A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How easy it is for some men to cheat? Do you think my man cheated on me based on this:*He's had sex with approx. 30 girls that I know about...*They are all types of faces and bodies and most of them he says he considers them ugly. (Maybe he lies to make me feel better but I certainly know they don't seem good looking to me, and he also didn't care about their body shape, he doesn't have high standards for sex but mostly looks at the body rather than the face)*He was a heavy recreational drug user , whenever he got high or wasted he would fuck random chicks in the past and now he's been drinking with his colleagues after work*I've seem him kiss girls(in the past) at parties whose name he don't know or he just met them. *He's had sex in the past with various friends of mine :( (not close friends)*He got a herpes positive exam but the virus is dormant*We have 2 kids, one is mine and ours is a newborn*He doesn't use condoms with me but his penis had a condom smell and taste the other night he came late from work*He always tells me I'm the most beautiful girl he will ever get.*He loves kissing I've seen him kiss an ugly girl to get back at me for not leaving my boyfriend for him*When we started I had a long term relationship with one of his closest friends we lived together the 3 of us and I cheated on my ex man with him*He tells me I'm too good for him*He's got a super high sex drive (needs sex daily) *He's 24*His mom was promiscuous*He always tell me his dad cheated on his mom with ugly women*We've been together for 1 year Why do some men like to cheat with women that are less good looking than their spouse?I take care of my looks and I am pretty overall but I know he can be f^^^ing just about anyone.Why?? What can I do ?I really need advice on : do you think a relationship with this lack of trust will ever work? I am a jealous person but only if I get valid reasons and I've seen some red flags , I would like to move on but I love him so much and I don't wanna give up or lose our family or lose him to other girl, that would just kill me because I would be super jealous even though I know I can do better and find a man who's not been a man whore...(if they even exist?) but what about the kids!? It also makes me think I will have to be alone with my 2 kids which is exhausting; I am also scared to leave for stupid reasons or not being mature enough to leave his past behind , it's just that his past is what makes him what he is today and his past is promiscuous. And now he's been coming home later. I lost my job and now I only take care of kids. The only person who makes me happy is him but I don't wanna be fooled . My terapist says most of men cheat on their wifes and I should not freak out and just let it slip ; don't take it so hard since men cheat just for sex and with random chicks and it's nothing to do with their significant other , that it's just fun or pressure from other guys (which makes me heattbroken). And that I ignore what he's been up to until I get some solid evidence. Any advice will be appreciated with all my heart!
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cheated on me, condom, herpes, jealous, kissing, move on, my ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 What a great therapist you have their. Obviously not very professional or doing their jobs right. I hate how all man haters come out in these posts. Never judge everyone the same.
Look I don't know if your boyfriend has cheated. I read your other post as well. But look this relationship is not going to work. You don't trust him. When he comes in home from drinking you smell his penis. You feel it is okay to judge all men and think they are all cheaters. You think it is okay to call women ugly just because they look different to you. I don't think a body type is ugly. Ugly to me is judgmental people like you who comment on peoples looks and pasts. You both will never work out so your as well just leaving him and being a good mother to your children and finding someone who you CAN trust.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017): Youve got a brand new baby and you brush over this as though it were a rug.A brand new baby is the start of a brand new life and not necessarily the time to make huge lists on why its time to boot daddy out of the new childs life!You may not have picked a keeper but now is not the time to randomly through his past in his face.He can trust you no more than you can trust him and baby can trust neither of you because you only value each other for sex!If you smelled condom on him then maybe he had condom sex!But you wont get to proove it by speculating.Possibly you have always been the third wheel in this relationship because he may have a previous partner he visits for condom only sex!In this case who is cheating on who?But if he is the stud I am assuming him to be he will be getting you pregnant again soon, because thats the only way to keep you to himself in his eyes!He knows you also cheated on your ex!So to break this stressful pattern you should value yourself in a different way, not as a sex, object.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): It is very easy for men to cheat!WHY?Because they are hunters.It is a shame but all women's days are numbered when they are with a guy in a relationship. The longer you are with them, the worse it is for you. Because that means every day that passes he will grow more and more tired of you and your body. He will crave a new vagina and dream of all the things he can do to a new woman and all the things she can do to him. It is all brand new and exciting when you have become same old, same old.It is sad but true.You can only do so much to please your man sexually before he has had his FILL and is off in search of his next, new and exotic meal.That is why it is always best to never fall in love.Every shiny new toy will get tossed and discarded for the next shiny new toy. Just the way it is with men.And once they have unwrapped you, they know exactly what to expect. Always a new present around the corner to unwrap. Especially in today's modern world of technology. There is an APP for cheating any time you want it. Ordering a woman or a quick fuck is just as easy as ordering a pizza. Online cybersex with random women. It is all there. So easily accessible.So, never get too comfortable with any guy. Deep down, they are all programmed to cheat on women. That includes you and that includes me. It does not matter how beautiful we are, how amazing in bed. They just do it.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (14 March 2017):
Firstly, YOU are in a much better position to answer your question than any stranger on the internet because you know him personally. We can only guess and we may be totally wrong.
How easy is it for a guy to cheat? Very easy if he wants to but I totally disagree with your therapist that "most men cheat". (And if he/she has said that then they are probably a very poor therapist or you've completely misconstrued what they actually said)
But, I must say your boyfriend sounds totally bad news from what you describe and does have the characteristics of a potential cheat.
Not because of his previous promiscuity (having had several partners in the past as a singleton doesn't mean that someone can't be faithful in a relationship) but because he is a total misogynist. He has a very low opinion of women and simply sees them as objects to satisfy his needs.
He persistently demeans women - calls them ugly etc. He even demeans his own mother and if he thinks that about his mother he probably thinks it about ALL women (including you). He uses women to get back at you - he sees them as objects not women.
He's also got a substance abuse problem (whether it's drugs or alcohol). Drugs and alcohol lower inhibitions so he may well be more inclined to cheat if he's that kind of guy. Drug and alcohol use can make people very selfish too and very inconsiderate of other people's feelings. I doubt he really considers yours.
Can relationships without trust ever work? No, not really. They might last a long time but they're never satisfactory or good relationships. Unless you catch your guy in the act, you'll never be able to definitively prove that he was cheating - just about all other evidence can be "explained away" by a good liar. On the other hand, he will never be able to "prove" to you that he ISN'T cheating so you'll always be left wandering and speculating. Think about how you're feeling now - anxious, confused, sad, jealous. How long can you put up with feeling like this? 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10 years? Because, in a relationship without trust, these feelings will be present every day as long as the relationship lasts.
I personally couldn't and wouldn't stay in a relationship like this - but you need to make your own mind up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): Your therapist is an ^^^^^le! Your man is a serial cheater. He will never change, no matter what he may promise you. Figure out what you need to do to get away from him, for good.
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A
male
reader, MrBigShot110 +, writes (14 March 2017):
Honestly based on what you've said I don't think you should have started a relationship with this person. His "body count" is 30+! I'm not sure if you knew this beforehand or not but that alone would stop me from pursuing someone. If you two didn't have kids it'd be easier for me to say run away as fast as you can, but I'm not exactly sure how you should handle it since you do. You said "The only person that makes me happy is him." You've got to learn to make yourself happy. You'll be more self aware and more self confident and in turn won't settle for what you don't think you should. As a direct answer to your title question, it's because we are mostly concerned with sex in our early twenties. It's when we're in our sexual prime. That's not to say women don't matter at all past their bodies, it just means that most of the time sex is at the forefront of our thought process during the courting phase. Once we find out that the woman we're interested in is a quality woman on the inside, that's when things take a more serious turn. This is why looks are so important to us. That's what kicks things off, then we get to know you (unless the guy is a player, in which case you'll find that they don't call back after getting what they want). It seems like the guy you're with may value you to an extent considering you have an ongoing relationship and have had children together, but you don't have to put up with this. It's up to you to make it clear to him what you'll accept. He needs to learn to control his libido. I also read that you cheated on someone with this guy, which makes this a bit hypocritical. You could also answer this question by going over what made you cheat with him. How were you feeling?, etc.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): "How easy it is for some men to cheat?"Very."Do you think my man cheated on me based on . . ."No. Just because a guy's indiscriminately promiscuous when he's single doesn't necessarily mean he'll be unfaithful when he's in a relationship. On the other hand, he'd have legitimate reason to think you cheated on him based on your admitted past adultery. If I were him then I'd get a DNA test to be sure that the kid you're passing off as mine really is mine."Why do some men like to cheat with women that are less good looking than their spouse?"Because less good looking women give them something they aren't getting at home, like peace and quiet. "I take care of my looks and I am pretty overall but I know he can be f^^^ing just about anyone.Why?? What can I do ?"Because he can if he wants to. Nothing."do you think a relationship with this lack of trust will ever work?"No. "but what about the kids!?"They'll be stuck in a dysfunctional, toxic household no matter what happens."Any advice will be appreciated with all my heart!"Get rid of your man-hating therapist and find one who might actually be able to help you discover the self-awareness and insight you need to think rationally and make better decisions for you and your kids.
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