A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you overcome and push past relationship and commitment fears? Because I really want to, but whenever i feel i'm getting close to a guy, i guard myself and start pushing him away. I try not to do it, but most of the time i do it subconsciously and will find excuses not to get involved, to convince myself i'm right in doing so.It annoys me because i want to experience that young teenage love. But then i don't like commitment, i know it's not getting married and it's just a relationship! But i've always been like this!? Yet when i think about having a boyfriend i love the idea and it makes me so happy when i meet someone. But then when i feel it's leading to a relationship, i get anxious or scared and start distancing myself. I don't know where this relationship issue comes from? I mean both my parents are happily married, nobody i know has had a bad relationship or is divorced and i'm super close with everyone in my family! But i want to figure out how to get past the commitment problem. Because at the moment i'm seeing this guy and already i feel like i'm pushing him away! I just don't want to keep repeating the same mistake with every guy, otherwise i'll never have a relationship and i'll only have myself to blame!So if anyone can help me, or rather give me any advice as to why i might have a commitment problem i would be soooo happy!!?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (18 July 2011):
 First of all, almost everybody is scared to start a new relationship. I don't know why it is, but it's very scary when you're getting closer to someone and you know you're heading toward a relationship. The thing you have to do is just suck it up and do what you need to do.Too often people look for advice and insight from others on their own behavior and issues, but in reality most of our problems are not something someone can just fix for us. It's like going to the doctor for bad posture and asking for his advice on fixing it. Here's your advice: stand up straighter! Pull in your abdominal muscles! Make an effort; it's YOUR back! Duh, right? But these days it's so easy to get help for every little thing we don't even realize we can, let alone try to, fix our problems ourselves. So what I'm trying to say here is you are suffering from something I like to call paralysis by analysis. You've identified this anxiety in you, but instead of just accepting it as a normal reaction, something most people might go through at one point, you blow it up into a 'commitment problem'. You've labeled it; it's escalated. And isn't that a nice solution, a nice crutch? If it's a 'commitment problem' you don't have to feel bad for not dealing with it yourself, because it's something that happened to you, something you can't control. Instead, you can come online looking for insight and advice from people who have never even met you, because you can, because it's easy. And you're hoping people will give you the answer to your problem here, or at least validate your concerns, but they can't, because they don't know you and because you probably don't really have a problem. Not a problem you can't easily fix yourself. You're 18-21 years old and you're afraid of starting a first relationship. Who HASN'T been afraid of that? There's your answer: this is just something you need to push through, on your own!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 We all want relationships and independence at the same time. Don't think there is anything wrong with you. Whenever you feel like disconnecting, do it gently and gracefully and tell him this weekeend no good but you would love to see him again next week. When you can reassure him that you are happy with him, he will feel safe giving you space.
"No one you know of has a bad relationship." Really? Or are they polite and good at hiding things.
"You are super close to every one in your family." Maybe that's why you need space to breathe.
...............................
|
