A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 years. We go to different colleges about 2 hours apart so the majority of our relationship has been distance, but we still see each other pretty frequently. He is an amazing guy and has proved to be genuine and trustworthy over the years.But, I made the mistake of snooping when he left his Facebook logged onto my computer the last time he visited. I know snooping is wrong and I feel guilty, but I couldn't resist. I found out that he has been "hiding" pictures on his Facebook timeline. It's only a handful of pictures, but it is all group pictures of nights out at his college with girls in them. I have met some of the girls before, others are strangers. I'm just not sure why he would hide these types of pictures from me if he isn't doing anything wrong. Any advice?
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 My guess is so that you don't start asking questions. If the photos are innocent then I doubt he has done anything wrong, but my guess is he doesn't want you to see pictures off him with other girls in case you are insecure? Are you the jealous type?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): The psychology behind the concept of not sharing is that people who are in relationships and have their partner keep things from them due to wanting not to hurt them .. really .. that their partner will jump to the wrong conclusion. .. if nothing is going on .. then why not share .. passive aggressive people will over react when called out on their behaviour, not only will feel they feel defensive and aggrieved but they will also feel resentful towards us and think, Ha! See, this is why I wasn’t honest in the first place and didn't tell him/her didn't share or say to them. Look at how they’ve reacted? They forget that the reactions are not about their belated honesty or being found out but about being jacked around and actually being lied to .I think the op has a genuine concern ...and to make out she in the wrong is really honestly not right . If they are more than friends then she has a right to transparency .So my advice op I would say you noticed his Facebook open and had a look on it .. and wondered why he hadn't shared those pics of stories of those nights with you and see what he says .. ask if he would like you to be cagey about what you get up to if he acts defensive . Maybe rethink your relationship and how much you give of yourself to this guy ..
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): I don't want to accuse you of anything, but are you the jealous type? Have you made comments about the presence of other girls in his life? If so, that would probably be the reason.If you aren't the jealous type, then maybe a previous girlfriend was very jealous and he's not got past hiding parts of his life so as not to cause trouble.As for you snooping, well now you know- snooping never brings up anything good! You can't ask him about the pictures as that will tell him you'd looked so you have to keep this to yourself. Problem is, something like this can play on your mind. Be careful not to overthink this!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 My feeling is that you are 'over thinking' this one and have jumped to conclusions that could be way off mark. Is there anything in his behaviour when you meet up that causes suspicion? If not, it might be that you are apart from him and imagining all sorts just based on a few pics on FB.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Did he actually "hide" them or did he just limit them to the people who were in them? There is a big difference. Some people (myself included) do not see the point in sharing photographs with the world.
If he hid them from YOU, then I would guess, given the sort of guy he is, he did not want to rub your nose in the fact that he was going out and having a good time when you were so far apart.
Either way, unless there is other stuff you are uncomfortable about, I would leave well alone and stop invading his privacy.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): "I'm just not sure why he would hide these types of pictures from me if he isn't doing anything wrong."He's been hiding the pictures because he assumes (correctly, it would appear) that if you saw him in a picture with girls in them then you'd suspect he's doing something wrong. If I were him, then I'd be annoyed that you'd be so eager to pounce on a chance snoop and so willing to think the worst of me after being I've been genuine and trustworthy, and I'd interpret the lame excuse that you "couldn't resist" as showing a blatant lack of respect for me and my right to privacy. He's in college. He has friends, some of them female. His friends have friends, some of them female. You can't reasonably expect him to have a social life on campus strictly in the company of males.He wants to capture memories of his good times in college to share and look back upon years from now. He rightly suspected that if he posted the pictures then you'd find a way to make an issue out of it, so he hid the pictures so he could enjoy them years from now while avoiding any unnecessary grief in the meantime.Too bad he can't enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that you've put yourself in the position of suspecting you can't trust him but if you confront him then he'll KNOW he can't trust you.
...............................
|
