A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So...I'm dealing with some friendship issues...Is it wrong to back out of a newly-made friendship if you no longer feel chemistry with that person?This will be long because it's sort of a complicated situation.Basically, I make videos online talking about music. A person found my videos and he started chatting about music in the comment section (he's 20 by the way, I'm 21). I responded because I never really had someone interested in a lot of the same bands. We chatted for hours via the Youtube comment section, and I really did enjoy it quite a bit. Eventually he shared his facebook account and I added him. That was my mistake...He wanted to instant chat all the time! At least on Youtube, it's not instant, it's more like you see a post and respond later when you have the time. Plus I would only go onto Youtube after classes and everything. Facebook I'm actually on throughout the entire day.I didn't mind the chats on FB at first, they were very similar to the Youtube chats. But things changed when we started branching off into non-music topics. We had nothing in common! He always wanted to talk about other things that I knew hardly anything about and to be polite I would try to contribute. I'd ask questions, etc. But anything I wanted to talk about would sort of get brushed off so I wouldn't pursue it any further.One day things got a little serious. He seemed to have had like a panic attack or something along those lines. And I stuck with him to try and figure out what was going on. I sort of talked him through it. And we had other serious conversations at other times too and I DID mean the things I said. But in my mind I was just being polite. We were sort of friends, and I thought, okay 'a good friend would try to help out to the best of their ability.' So that's what I did.Eventually days would go on and he'd try to chat more and more. We'd get into disagreements, there were a few misunderstandings, and one day he crossed a line and offended me. I was very angry and I told him exactly why. But he didn't quite get it. But he apologized. We settled things supposedly.We didn't talk for a week, and I felt relief because I was starting to feel trapped in this 'friendship.' I didn't have the time to constantly chat all day and I'd feel bad when I couldn't. Plus I wasn't really enjoying the chats anymore because he kept showing an attitude/personality that I wasn't fond of. Constant swearing, superior opinion type attitude, etc. I was just bored of it and didn't enjoy it. But then he messaged me a week later. Apologizing again for the argument, but then saying that I had pissed him off so he needed to take a break from me. This bothered me. I told him why I had been upset. I would have appreciated it if he had told me that I had done something to piss him off because then I would have apologized. I never responded. I was angry. Plus I didn't want to talk anymore. It was like he was becoming clingy.I kept ignoring his responses because I thought he'd get the hint and leave me alone. I eventually went on a forum website and asked others what they would do to break off an internet friendship. I asked if they would just continue ignoring until the person went away, respond with a reasoning of why you want to unfriend the person and then block them on everything, or just block them entirely with no response. The majority vote was to respond with reasoning and then unfriend so that's what I did. I posted a rather long paragraph explaining that my schedule was too busy to chat (end of school semester) and that we didn't really get along all that well. But I didn't insult him or anything I just said we had two different personalities. I warned him that I would be unfriending him after posting that comment, so I wouldn't see a response. Because I didn't want to get into any more arguments. I didn't want to try and fix things, I just wanted out. But I think that's where I went wrong...by unfriending and blocking him right away, I think it angered him more. He ended up going to my Youtube account and leaving a mean comment. I thought that was it. Until today. I saw that he had actually personally messaged me on there and he had sent me the longest, most hate-filled message I have ever received. It was bad...I haven't responded but now the whole situation just won't leave my mind. People told me, respond, unfriend, and stick with it. Don't give him a second chance. But he thinks I used him and pretended to care. I was just being a good friend at the time! I understand that there's no proper way to tell someone you no longer want to be friends, but I'm afraid he's so angry at me because he was more invested in the friendship than I was. He's obsessed with having internet friends (as he told me). I never have internet friends. I don't even use the facebook chat with anyone. He was the only person that would use it. I just saw him as someone I met on the internet. But I think he saw me as a really close friend just because we shared some semi-serious moments. Am I terrible person? Was I wrong to back out of the situation in the way that I did? Would there have been a better way to handle it? He did tell me I should have just told him how I felt instead of ignoring him...but like I said, I didn't want him to attempt to fix the situation, because I wanted the freedom to end the friendship. I guess the reason I'm making such a big deal is because I used to be that person who wanted people to like them. I didn't want to give people a reason to dislike me. And now this is the first time someone has repeatedly told me they hate me and even more horrible horrible comments. I know this is all internet related and I have him blocked on those sites, but the whole thing is just festering in my mind, and I feel like an awful person. I felt trapped! I wanted out. Was that so wrong?How would you have handled it?
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a break, facebook, the internet, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 November 2015):
 I think you handled things in a very mature manner. You tried to be friends, you realized that you didn't have much in common, you didn't like the way he acted and so you no longer wanted to be friends. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! You were far nicer than many people would have been, so stop beating yourself up. The guy is a jerk.
I don't make videos on youtube either, I just watch it and I know that people can be very cruel on there to people making videos. People seem to think that the internet is a place where you can just say whatever you want since you are "anonymous". Its not right, but it happens all the time. I know you can make your videos where comments are disabled...and like HoneyPie says I'm assuming you can block people
Just ignore him, sweetie. Keep ignoring and blocking. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2015):
 EDIT
Sorry! I seem to have problems with the letter u on my keyboard. So please disregard the typos!
And OP read this perhaps?
http://blog.techgenie.com/online-safety-tips/smart-ways-to-keep-your-online-presence-safe-and-protected-2.html
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2015):
No, you didn't make a mistake in blocking and removing him from your Facebook.
He is upset that yo can't be controlled/bullied into doing what he wants you to do (and that is pay attention to him 24/7).
I don't know how posting on YouTube works (I only watch stuff on there :) ) but I wold presume that yo can block a user? I and I also presume that yo CAN forward "hate-mail" so he can be blocked or banned. Found this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RF8XeYuL9I
You are NOT an awful person. You just have limits to what yo are willing to put up with from a semi-stranger. We all have limits. This guy doesn't respect your limits or boundaries and the BEST think yo can do is be consistent and BLOCK him/REMOVE him from your life.
I also think this guy is sick (mentally ill) but he KNOWS that by Abusing You through YouTube and your mail he can MAKE yo think YO did something wrong, when yo didn't. THAT is what GETS him off.
So ignore - ignore - ignore - block - block - block.
You are ALLOWED to choose whom you want in your life and whom you don't.
PS save that "hatemail" in case he cases more trouble. But even IF he makes other accounts to harass yo with, keep blocking him - you DID NOTHING wrong!!!
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