A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Having come out of an LTR at the beginning of the year I felt ready to date again. I've recently moved and so everything was a new start. I went online dating and was messaged by someone very unlike my previous girlfriends and after lots of emails and online chats we met up.We had a really great time and ended up having 10 dates over the next 4 weeks. It moved much quicker than I would normally move things, but I let her take the lead to some extent because she had been single for two years, both her previous boyfriends from those times cheated on her, so she said she was wary of starting a relationship.As I was only several months of out my relationship (which had been sexless for years) I was quite happy to go very steadily but she moved things along. I went to bed with her earlier than I normally would but it seemed right and she was constantly texting me and it was the best sex I ever had.She had all sorts of issues about her weight and apparently I was the loveliest guy she'd met in years. She'd had two dates earlier in the year but neither wanted to see her after the first date.Anyway, for various reasons, she made me feel good about myself for the first time in years and apparently I did the same for her. Then out of the blue she texted me and said she needed to see me but I was busy and couldn't. So she rang me and basically said we could only be friends because someone from her past had turned up and she wasn't sure about her feelings.We said at the beginning we would stay friends if it only lasted a few months - although I have never been one to "have a fling" and I have slept with only a few women (I am 36). I can't believe this bloke suddenly turned up out of nowhere and that she used me to see if she had got him out of her system - and obviously she hadn't.I said while I wanted to be friends (and I was, so she said, incredibly lovely when she dumped me) I didn't think I could do so immediately. She agreed. Then I got a Facebook message repeating that I was lovely, it wasn't my fault but there was the other bloke. She said she couldn't be friends with me on Facebook for a while, blocked me, but said she wanted us to be good friends very soon.I didn't expect to be hurt but I really am. I feel she was using me and if she does get back in touch I will say I can't be friends with her. It was going really well, not a case of things not working out (from which I could be friends). The problem now is that having been made to feel so good about myself - and I really opened up to her about things, as she did with me - I now feel really lousy. If I'd done something wrong I could learn from it, but how do you trust again when the first relationship turns out to have been a using one? How do you deal with being told that you are lovely, the nicest guy in years, really caring, good in bed and yet be dumped almost the next day because of feelings lingering for someone from YEARS ago who cheated on them and treated them badly? Makes me feel I should be a bastard to keep a woman interested than being decent!
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female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 You know, this girl probably didn't go into your relationship intentionally using you to scope out her feelings for this other guy. However, when he got back in her life she probably realized she needed to pick which one of you she'd rather date. She picked the one she knew longer, had more of a history and yeah...some girls are drawn to assholes.
BUT NOT ALL OF THEM.
I hate when the good guys 'go bad' to attract a girl. Ya know, real bad guys do the opposite, they charm a girl until a certain point when their true colors shine. Its usually not right away when a 'bad boy' treats his girl wrong.
Its impossible to change who you are, or at least really hard. You'll come off as fake, probably.
Ever heard of the quote
"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the
top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree"
SWITCH THE 'GIRLS' TO 'GUYS'...its true both ways. It may seem like 'all girls like bad boys' but its much easier to find dickheads then it is to find a decent guy.
So in this 'quote' you are the guy on the top of the tree that stupid girls at the bottom of the tree can't recognize how awesome they have it.
A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 every woman is different. you cant varnish them with all the same brush.. you will find someone for you. if that girl let you go when are her best, shes the one who should be on this website asking why did i leave him? seriously! very replaceable!
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