A
female
age
36-40,
*lone n hurt
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me in Feb. At the time, I was five months pregnant with our second child. We have a 2 year old who will be three at the end of this year. We have had a rocky relationship. In the beginning things were great...we were the best of friends and i could talk to him about any and everything. Once i got pregnant, things changed and he pulled away from me. He said that I was clingy and that was a turn off for him, but I was pregnant. He left two different times. Once when my son was 4 weeks old and then again the following year. I always try to communicate with him but I have always felt like his friends were always so much more important to him than I was and I always felt like I had to compete.Last year we had a really bad break up and he moved out for a couple of months. He said that he was confused and wasnt in love with me but he loved me. We eventually got back together and I thought everything was fine. We still had our moments but I still hoped for the best. In Oct. I found out that I was pregnant. I became depressed but he assured me that things were going to be ok. In december I noticed that things changed drastically. He pulled away from me yet again and we were in the process of moving. When we moved his attitude changed drastically. We started having really silly arguments which would lead to him sleeping on the couch. Finally I confronted him and he blew up, this was in feb and he broke up with me...I tried to talk to him and there wasnt anything that I could say to change his mind. He agreed to stay with me until after I had the baby...We continued to sleep with each other and things seemed to have gotten better. I thought that over time he would change his mind but the day after mothers day I got a message saying that he needed more time after I had the baby...and if he could stay until he had enough to get his own apartment. that friday we got into a huge argument which again led to him sleeping on the couch...after a few days we made up and he and I continued to act like a couple but I noticed that he was making plans for the upcoming holidays and we (me and the kids) werent included in either of his plans. I brought this up to him and he asked how would it be done if he lived here...To make a long story short, on this day, following the questions that I asked him, he stated that he does not love me the way that I want him to love me. When we have sex it is just sex and that he has made up his mind and doesnt want to be with me any more. He said the reason is because we always argue and we don't get along but that is because he does not communicate with me. I feel left out...and I feel like I am always trying to compete for his affection or attention. its hard for me to deal and cope with. I am so hurt...he really treats me crappy and when we talk he talks to me like I annoy him...he doesnt like being around me and we are in the same house...he hates to talk about our relationship with me...he hates to talk about how I feel and he always makes it about him...so in a nut shell, how I feel doesnt matter. I don't understand what I did wrong to make him turn on me like this...How do you go from being caring and loving one day to completely hateful the next...Now I feel like he was just using me and that he probably never loved me. It really hurts and I am trying to deal with moving on...while also having a 2 year old and one on the way.
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female
reader, shanib  +, writes (2 July 2010):
hi, i read your sad account and felt id like to reply. I too have been in a bad relationship with my now ex. We have recently split after 6 yrs and 2 children. I know what it is like to be left pregnant and alone.With my first child it was like this, he didnt want to know me, i felt abandoned and completly depressed. The truth is it doesnt matter how long or how much you put up with these are selfish men who only care for themselves. My second child in this relationship is 2 now and over the last 2 yrs he has been born i too felt it didnt love me or care about me. I had to face the fact that i was probably right and that he just wanted to stay for there sake yet offered me nothing. Its a miserable life and makes you depressed and eats away at your confidence. Please dont suffer for a man who clearly isnt grownup enough. You are not alone. be strong for your kids and try to do what makes you happy.
A
female
reader, LottieCole  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Dear Alone n Hurt,
please do not go down the route of what did i do wrong. You and he have done nothing wrong, simply miscommunication has resulted in arguements rather then solutions. Firstly you need to sit him down and in an even tone of voice ask him where he sees this going, be prepared that he may say hurtful things. This is not said to intentionally hurt you, it is merely his feelings and he may say that he does not see a future with you and that the relationship has completely broken down beyond repair. In the same way you need to have your say and completely get everything off of your chest. The most important thing however is the children you share together, if there is no chance for you two to work it out, a system needs to be devised on child maintanance, time set aside that he can spend with the children which you are comfortable with. It is important for your childrens sake that your keep this communication open so that they have ample chances to know their father and for him to still be a part of their lives. I know this will be difficult for you and your hormones are all over the place and he needs to understand that what he perceives as clingy is not infact clingy but a surge of emotions. Rely upon your friends and family when you are having down days and when things get tough. But always remember you are a strong independant mother an no challenge is too great.
I wish you well and hope this has helped in some small way.
Lottie x
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