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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Well hi, I am so frustrated, I need advice or just some opinions on my situation. Please help. So, me and this guy started talking over a year ago. After a week of talking he told me he liked me, then after two weeks of hanging out and constantly talking we started dating. It only lasted a month, because he still had feelings for his ex. I was so hurt, but we decided to break up. We stopped talking, but it only lasted a week before we caved and started talking again. Ever since then, which was over a year ago, we've been a 'thing'. We talk basically everyday, all the time. He gave me rides home from school everyday, sometimes we'd pull over and make out or just talk and laugh, he always kissed me goodbye. We hang out all the time and when we're hanging out, I just feel amazing, everything feels right. Kay here's the problem, he's leaving for college in less then a month. He'll be in a different state. I'm a senior in high school, so next year after graduation I plan on going to a college that will be about three ish hours away from his, I had this plan before we even met. So the other day when we were hanging out and just cuddling, he asked me to be his girlfriend...I said no, because he's leaving in less then a month. I have been waiting for him to ask me that again for a year and now when he finally does, he's leaving. Why, why now? I wanted to say yes, I want to be his. but I doubt I could handle long distance. College is an exciting new adventure, he'll met tons of people and forget me. If we were actually together I'd constantly be thinking he's cheating on me and he probably would be. God, I like him so much, but he's way too good for me. When he comes to visit I want everything to be the same I wanna hang out and be happy, but if he finds a new girl we can't. Also when I go to college, we will be able to see each other a lot. Just why, why did he wait to ask me? I'm sorry about this rant, but I had to tell someone. please, I need opinions.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (22 July 2011):
Hi. That sounds like a great idea how you are going to handle this.
It's going to take the pressure off both of you, by keeping it at a friendly status for now, and once you are living closer to him next year, you can start seeing each other again more frequently, and see how it goes.
For the moment, there really isn't any other choice.
But like you said, it will probably be for the best for both of you, to do it this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe both want to keep contact with each other while he's gone, we're going to try our best to keep talking regularly and seeing each other as often as we can. But we're not going to be official, it'll hurt me to think he's with other girls, but in the long run it'll be better. Thank you both sooo much for your advice, it means a lot to me. Seriously, thank you.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (20 July 2011):
Hello again. Perhaps you could remain in contact after he goes, but tell him as much as you like/love him, you don't feel it's fair for either of you to get too serious right now, at least until next year when you are living a lot closer to each other.
Just tell him exactly what you have told us here. You don't want to hold him back and you don't want it to affect his studies at college. Education is pretty important, and we are really talking about his future here.
Tell him all this now before he goes away to college.
You do need to talk to him about it, to see what his thoughts are as well.
An LDR isn't going to be easy anyway. You might both be very unhappy being so far apart.
In that case, you could make it work in the meantime, by every so often organising between you, for one of you to go visit the other for a week's holiday. That's going to have to be in the college holidays. You're still in school yourself, so the holidays might be at the same time.
The holidays for college and school, are probably going to be about 8 weeks between one holiday and the next one. So there will still be quite a few weeks of not seeing each other in between.
Have a think about it anyway. It's a possibility.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI keep thinking about it and either way it's going to be hard a painfull; if I decide we shouldn't be officially together while he's gone, then he can freely date and be with as many girls as he wants and I'll probably lose him. But, if I decided I want it to be official and we'll do this long distance thing, I'd feel as though I'm holding him back from the experience of college. He's so amazing and any girl would want him, I don't want to lose him completely, but I don't want to hold him back either. Oh and I figured out we would be about an hour and a half to two hours away from each other next year. Which you're right, is a long drive. Uhm one more thing, we're both virgins and I want to wait a long time, but I want my first time to be with him and his with me...but if I let him go, he'll lose his to someone else. God, stupid college.
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A
female
reader, sarama  +, writes (18 July 2011):
the solution is simple, just tell him wanna be his gf,u know what a lot of our problems arise due to lack of communication. had he left? if yes am sure you have his number or at least internet is there always so contact him , when he is so much in love with you he won't have problem accepting u. And trust and faith is something that you have to keep on him. who says long distance relationships dont work when you have phones, net , social networking sites etc with you. listen make it a routine that you two will communicate with each other 2-3hours or something like dat as per your convenience every day maybe a couple of hours more on weekends .Share with each other whatever happens with you every day. after dinner you two can chat for an hour.just be his best friend dear and you will be his forever sweetheart.and most of all convey your feeling to him.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 July 2011):
Hi there. Three hours away from him is still a long time travelling, if we are talking about driving for 3 hours.
He probably waited till the end, because he wasn't sure until now. That's how it happens sometimes.
It wouldn't have made any difference to you, because he'd still be going away in a month to college, so nothing would change.
When you go away to college yourself next year, then you'll be three hours away from him. But three hours is still a lot of driving and would be very impractical to drive that distance just for a weekend. Well maybe ok for a weekend, but too far for just one single day.
All you can really do now, is to discuss it with him about how you think it might work.
What you said is right, that long distance is very lonely, and causes many doubts and trust issues, so it would not be easy.
And yes, there is a very distinct possibility that he might meet many girls and date them. The same could happen to you at home as well.
It's a bit of a gamble, and one not too many people would be willing to take. Although many do, and they suffer all those doubts, trust issues and loneliness just the same.
You have to think about it very carefully and weigh it all up in your mind, and be honest with yourself as to how you think you'd feel should you go ahead with it.
You have exactly one month to make up your mind.
Once you have made up your mind, then talk to him and express all the doubts you have.
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