A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I wonder if someone would kindly tell me once and for all whether there are two distinct states of relationship i.e. romance/lust vs the friend zone and can one move from one into the other and vice versa. A hybrid version of this is of coure the 'friends with benefits' scenario. So, would it be true to say that these three states of being are compartmentalised i.e. you can only be in one box with one person in any given situation, or really, do these three boxes not exist, rather the states of being are actually all on a straight line whereby one merges into the next depending upon circumstance. There's this woman at work who I have a really big crush on - but sadly she does not feel the same about me and so we do not talk any more. Which is a shame. That was nearly a year ago. Now there is another woman at work who I have a secret e-mail based friendship with who exchanges intimate secrets with me, but who is also attractive but I do not have feelings for her as such. We have a great rapport and she knows about my failed approach on the other woman and I know all about her various crushes. We do not really talk face to face much i.e. in communal areas, but cannot stop e-mailing each other. She is clearly available and she knows I am, too. We are very honest with each other. Is this the friendzone or could this become the friends-with-benefits zone? Shall I ask her out for a drink - is that the only way to progress into the '...with benefits' arena? I'm sure that if she turned me down we would still be friends afterwards - if indeed that's what we are at the moment!Thank you for your help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): ...many thanks!
She knows about my x2 children, too and my battle-axe of a partner! Sorry I forgot to mention this first time around. Me and my memory!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 April 2009):
So you don't like her, you fancy another woman but you fancy a no strings shag so you have written an essay about labelling relationships to try and find out how to do it?
Well it's simple.
Ask her out. When you are out, have fun, talk, tell her you don't want a girlfriend at the moment. Put a move on her and if she responds take her back to your place. Tell her BEFORE you get there that it's just a one night thing. Use condoms.
If she says she wants a relationship, or likes you as more than a friend then DO NOT have sex with her as you'll be taking advantage of her feelings.
You'll just have to go out and find a woman that you don't really know to have sex with instead.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Love4Life  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Well first off usually friends with benefits come from two people who have known each other or have been friends but don't want anything else from each other but sex. Next you have to ask your self do I like her more than a friend? If you do you will want to be honest and try to have a relationship with her. Because if you tell her its just a FWB and changing your mind later will not only be uncomfortable but end your FWB relationship. to answer the first question, People start off friend then they have three choices. One they stay friends. Two They are friends but sometime are lonely so they fuck with the understanding that's all it is. Three they know they will never be happy with just friends and so the devote to each other. I hope that helps you and I hope you make the right choice....Miah
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