A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If you were, let's say, making 60k a year, would you date someone who is making 15k? If you had a college education, would you date someone without one? What about you, women? How would you feel if your man was 'inferior' to you in both money and career? Does money and career really matter in establishing a life-long happy marriage?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 It's funny my (younger) XH always felt INFERIOR to me (and ashamed of himself) because of my job and income vs his job and his income and my current (even YOUNGER) partner is so damn proud of it that he BRAGS to everyone that he had to relocate and potentially give up HIS JOB to move to be with me because:a. I had a good secure government jobAndB. I make about 24k more than he currently does.BFD... why is what I earn vs. what HE earns the issue??WE earn X together... and live a very nice life on X together... Yes I make enough to support both of us if we cut back on the travel and the jewelry and the expensive toys.... and I have given him the option of being a “house husband” to reduce the stress on him (his job is way more demanding emotionally and mentally than mine is)So what I'm seeing from you is JUDGEMENT. You are placing judgment on issues that should be non-judgmental.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 Don't understand the term inferior when it comes to money. I reckon all the guys I've dated earned less than me. But then life changed for them and they ended up making more than me. Didn't matter one bit, I like to share and I like guys who share. I can be happy with nothing in the pot and if "we" have more, then usually we save it. Some of my best memories are of being poor, happy and in love. I'm keen on saving money, living cheap and not making money dictate my life or relationships. I notice that some people always want more, no matter how much they have. I'm not keen on living my life like that.If your interested in a woman who likes money, then get a second job, get educated and go for promotion.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 The first "problem" I have with the question as it is worded lies in your saying that a man who does not make as much money as a woman, or who doesn't have her college degrees, is "inferior". You know, where I live, the exact reverse argument used to be used against women. Women used to have less access to money and education, so they were "inferior". You're not inferior to anyone else just because you don't have their education or their money. Period.
Then you ask a question that can receive many valid answers. "Does money and career really matter in establishing a life-long happy marriage?" If I said "yes", that would be a valid answer; and if I said "no", that would be a valid answer as well.
I have the feeling that you should have written your post this way: "Woman A makes 60K and has a college degree; I make 15K and have no college degree. Will she still love me?" And the answer will still be "it depends".
I will bring lots of criticism upon me. Women don't (or didn't) usually date or marry down. You know, in years gone (or not), men provided for women, so women did have to be careful that Mr. Right was not also Mr. Poor. So, yes, you had to prove you were a good provider before Ms. Cavewoman accepted your hitting her with your stick and dragging her to the cave by her hair. There are remnants of that behavior out there, so, yes, if you make less money or don't have the same education as your woman, some women will care.
But I would also suspect that your lady would be past that if she's dating you. I think it's more your being insecure. Your feeling "inferior".
If she wants a piece of you, she wants the whole package (pun intended). Let her decide whether she wants you or not. Just don't let anyone with more education or money boss you around.
That said, I wouldn't recommend you to set your eyes on, say, the princess of Sweden. A prudent mans looks before he leaps.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 December 2011):
Personally it would only matter to me if it meant we would be on the same wavelength mentally. If going with someone far below my pay grade (which btw is pretty much impossible right now as I don't earn much as a student) means that he is far less educated to the point that we can't have a decent discussion once in a while, I would matter. I need someone to connect with.
That said these days even the smartest people get stuck working shitty jobs so it would not be fair of me to judge based on that. In the end it is all about the 'click', not money. It's a bonus, of course, but not a requirement.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (7 December 2011):
 as the beatles sang (money cant buy me love ) . if you put the cash flow above a person that might be the one for you, you may look back with regrets. if you are working and would like to better your self & (not a dead beat)what is wrong with that. so she is making more than you. don't let money get in the way of happiness and a life together. when my wife and me first got married she was getting more hours and bringing home more pay than i was. i worked at bettering my self to help our life out together in our marriage . a short answer to your question -- does money and carrier matter in establishing a life long happy marriage. ( NO as long as the bills are getting paid and both husband and wife are happy , that's the main thing .
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 You have to keep in mind the trying times of the US and other countries. These days a job is a job.
If he makes 15k and I make 60k, so what? At least we have a roof over our head, food, vehicles, water, heat, clothing, and the bills paid. My DH doesn't have a college degree and I'm retuning to school to start mine (changed career path due to economy).
The dating standards of people sticking with those who have college degrees and making a decent wage are over. There are so many college graduates, and even grad school graduates who can't get a job, much less use their degree. Talk about a waste of money. Nowadays, you take what you can get.
I don't mean settle for less than what you want, if a college degree and a respectable career are important factors in finding a SO then go for it. But you're going to be looking long and hard. IMO, they're not important due to the reality of the trying times we're living in.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Both genders are generally happier when the man makes more money than the woman.
This does not match political correctness in 2011. But marital research data does not care about being PC.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I have a four-year degree from a well-known university and work in a "blue-collar" field by choice. I have dated men who barely graduated high school and men with master's degrees, with incomes spanning a similar gamut. None of these relationships began or ended because of money. I describe my own experiences to illustrate that it isn't black and white - a person is far more than where they graduated and what their paycheck reads.
My answer to you, OP, is this: not if both parties are on the same page about the gap in education/income. Not all smart people got that way through years of continuing education, and not everyone is high maintenance enough to consider wealth a true measure of success or of happiness. If you can be an interesting and intelligent person without college, and a happy person without being rich, why make either of those criteria a must-have trait in a prospective partner? It's only when there IS a gap in one of these areas and one or both parties comes to resent it that problems arise.
If your partner is working and does not EXPECT or DEMAND you to support him or her, I don't see the problem. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I love your choice of words.... i.e. "inferior."
IF you want to quantify your love and emotional life, then you are on the right track...
IF you want to find a delightful girl who might be the best partner you could ever find.... you'll forget that you ever wrote this, and will focus on what your prospective partner has in her HEART!!!!!
Money and career are 'way overrated (in fact, they don't belong in the mix) when you are choosing a partner.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2011):
I was making 81k and married to a man making 24k and we survived nicely. I have a college degree and he dropped out of school in 9th grade. These were NOT the things that killed our relationship... what killed it was his self-hatred of himself for these things....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Self reliance is something a Man and Woman should work for. As health, economy, and other circumstances may require both working to provide immediate needs. This way if one partner falls ill, the other can bring in income to meet needs.
I will say 15K a year will not do that but, if partners agree that they will be alright with such an imbalance in earnings, so be it.
Even if a woman marries a man, she should work and earn money and have a savings. A man can walk out anytime, so at least she will have financial security.
The problems that arise is when the couple start saying My Money, Your Money, whereas it should be OUR Money and all financial decisions should be made together. Each party should have EQUAL montly spending money, after bills and savings have been put aside.
This maintains harmony, unity, and less misunderstandings and fights.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 To be honest, I believe that everyone should learn how to live there life independently and not rely on anybody else for money. At the end of the day, someone who has a big house, a big career and a big bank account does not mean that they are better than someone who is struggling to make ends meet. I think love for a person should be based on how you feel and not how much money they have. Personality plays a huge part for me and I do not think a person should be judged by a potential partner over if they are good enough for them or not. Humans are all equals and nobody has the right to say, he or she is not good enough for me because they do not earn the same amount as me. That is saying the wealthy are more important than the poor, and that is just not the case at all.
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