A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:I know a lot about myself and why I react a certain way to certain situations. But I want to know how I can overcome my pettiness complex. I am still twisted and angry that all the girls at school and university ignored me. Is this being petty? What should I do to get this fact out of my head? Someone said that there might have been girls/women who liked me years ago, but they didn't approach me because they might have expected me to make the first move.I don't think I'm a sook. I just want what everyone else got. I am quite jealous of others. And I might take a lot of this pettiness to the grave.What should I do? Should I immerse myself in self-pity, or just get over it?Even in Chile, not one girl/woman found me attractive. I spent time there once. So as you can see, I have been snubbed by the whole female population. And I'm pissed off.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (11 May 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question These are all good answers. I know it's not good to be pissed off all the time but it's natural. We all have to let out our anger and frustration in some way. I do it over the internet. I get all my negative feelings out there. Then I scream all the abuse I can think of at the walls of the house.
Everybody gets angry sometimes. Thanks for your help.
A
female
reader, greenflower  +, writes (11 May 2010):
I had the same exact problem. Except, I'm a girl. I'm angry that the entire male population overlooked me. I try to make myself attractive, to be friendly, etc. But sometimes it just doesn't work.
I used to figure, "hey, i'm pretty attractive, normal weight, smell nice, so why are the guys-only-looking-to-get-laid not even talking to me?"
There are just certain things, we'll never understand. I see tons of attractive guys around but society teaches us, girls give off signals and guys make the move. So far most guys haven't seen my signals. Maybe you're one of those... that just hasn't seen them.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (11 May 2010):
 Cerberus is so right, I agree! To his comments I would add this: make peace with yourself, put away all the need for attention and affection because then you focus on how to make women like you and you are not being yourself. You are becoming someone who is fake and trust me, women can smell this behavior from miles! Try to learn to be happy, with or without a woman. Cheers!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): What did you do to make yourself attractive to them? To be honest with you my friend and I don't mean this as an insult but you're thinking like someone with a false sense of entitlement like women are just supposed to be attracted to you. That's not how it works unless it takes work and effort.
I mean this in the sense that we still live in a world with strong gender roles that most people follow. In general it is the guy that has to make the move and this is especially the case if the guy isn't a brad pitt lookalike. Even those naturally good looking guys work hard to remain attractive and put themselves out there.
If like me you're just average looking, then you have to show women your other attractive qualities. I don't get much female attention at all so I have to do all the work and I have to sell myself to them because most of them can't see the things that make me a beautiful person from a distance so I have to show them. Saying all this there are plenty of girls that do find me attractive from the outset but again I'm the man and hence I'm rarely going to be approached by them.
You need to snap out of it, no girl wants a bitter guy filled with self pity, that's something which is very obvious from a distance by the way and it's a very unattractive quality. If there's things about your looks like extra weight etc. that you'd like to imporve do so, but above all start working at making yourself appealing to women, and start talking to them, making moves etc.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (11 May 2010):
 IT is good you recognise some qualities about yourself that may be harmful. You may wish to consider that it is not as though the whole female population is ignoring you...you just have not been seen.
All these negative feelings are noticed by others as well. Ever been around someone you don't even know and get the impression he is angry?
These negetive emotions are picked up easily by women...and even though you may be a nice happy person, the impression that you give may be a rough one that says "leave me alone".
It is always good to be mindful of the face you give the world. We all struggle with such things
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