A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There was two women I met off of craigslist a couple years ago, we texted occasionally, maybe once every six months or so, never met up, etc. (I should say as well, that the two women I met off of craigslist also met each other.) So, I was preparing to go on a date with the first one, and I decided to ask the second one, about the first one. (and ultimately, decided not to go on the date with the first one) But occasionally I had texted etc, with the second one. (who has a girlfriend) We started to talk on the phone a little bit. Then it kinda began more frequent, and I was receiving voicemails from her telling me that a funny thing that happened today, etc. Then eventually we would text all day long, and talk on the phone for hours. She started telling me stuff like she felt we had a connection, etc. And she had expressed to me that she was having problems with her girlfriend. She consistently pushed me to meet up with her, I declined a few times, before I eventually said yes. (She did tell her girlfriend she was meeting up with me, I guess her girlfriend was angry with her) Maybe about a week later, we met up again, at the dog beach, she told me there that her girlfriend had forbidden her to see me, so she just didn't tell her that we were meeting up. We had met up a few times after that, our conversations starting turning to us(me and this woman), and being attracted to each other, talking about sex, etc. (We have never crossed any lines physically, I want to make that clear) We started spending more time with each other, even her girlfriend called while I was sitting in her truck, which she omitted some information, like the fact I was sitting in the truck with her. I had told her that I was having feelings for her, and that I wanted to distance myself from her, which she said she didn't want that. Regardless, I had made up my mind, and I was going to give it some space, when she had a family friend die, and reached out to me, for support, which I gave. (on the flipside, her girlfriend was not sympathic at all according to her) A few weeks later, she told me, that basically she had gotten into a huge fight with her girlfriend, and put everything on the table. And one of her conditions was she wanted to spend some time with me, and her girlfriend agreed. Actually, before that we were spending quite a bit of time together, but her girlfriend didn't know. And when we weren't together we were on the phone talking, or texting, etc. (But again, on the flipside, when her girlfriend was around, I didn't hear from her at all, she had said it was because her girlfriend would be the phone police, she said, asking who was calling or texting, and what each text or call was about. So, she said it was easier, to just not fight with her, etc.) She also starting telling me stuff, like when her phone would ring, and she saw it was me, it would make her smile, text messages, that she would text me, more than she texted her girlfriend. And she called me from work a couple times, where her boss, knew it wasn't her girlfriend she was talking to, because apparently, when she's talking to her girlfriend she's curt, and gets off the phone with her quickly. She told me stuff like she enjoys spending time with me, and enjoys talking to me. I talked with her, and asked her if she would be okay, with me dating, etc. (I started to notice her asking me, who was calling, what I was doing if I didn't answer her call, when I was talking to her, she would ask me, where I was going, etc.) She told me, she was okay, with me dating other people. Then she found out, I was going on a date, and she got very upset with me, basically, telling me to go on my date, but to never talk to her again. I cancelled the date, and we talked the next day, where I could tell she was still annoyed about everything. In the meantime, she was planning a camping trip with her girlfriend, where she had decided that either the two of them were going to fix their relationship or break up. When I talked to her, she had said that the two of them, were going back and forth, deciding whether they should even go camping, she was considering going camping alone, etc. I told her she should go with her girlfriend camping. (I wanted her to go and figure things out with her girlfriend, and if she decided it was over, it would really be over, I didn't want to interfere with that decision) She had also said to me, that if she were to become single, she didn't want to jump right back into a relationship, she wanted to stay single for a while. So, while she was away camping, she sent me a text message, that she and her girlfriend were having a great time, and she realized that she and I couldn't be friends anymore, etc. To be honest, I was a little hurt, because we were talking everyday, spending time together, 3 to 4 times a week, and before her 2 day camping trip with her girlfriend, she told me she wanted to spend more time with me. I was hurt, that just like that I was tossed aside. I went on a online dating site, that same day, really to just convince myself that I would find someone else, etc. In my search, I came across an ad that her girlfriend had up, it appeared to be an old ad, but she had updated it with a line, stating she was currently in a relationship until further notice, I emailed her the ad her girlfriend had up. (yes, I was mad, wrong or not, it made me laugh a little that her girlfriend clearly hadn't taken down her date ad, (they have been dating a year, so in a years time, she didn't take down, her dating ad). I will say that the woman I like, would have a problem with her girlfriend going on a date, matter of fact, what she said was, if her girlfriend wanted to go on a date, she would be single, etc. So, now her girlfriend and I are on the same dating site, where she's updated her profile, and is on everyday. (her girlfriend does not know, I'm on there, but she's looked at my profile, where I clearly state, I'm looking for a relationship) Her girlfriend had not taken down the part she's currently in a relationship statement. So, she texted me with we can't be friends anymore, about two weeks ago. A week ago, my dog had eaten some poison, and I raced him off to the emergency vet, and long story short, I didn't know if he would be okay, and I reached out to her, very upset. She sent me a text back, that she was sorry about what had happened, but she couldn't help, etc. That she doesn't want to speak to me. I texted her back, and told her to delete my number that in my mind, this was unforgivable. That was a week ago, we haven't spoken at all since. And I'm really starting to miss her now. (another thing she had said to me was that to walk away from her girlfriend, she wanted to really try to make it work, and eventually wanted to stop talking to me, and focus on making that relationship work, then if it didn't she would know for sure it wouldn't work) Also, her girlfriend had told her that if they were not living together by the one year mark, she would break up with her. She was considering letting her move in, but one felt like she was being pushed into, and secondly, when she started to consider it, her girlfriend did something that pushed it back. Honestly, I don't think their relationship will work. Where to be honest, I think we have similar values, and I think we could work. I don't know what to do, if I should give up on her and move on, wait some time, and if I still feel the same, if I should try calling her, etc. how long should I wait? I guess I'm just looking for some advice. Usually, a couple weeks after a 'break-up,' I'm not even missing the other person, unless it was serious, etc. Should I follow my heart here, or should I just move on? If you think I should follow my heart, how long should I wait to contact her, and what is the best way to open the door of communication again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): Hi all. I'm the one who wrote this, and yes I'm a female. Yes, I would say that myself and this woman have a connection. What bothers me the most, is I'm kinda left confused about this whole situation. She I guess in a way 'broke up' with me, but really gave no explanation. If she said, I want to focus on figuring my relationship out with my girlfriend, I wouldn't be thrilled, but I would understand where her head is at. If she said she wanted space to figure things out, again I wouldn't be thrilled. but I would be okay with it. She had always said that when she was single, she was going to pursue a relationship with me. And the text she sent makes it sound like she's mad at me for something, I don't know why she would be mad. She's kinda left me hanging not really knowing what to think. The thing is if her girlfriend was not in the picture, we would be perfect together. I really just want some closure here, and on top of that I miss her. I'm really fighting the urge to text her or call her. (it's been almost 3 weeks now) It's like everything was fine, and then with no real explanation, she says we can't be friends anymore. So, I would really like to open up atleast the lines of communication to get to the bottom of things. I do realize the longer I wait, the better response I will get. How long is long enough to wait? And I was forwarded a funny joke through text message, and I was wondering if I fwd it to her if it was a good way to open up communication without it being negative, so she's not defensive right away?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): I think Lisa999 assumes that you are a guy..and I quote..."I did not treat men vey well and I see she is doing this to you!" You are a woman, correct?
Forget this woman and find someone who loves you and can be in a monogamous relationship (if that is what you want). Here's the thing...the way she has treated her girlfriend, is the way you would be treated eventually. I think the challenge is what has you hooked right now and the fact that she was 'honest' with you has you believing that she would be different if you had a relationship with her...is that correct?
She is wishy-washy, inconsiderate of other's feelings and thinks only of herself, not how the other half feels. These kind of people do not make for good relationships. You deserve better and will find better if you just put this in the past and stop dreaming about it :) You are better off without her controlling this rollercoaster ride you willingly got on.
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Yikes!! Firstly I admire that it does not bother you that she was with a woman but wonder why you weren't more cautious when she is presently with that woman? I have been involved with women before and it can be an intense emotional rollercoaster and very difficult to end the relationship and the lifestyle. From a bisexual point of view when I was with women I did not treat men vey well and I see she is doing this to you! I dont mean to be insensitive but its as though you are her play thing and that it is part of the game that her and her girlfriend are playing with each other just a feeling but I think she is still in love with her gfriend and brought you in initially to make her jealous? Then you became friends and it got confusing because there probably was a connection there? All I see out of this is trouble trouble trouble and unless you like that kinda thing I would go back out and meet other girls that aren't involved. This girl sounds fun someone that girls and guys like to be around but not someone that I would risk my heart for if you want an honest relationship! p.s I am now dating a guy and am madly in love with him but I wanted to cut my girl girl connections to give our relationship the best shot at love!She needs to cut hers or she is just not that into you my friend!
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