A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi there im 16 and im gunna have sex with my boyfriend at the weekend, im a virgin and have only ever kissed a guy before.i dont know what to do nd hes really experienced and knows alot bout sex and positions but i know nothing whatso ever, what am i gunna do i want to have sex but i dont know what to do at all? please help i dont know how it will feel or how were gunna do it!what shall i do???please help xXxXxXmy question is what moves steps should i tke for it o lead us on to full on sex am i ment to give him a blow job or something?
View related questions:
blow-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 I think all that any of us can say at this point is have a good, safe, happy, and fulfilling weekend. And may you have wonderful memories of this special event throughout the rest of your life. All of us wish that for you, no matter whether we think you are making the right choice in this matter or not. We truly do.
Take care.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 Also I provided advice that I thought was appropriate... the original poster is going to have sex, no matter what. Having sex with a condom is definitely the lesser of two evils. Your health is more important than momentary pleasure when all's said and done.
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (22 August 2008):
Using protection, birth control... or self-control does NOT make you a loser. The only reason to have sex is because it feels good... for fifteen minutes. The consequences can last a lifetime, and they are severe.
I'm a high school teacher, and I see girls every day, who made bad decisions, became pregnant, and now have to deal with the consequences. They probably had the mentality that "it feels good now, I'll deal with the consequences later." The aunts here on the site are not all losers, they are telling you not to have sex because they want to spare you the pain and suffering of making a bad decision. The world is full of young people who have made bad choices, and some of those choices can haunt you like a ghost for the rest of your life. Are you ready for the possible heartache if you guys should have sex, you guys break up, and you've given up something special and wish and wished you'd saved it for "the one?" Are you ready for pregnancy, and the responsibility of raising a child?
I would not say that all teenagers are rude and condescending but I don't appreciate being called a loser. But, I do have some rude students and I have been called worse, and I see it as a reflection on the person. I was a teenager once, and I know what it's like to have raging hormones and sexual desires screaming for release. I'm not saying I'm a better person morally but I had the willpower to say "no, not yet." You know what the right thing to do is, and I think that you aren't listening to your conscience but to temptation. And if you give in to temptation, then what to come can be heartbreaking. I think that you know what's right, and that is all that matters, choosing betwen right and wrong. It's as simple as that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Hi ChiRaven,
You are totally right about me (personally) not providing advice, but I refuse to tell underage children how to have sex, besides, I saw that you and others have given several tips that should have satisfied.
As I am in the UK, (like the poster) I know that sex education should be available for teenagers at school, the fact that this young lady hadn't been given any did concern me and led me to question her age. As she has stated herself, she knows about the brook advisory service and she knows that they give advice on sex. If she had explained her situation clearly and there was not a problem with her age (technical fault) then I would have given out better advice to deal with first time sex.
Luckily on this board, there is advice from different people who come at things from all different points of view. This young lady has been given all the advice she needs, and as I said, if she searches the board, she will see more young people who have reached the age of consent getting advice from me. I wouldn't have responded again, apart to reply to you. This matter is closed for me, unfortunately in choosing to insult me, this lady has insulted every single person that has given her advice, and I think she will get ton's of responses and they may not be as kind as you have been. Blessings.
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (22 August 2008):
Let me add that first, you were the one who asked for help, and second, all we know about you is what you yourself chose to tell us. We gave the best advice we could based on the information given.
Speaking for myself, I think that a lot of my fellow advice givers did ignore your question completely. You asked for advice about moves, and they just told you not to. I also asked you to take a close look at whether you were sure you wanted to do the deed, but also gave you what I thought were a few helpful (I hope) suggestions about getting around the act itself. At least they've been working for me since about the time your grandmother lost her virginity. (And yes, I WAS using them when I was 17 too.)
This really isn't a "how to" site for really explicit sex advice. If you need to know more about sex positions and such, try places like wikipedia. Or pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra ... as you know that's been a very popular guide for centuries ... hey, maybe since some of us were even your age! And dinosaurs roamed the earth.
But please don't fault us for not knowing you. All we know is what you'll let us know. If there is something more you think we should know, by all means please tell us. The more we know the better we can help you with your questions.
And, sincerely, good luck with whatever you choose to do. I hope you'll follow some of the advice here and take the time when you do get it on with him to make it really special, not just some frantic coupling. I think it's something you'll want to savor and remember fondly throughout your entire life. But hey ... it IS *YOUR* life!
...............................
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Original Poster:
This is a website where people with real problems can come here and seek real help when they need it the most. A lot of them are so grateful they got an answer to their problems that could help them get through it. Many times, these answers change these people radically, and depending on whether or not they follow the advise and their situation, their problem may diminish or go away completely.
It's the satisfaction of knowing that you helped someone that makes a lot of us Agony Aunts to keep on coming back. At least we're not wasting our time on myspace/facebook or youtube talking or whining about crap that nobody cares about. We come here because we want to help, and in the process, we don't waste time as our time was invested for someone who needed it and got helped. It's a good investment, per say.
Now, the big irony is that you come and say the most tired comeback in the word "You don't know me, and you're a loser!", and then say we're pathetic for even wanting to help you. Please, you can't tell someone on the internet that they have no life when you yourself are useing the same thing to say that to other people! Makes you look like the biggest hypocrite, and don't forget highly immature.
So if you were just going to do your own thing, why even come here in the first place? Yes, what we tell you are just advises and you're the one who's going to decide whether you follow them or not, but it's incredibly rude and ungrateful for you to say that we don't know any better than you and not even say thanks for us at least for trying.
So, I'm going to speak for the other aunties, and say that we're sorry for even wanting to help you about making a wise decision, but I even feel more sorry for you for being the stupid kid you are, and I hope that whatever decide to do won't fuck you up that bad. You're lucky you have the boyfriend you have, but don't count yourself that lucky, he might as well leave you for your own immatureness.
...............................
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (21 August 2008):
Man, DiovanLestat, I couldn't have put it myself any better.
I'm quiet irritated, but not angry. This girl made a lot of people waste their time. People here sincerely wanted to help.
Original Poster:
IF had at least said thanks gracefully and said you were going to think about all of this, you probably wouldn't have sounded like the immature little prick you showed yourself to be. You just showed to be like every teenager nowadays: Stupid, immature, and think they know better than others.
Also, you use punctiation to make yourself better understood to other people who read about your problems. Run-on sentences and bad spelling just makes it so much harder to help. Yeah, this is not an essay, but bad writting just shows your level of intelligence.
(sorry to those who have dyslexia and other related deseases, you're the exemption)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou know what you know nothing about me and your the sad loser sat at your computer reading peoples problems you the sad freakkk in all of this not me!!!
i asked for a little advice not an essay full of crap anyway my boyf is coming round later so we can discuss it then n maybe it'll progress further
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): Thanks for the update, so your situation is different. Ok, lets try this again. You present as aged 16 (overage) and currently living in the UK, your boyfriend is 16 (overage) and has worked at the Brook Advisory Centre and so has a lot of information about how to have safe and pleasurable sex. You have only ever kissed a guy, but now you plan to have full penetrative sex. It dosen't matter what we say, you know it all already, and although you don't know what to do, you know that you are clever than us and need no further information. You are not sure how to lead up to sex, you have an idea that you should give him a BJ and then get on with it, but you are really not sure.
Tisha has provided you ton's of links, but I doubt that you have read them. You don't think that it is important to write clearly and you held back information from us because you didn't think it was anyone business. I am now very angry with you, I wonder why I'm wasting my time. This is a bloody free service, we try to help people out and there is no fee. You could at least have shown some acknowledgement that we tried to help, instead of sulking like a little girl. That's why we don't think your old enough, because your emotionally and intellectually immature and very rude as well.
Your boyfriend on the other hand sounds like a great guy, he is very clever and he has prepared himself well. He is ready to have sex, he is ready to please a girl and he has been intelligent enough to get advice and learn all he can.
I don't have to help you, and I won't untill you apologise. Go and ask your dead grandparents for help, go and ask your boyfriend for help, or use your tiny brain to search on the boards and find out what sex is like for people who are virgins. GO AWAY LITTLE GIRL, I DON'T LIKE YOU, AND I DON'T CARE.... There is ton's of advice out there, when you learn to ask properly then maybe somebody will take the time to help you out because it won't be me. I don't like your attitude. Why don't you phone up the brook and ask for their advice, they are paid to help, I am not... (Diovanlestat storms off...)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi there, well first of all has any one heard of a place called brook yeah you know where you learn all sorts of stuff!!!
yeah well my bf has volunteered there since he was 15 just over a year now. and as for my punctuation, why am i gunna use punctuation for god sakes, this aint an essay.
back to the stuff about brook there a company that speclise with schools across the u.k. in sex education where you learn loadsa stuff about positions and diseases thats how y bf knows loadsa stuff. he watches summat called kama sutra too so i guess that should be a big hit with people now a days!!
and as for the age input 13-15 i dont know why it says that because put my d.o.b down as 27-03-92...
(my d.o.b.)........
anyway forget it im gunna do it and wont lsiten to any of use lot id get beeter advice from my dead grandparents!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 August 2008):
 If you've only ever kissed a boy, I sincerely doubt that losing your virginity this weekend is a good idea. You have some studying to do to be ready. I also have to tell you that teenage boys don't really know as much about sex as they think they do. And if he has been your boyfriend since you were both 11, where did he gain his knowledge and experience?
I'd like for you to read this article written by an aunt here.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-really-ready-for-sex--.html
Just have a think about why it is that it has to be this weekend, when you have so much time ahead of you. There's a reason all of us aunts are getting a bit loud about suggesting that you might not be ready; we have an assortment of people who have a lot of life experience and who have seen lots of questions from girls who have gotten pregnant at your age. We're not telling you to wait and think about it a little more to be mean to you; we sincerely think that you deserve the best that life can give you.
Please also read these questions from others in your age range.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-told-my-mates-wed-had-sex-now.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-pregnant-at-16-and-my-boyfriend.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-16-and-pregnant-how-do-i-tell.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-16-year-old-best-friend-is-pregnant.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-16-and-im-pregnant-by-a-13.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-8-months-pregnant-and-16-yrs-old.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-15-and-might-be-pregnant.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-scared-im-pregnant.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/help-me-please-im-pregnant-and-sooo-scared.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-im-pregnant-what-should-i-do.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-im-pregnant-but-boyfriend-wants-nothing.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-scared-my-gf-could-be-pregnant-at.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-13-and-scared-that-i-might-be.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-im-pregnant-do-i-keep-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-15-and-pregnant-what-shall--do.html
...............................
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (21 August 2008):
I agree with DiovanLestat here.
If you say you've been with him since you were 11, then why is he so experienced? I smell a lie here.
And I also agree that by this age, you should have learned how to punctiate and write correctly. Capitalization does not make your words any more true.
But I'll answer this anyways. The best position to start sex is by spreading your legs, point your finger to your vagina and explaim "Insert here"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): You present as aged 13-15 (underage) and currently living in the UK. You claim to be 16, (overage) but this is very hard to believe. By the age of 16, you should have learnt some punctuation and spelling at school, you should have also taken, or be preparing to take your exams. You should have also been given some sex education and you should have enough knowledge about your body and the sexual act. You are not ready yet, you are no way old enough. You will make a big mistake if you go and have sex. Please listen to the aunts and uncles who have already given you advice.
If you decide to ignore us and think that you know better. Then please use a condom to protect against pregnancy and sexual diseases because you have no idea what you might catch of your boyfriend who has more experience than you.
I'm sorry I don't believe that you are old enough. If your a virgin, but you've been with him since you were 11, how come he is not a virgin too. Where did he get his experience from. DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY, IT will ALL GO WRONG...
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 August 2008):
 The best "position" for you to assume is, "No, not yet."
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (21 August 2008):
This is a really big step. The first thing is, take a reality check here. WHY are you doing this? Are you being talked into it? Is it something you really deeply want? How are you going to feel about yourself afterwards? Think about that very carefully. It's not something you can "undo" later.
Then think about the circumstances ... when and where is this going to happen. If you're going to have a good first experience, it shouldn't be something that is rushed in some cramped space somewhere. You should be able to take your time, and have a lot of time and space alone together.
You also didn't say how long you and this guy have been together. If it hasn't been at least a year, you probably are not really ready to take this step. You need to get to know him well enough to know that he will be there to provide you with the emotional support that you will need afterwards. Your first time will be very special for you. He should be somebody who understands that and who will support you and be there before before, during, and after the event.
You seem very focussed on the physical aspects of the event. Try putting some attention on the emotional part of it too, though. You'll need it. Neither one of you is just a sex doll. You're both living, breathing, feeling human beings. And both of you deserve to be treated that way. Especially you on your first time.
As far as the physical end of things go, one thing you should make really clear up front is that the two of you must agree to communicate to one another during the whole event. Face it ... neither one of you is a mind reader. This whole thing will go a whole lot better if you agree in advance that either of you can say how things are going for you and let the other person know if there are any problems with what is going on, and that the other person will respond positively to that. That's another reason to have your first experience with someone with whom you have already established a firm relationship ... someone you've been involved with for a year or more. You'll feel a whole lot more comfortable with that kind of communication on a intimate level with someone you know really well.
Mechanically, it's a LOT better if you take your time. Yes, you can do the whole thing in just a couple of minutes. But WHY? Spend time just kissing and touching and feeling. Get to know one another very intimately, very slowly. Touch him anywhere ... not just there! And the other way around, too. That's why you need a nice long time and plenty of room. You'd be surprised how turned on you can really be by something as simple as him just kissing the backs of your knees, for example. Not something you'd normally think of off the top of your head, but if you're really taking your time and getting to know one another's bodies, it's a great thing to do. And LOTS of other things like that. Drive one another wild with desire and THEN get down to cases with the stuff that you thought you should be going for right off the bat. Hey, that's stuff's the DESSERT! The frosting! Take your time first. You'll love it.
And you're worth waiting for. Worth taking time with. If he doesn't agree, then he's not the guy for you.
When you finally do get around to the main event, be sure he takes things very, very slowly and carefully. You might want to have some artificial lubricant handy in case it's needed (water-based lubricant is best). Don't be shy about letting him know that he needs to back off and take things more slowly, if that's what you need. That's where that communications agreement comes in handy. At each stage, give your body time to adjust and feel comfortable before you go on any further. And as I say, take it slow. Slow and easy. You'll know (and be ready to tell him) when it's time to go faster.
And good luck. I hope you have a wonderful time, whenever it happens. It's event you will never forget. Make it memorable.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI THERE THE PERSON UNDERNEATH THIS IS TO YOUR QUESTION..
YES IM VERY SURE I WANT TO DO THIS I'VE BEEN WITH THIS GUYS INCE WE WERE 11 AND I THINK I DO WANT O SHARE THE RESTOF MY LIFE WITH HIM.....HES THE GUY I WANT TO DO IT WITH
...............................
A
female
reader, ponylover +, writes (20 August 2008):
if he sord of jesters u 2 give him a blow job then go for it but make sure he does not have any stds before u evan have sex with him and for having sex with him just go with the flow if hes a nice guy u can tell him ur a virgin and he will help u out a little but once u get the hang of it ull no wat 2 do!
trust me i have a lot of experiance!
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (20 August 2008):
I think that you should give careful thought to this. I don't mean to judge you but sex isn't something that you should rush into. I understand that you're at that age when the hormones and sexual desires are screaming to be released. it could be that you THINK you're ready, but you may have sex, and look back and regret it terribly. Are you really ready to deal with the possible consequences? Is your boyfriend pressuring you? Are you sure that he's the person you're going to spend your life with? I'm not preaching, just trying to point out that there are consequences to having sex. You have your whole life to be sexually active, and having sex isn't worth getting hurt, either physically or emotionally. If you decide to have sex please talk to a nurse or dr. about contraception, and birth control and how to use a condom properly. Of course being abstinent is the best thing you can do, but using a condom is definitely much better than having unprotected sex.
I know that this isn't the answer you want, but it's important to realize this.
Ciao
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): if all you ever done is kissed a guy are you sure your ready to have sex ?
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura-x +, writes (20 August 2008):
He will probably take the lead if he is experienced. It will get you in the mood more if you do foreplay such as a blow job or a hand job. It may hurt at first when he breaks you in but it doesn't last long, make sure he is gentle and after the first few times you will get the hang of it and you will feel more comfortable and you can try out more such as new positions etc. x
...............................
|
