A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We are very happy together. The problem is he has a bad home life to the point that he had to leave and move in with a friend. Now that hes at his friends house new problems have arrived because his friend is jealous that he is dating me because I am his friends ex girlfriend. Needless to say, he really needs a place to go. If he goes back home he will not be able to get a job and move out on his own because his parents will not allow it. They told him he has to go to college and not work. He also will not be able to see me if he goes back home because his family doesn't want us to be together. If he stays at his friends too much longer conflict will arise between him and his friend because it's almost happened several times already. My parents are not too fond of him because he doesn't have a job. They don't understand that his parents would not let him as long as he was living under their roof. He has some money saved up so far that he could give my parents for rent for maybe a month or so just until he gets on his feet. I am planning on moving out as well here in about two months so he wouldn't have to be here much longer anyways, because we're going to live together then. I need suggestions on what I could or what he could possibly say to convince them to let him stay here for a month or two if that. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Something doesn't sound right here at all. Are you really trying to tell us the only two places your boyfriend could live besides your house, are his parents place and one friend?
That both of those places are no longer available for perfectly "reasonable" reasons? That his parents are kicking him out and he "might" have conflict with his friend?
Bullshit I say.
You say he had a bad home situation and he's already predicting a bad situation at his friends place, what makes you think him living with your parents is a good idea if his own parents don't even want him living with them, if the only other place he could go is a friends place and that friend doesn't want him staying there either. That's the thing though OP, you said he doesn't want to move back home because they won't let him get a job. You also say he's nearly had conflict with this friend already. It sounds to me he'd rather just run away from problems than face them, those situations can be resolved.
Yeah he sounds very stable indeed, conflict with his parents and his only other friend. You can look forward to some of the same when you move in with him. Your parents don't like him either, for another reason. Surprize, surprize what a coincidence so altogether that's 3 places he's not welcome. That is some coincidence, this guy is REALLY unlucky right? That must be it, it couldn't be him I mean there's no way he could have any hand in the reasons behind these really serendipitous events.
He's an adult and he needs to grow up and resolve these issues on his own OP. He needs to reconcile with his parents or he needs to create the conditions where he can stay with his friend in peace. Instead he's trying to get his girlfriend to pick up the slack. What makes you think that he's actually capable of being responsible or that living together is a good idea?
Something smells rotten about this to me. I could be wrong but there's a strong smell of rebellious irresponsible teen off this.
A
female
reader, tamtam  +, writes (17 December 2010):
question.. it doesn't really seem like either of you have the financial stability (I may be wrong) so how are you going to support yourself and each other if you're moving out in like two months...?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 I see you are young and at your age you are entitled to some selfishness,but this maybe is a bit too much. If he goes home his parents are willing to pay for his education and invest in his future , and you want to deprive him of this chance ? Think long term. Maybe in four years you could regret it.
Anyway, if he does not go back home, in two months you are going to live together. It's really not worth it to have to incommodate and irk your parents in the meantime. Surely he can be on his best behaviour at his friends' house, and keep a low profile and make sure that no conflicts arise for just two months.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 December 2010):
 All I see is that you two need to stop seeing each other for a month or two until he is on his feet and on his own. Surely if your love is so strong you can make the sacrifice so that he has a place to stay with his friend/your ex until he can move out on his own. It seems pretty simple to me. Just go on a break, he can stay with your ex/his friend during that time.
Now, that being said, I think your boyfriend's parents have a point. If they are willing to pay for college, hm, well, maybe that would be the best thing for your boyfriend in the longterm. I think people with college degrees wind up more financially secure in the long run (though with this economy I can't say that's the case anymore). I would think if you love your boyfriend, you would want what is best for him, for his future.
It sounds to me as though you two are creating a lot of drama, if his parents don't want you two to date, his friend doesn't want you to date, and your parents don't like him much either. If there's that level of drama, I would think the smart way to handle that is to lower the drama, and remove the objectionable item--which appears almost unanimously to be your relationship--from the situation for the time being. I know military families who have been parted for long periods of time, surely you should be able to manage two months? It's only 8 weeks. Eight weekends. Not really that long in the scheme of things.
I think you need to look beyond the next two months and think about what is best for both of you. It may involve some sacrifice on both your parts but if you two are serious about each other then it won't be so awful to be apart for two months.
Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 I had to read this twice. Your boyfriend's parents have said if he wants to live at their house, and be supported by them he needs to go to college.
Your boyfriend's friend, who he moved in with, has, all of a sudden, become jealous of him because the friend used to be your boyfriend. I don't understand why the jealousy didn't raise it's ugly head until AFTER he moved in, but there ya go.
Your parents don't want to give him a home etc etc because he currently has no means of support.
My opinion is that if he doesnt want to go back to his parents he just has to stay at his friends house, or use his savings to house and keep himself while he finds a job.
I dont have any hints or tips on how you can convince your parents to take him under their roof, I cant see any benefits in it to them, or you either for that matter.
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