A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This might be a stupid question, but: how do you stop feeling bothered about stuff from the past? When I think of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend [who broke up with me months ago], I still feel bothered by things.. I won't bore everyone with minor details, he never did anything terrible, just little things that weren't fair to me. Can someone just help me get it in my head that what's in the past shouldn't matter anymore? I guess the answer is in the question but yeah :/
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmjo, you're right, i just need more time to ride this out fully. And I don't talk to him anymore but oh well I just need to accept I can't tell him these things and hope he realises it himself.
TEM, thanks for the advice :) i agree, it is like a grieving process.
angelDlite, i think i do hold grudges! :/ but yeaahh i guess if i've learned something then i don't need to regret everything so much.
thankss everyone!
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (26 January 2011):
 hi
the past does matter, coz you can learn from it. any thought/feeling we have can not just be forgotten, especially the very good ones or the very bad.
in time, the hurtful things will hurt less, but they are a lesson. you might find you hold onto grudges longer than some people, but this is just part of your character, don't worry.
now, if you find that you are replaying these thoughts and feeling over and over in your head simply because you have got nothing better to do - then this IS something you can do something about! find nice things to keep you busy and your thoughts occupied - get a hobby, see your friends, plan nice things to do in the future
xx
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A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 You have experienced a loss. Whenever there is loss, there is grief. The length of time it takes to get over the loss depends on how much emotion you had invested in the object of the loss. Let's say it might take 30 seconds for a lost bracelet. How long for a lost relationship? It depends on a lot of things. I remember my first bad breakup. I was frustrated that I felt so bad for so long, but I had a lot invested in the relationship. We had made plans for the future. We had mutual friends. Now, everything had changed. I had to grieve the loss of that dream and start over. There is also the sting of rejection. It hurts. Eventually that hurt turns to anger, but anger feels a lot better. It is going to take as long as it takes. I'm afraid there are no shortcuts where grief is concerned. You have to allow yourself time to grieve. You need time to come to grips with the loss, what it means, and how you are going to go forward. There are things you can do to feel a little better. Stay in touch with your friends. Do the things you always liked to do. Go out whether you feel like it or not. Act first and the heart will follow. Finally, you'd be amazed how quickly he becomes a faded memory when you meet a new guy, and you will, whether you believe that now or not.
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A
female
reader, Emjo +, writes (25 January 2011):
 I'd say time is what it take.. just ride it out..
Or maybe, if you're still talking to the guy mention it.. say you're aware of the situation change but you feel you need to tell him these things to get them off your chest/let him know for future reference?
But time is the greatest healer.. and once he's out of your head, the annoyances will be too :)
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