfriend for a number of years. Her BF had a problem with cocaine. One day she came home to find him performing felatio for drugs. She was devistated, and kicked him out immediately. He realized that he needed to change and went into rehab. After doing his time in rehab, she took him back. Things were great for a few months, then he was back to his old ways. She left again, and he went back into rehab. He spent longer in there this time, and when he got out she got back with him. Things were great. They got married, had a baby, were working good jobs, living the dream. Guess what happened. 9 months after their baby was born, he started using again. So far, she's stuck to her guns. She got a divorce, and is now raising their daughter without him. He gets supervised visits only now.
The moral of this story is that he was trying to change for her. Cocaine addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to break. If you don't really want to do it for yourself, you won't. Is cocaine the same as alcohol? No. But I joined a gym because of someone else, and guess what, i never go.
Good luck, but I'm very skeptical when it comes to people changing. It is much harder than most people think. Many changes end up being temporary at best.
...............................
|
