A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I finally told my boyfriend that I no longer wanted to be exclusive with him.I gave a few reasons but really didn't want to bust his chops so just wrote some of the main things that were bothering me.I have always been the one who calls, texts, emails, visits, etc. in the relationship. The past couple of months I mostly stopped to see how much effort he would make.He would go all week without contacting me. It was like I didn't exist.We had been together several years and he never told his family about me.So he responds to my email basically twisting everything I said around on me and accusing me of not calling him and ignoring him and so on.He conveniently didn't reply to about 3/4 of the email.Not once did he say he love me. It was just playing the victim and trying to twist everything back on me. Then he asked if i found someone else.I haven't responded yet. How do you respond to someone who likes to play the perpetual victim?
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female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (28 May 2008):
 The fact that you're having this type of discussion over email seems a bit weird to me - and indicative of a r'ship that maybe isn't really going that well...say goodbye!
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (28 May 2008):
 hi,
it looks like you are making all the effort, which is what he wants. He's obviously got some issues to solve , but after 7 years if these havent come to the surface then they never will.
So the way I see it , you are his fallback position a person he doesnt have to commit to, I think you are more than within your rights to clean your slate.
There are plenty of guys out there who would welcome a committed partner, get out there and you will meet one!
Leave this man and his problems to his own family as he obviously doesnt want you to be a part of it.
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. They are all excellent.
My friends who know us both are saying the same thing that he is too immature for a real relationship and that he will never be the kind of partner I deserve or need.
I only posted about a few of things he does.
It is nearly impossible to talk to him because he either avoids the topic, clams up and won't say a word giving me the silent treatment, or goes on the defensive making himself out to be the poor mistreated victim and I am the jerk.
My friends say I have given far too much in this relationship and he has been lazy and mostly coasted and taken.
I wish it wasn't true but I am thinking they may be right. I haven't replied to his email. I don't think I will as I don't want to encourage manipulative behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hi there,
your boyfriend sounds like a child and does not deserve you.
He needs to grow up and start giving you the attention you deserve, it sounds like you are giving more that your fair share in this relationship and you are not getting anything back.
Do you really need someone like this, it sounds to me like so much hard work, i am sorry for you..its will drain all your energy eventually if its not doing so already.
Life is too short, you have stated your reasons and he does not seem to be listening...
I would move on, its not good that he twists thing around the whole time, sometimes men like this need a good kick to get them moving to see what they have in front of them.
Walk away, it may shock him into reality. its better for you. If he does not wake up then at the very least you will know you did the correct thing.
Good luck and take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): You're not happy in the relationship. Maybe you should just leave it rather than remaining with him and seeing other people, which I honestly think (from his reaction so far) is just going to make him worse.
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