A
female
age
51-59,
*amurai girl
writes:(Mod Note: Two questions in one.)How do you reconcile differences and live w/ the unresolvable?How do you do this w/o feeling that you have compromised your values to be w/ someone?How do you feel intimacy and attraction to your partner by agreeing to disagree on things important to you, which you think reflect the difference in your values?If you are a woman over 35, what made you decide to stay with your current partner?Despite the things you don't like and don't have to put up with? (I know, no one has to put up with anything, thank you).But when you reach this age, you can become set in your ways and less tolerant than a 25 yo because you are probably more sure of yourself and independent.What made you decide this person/relationship is good enough? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): It is a myth that in order to have a good relationship that all problems have to be solvable. In fact 90% of them are not resolvable, but you have to come to some emotional closure about it. Meaning that you both have to feel that you were heard, accepted and understood.
Sharing of values is important, you come from different families, so you are going to have some differences, but what you have to do is to decide what your most important values are and that they are not being violated.
What are your non negotiables for choosing a partner? As long as they are not violating your non negotiables it isn't a wrong relationship for you.
You are never going to find a perfect partner that has 100% of the things you desire in a mate, but 80% is about as perfect as you are going to find.
Only you can decide if someone is worth it or a relationship is worth it. Communication, trust, respect, admiration and appreciation and mostly committment and compassion for the other are what hold a relationship together.
A
female
reader, Yawzah +, writes (3 October 2009):
Well, I happen to think that it's hard to give an answer with so much unknown.
Marriages go on forever with each having differences of views. It's hard to say what to do or advice to give since there's no real issue listed.
If you disagee with something to do with your relationship, both should have respect each others views. Agree to disagree. But if you don't think you can do that then you need to decide if you should move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 October 2009):
I agree with the others. If you're in a relationship that goes against what you believe, or if you're not being listened to, end it and move on. Don't put up with second best.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 October 2009):
I'm not over 35 so I can only answer the top few questions:
Don't put up with unsolvable problems. If a relationship is not right then it is not right. Love is replaceable and there are other guys out there who will not have the same problems as this one.
Go and find another guy if you are unhappy.
Only you can decide which things are worth splitting up for.
Good Luck!! xx
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