A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm just a little confused by this guy's behaviour and I'm not really sure how he feels about me or if he feels anything at all. I've known him for a few years but it's more his behaviour over the last year that's had me stumped.At first he was absolutely fine with me - he's nice to everyone, sure, but it didn't seem like he actually disliked me and was just being civil towards me. He asked me if everything was ok when I was feeling a bit down and didn't let up when I told him I was fine. I later talked to him about the problem I was having and he just listened for over an hour and said I could talk to him any time I wanted. He said all these lovely things about me - perhaps to lift my spirits but they felt genuine.When I saw him again in passing, he seemed a little distant, cold even. I just pegged this down to him being a bit busy and distracted as I didn't think it right to automatically assume it was about me. If he sees me, he'll always ask about my problem (just asking how things are). He generally seems quite happy to see me but there are times when it seems like he doesn't want to talk to me at all (but, again, not taking this too personally).There was one time a few months ago where he had this huge smile on his face (not something he does very often to anyone) and this look in his eyes...I'm not sure how I can describe it really - perhaps a look of affection, almost? There was something that felt different about the way he looked at me (maybe it's all in my head here but I felt something).The next time I saw him, he was just so happy to see me and was saying how much he had missed me (even though he'd seen me quite recently). He was being quite emotional in a way...just saying all these things. I guess I didn't really know how to react so I was perhaps a little abrupt in leaving.I saw him again the following week and approached him to ask him how he was. He seemed a little closed off but he continued the conversation. His responses were a little blunt though.For one week, I hadn't seen him at all because I was feeling a little under the weather (he knew about this and told me that he hoped I got better soon). I asked him if I could talk to him but he ignored it the first time. I tried again and he told me he was busy. He's never just left me hanging like that. All those times I'd seen him after, it was as if he was trying hard to avoid me - he didn't even ask how I was feeling now or try to rearrange when I could talk to him (this might not seem like a big deal but this is definitely something he'd do to anyone). It just felt like he didn't want to be anywhere near me and it was a change from his earlier behaviour. The following week, I asked him in person if he had 5 minutes to spare and his face dropped for a split second just as I asked him (reinforcing the feeling that he didn't want to talk to me). When we were talking, it actually felt like he was just being civil. He couldn't even smile at me. He was just being so defensive and blunt. I asked him if everything was ok and he just said 'why wouldn't they be?' then said 'look, I should get back to my work, I have a lot to do' so I left.This has being going on for a couple of months now (despite the fact I hadn't seem him for quite a few weeks in between). Yet I can still sense him looking at me whenever we're in the same room. If I turn to look at him, he'll abruptly look elsewhere or continue staring for a few seconds, then look away. It just feels like he's gone from happy to see me to never wanting to see me again and I just can't understand why he's so suddenly changed. It honestly feels like he doesn't care anymore.I'd almost expect this kind of behaviour from a teenager but he's a grown man.Maybe I've been reading into things here but I just need an outside perspective. (Sorry if this is all a mess) Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, need_somebody2love  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 I feel the same way i am homeschooled i have no clue what to do but e-mail me if need help:-)
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 May 2012):
 What do you want from this man? Do you want to date him?
If so, your feelings are valid - i.e., it's fine to want to begin a closer relationship, but if he does not, then I'm afraid you have to accept it and move on.
It sounds to me as though the man is concerned about you when you had a problem, and times when you weren't feeling well. He was willing to listen and try to help you, but beyond that he really hasn't shown an interest in taking it further, now has he? And granted, that may not be what YOU want, either, but we have no way of knowing what you want unless you tell us.
You say he was happy to see you at first and quite friendly; then you didn't see him for another week and when you asked how he was, he seemed somewhat closed off. It MIGHT be that at that time he was preoccupied with something - work, family, studies, whatever - and didn't really have anything to do with you personally.
so far so good.
However, next time you saw him you asked him twice if you could speak to him and he wasn't receptive to the idea (ignored it to begin with, then said he was busy). That was plain enough and you'd have been wise to drop it then and there. But no: the following week you tried again with the result that he was itching to get away - he was blunt and finally told you "Look, I'm busy, I have to get back to work."
What to do now? Basically nothing. I think he went from being hlepful and friendly in the beginning to feeling distinctly pressured (and with good reason). What you CAN do - and would be well-advised to to - is to back off.
In other words, when you see him say "Hi" and keep on walking (if you're going somewhere). DON'T initiate conversation or attempt to ask him how he is, or what's wrong! Keep this up for a few months and see whether he approaches you. If he does, fine, if not, continue to be cordial WHEN you run into him, but otherwise remove yourself from the picture, and consider this a lesson (hopefully) learned!
...............................
|
