A
female
age
51-59,
bootydoctors
writes:Lila here~ How do you know when you’ve found “the One?” Allow me to first dispel a common myth. Most of us have more than one “the One” in our life. With very few exceptions, we will all experience more than one great love in our lives. Each person who shows up as a great love is there to teach us a lesson (or two) and to bring us closer to unconditional love.Another common myth is that you can discern true love within the first 3-6 months of a relationship. Lila is sorry to say, it just ain’t so. What you’re feeling in the first 3-6 months… aka the Honeymoon period is a potent cocktail of hormones designed to make a man want to fertilize his woman’s eggs to propagate the species. Please do yourselves and the population a big favor by not falling for it. I don’t mean to sound negative. There are lots of great things about that potent combination of oxytocin, serotonin and other chemicals. I’m just saying that if you think you’re thinking clearly, you’re mistaken.After the honeymoon phase begins to wear off, here are some things you can look for to help you determine the staying power of this One:1. Are you truly yourself around her? Does she understand (or at least humor) your Three Stooges obsession? Does she really know how much you drink, smoke or eat Twinkies, and is she truly comfortable with it? Do you act the same way with her when you’re around each others’ friends?2. Is she truly herself around you? One way to gauge this is to check out if your friends see her in the same way you do. Obviously they won’t know her as intimately as you do, but they should have the general same impressions. Also, does she act the same when you’re alone together as she does around your friends?3. Do you trust her? Not just about monogamy (if that’s your agreement together) but do you trust her with your secrets, desires and ambitions? 4. How do you fight? Do you, or does she, bring up old wounds, or do you fight in the present, about the current hurt? Can you disagree without attacking each other? Are you comfortable with disagreeing, or do you try to smooth things over?5. If you weren’t having sex, how much would you still like her? Believe it or not, you will not always be wildly attracted to your partner. Even if she is a goddess, familiarity tends to take the spark out of the eroticism in relationships. And while the Booty Doctors have lots of remedies for that, the more you like about each other the tastier those remedies will be.
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reader, bootydoctors +, writes (11 May 2010):
bootydoctors is verified as being by the original poster of the question You are right, Doomed-Love, it is really an answer only the two of you can make. This was intended to help you make that decision, not give you a yes or no. :-)
Very wise words, Crissy! And you know, we often meet "the One" and have a great relationship with him/her, but it doesn't last. Maybe it's not supposed to last. Maybe it's just supposed to help us through a certain time in our lives, or a certain crisis, and when that thing is over, it's time to move on. Take the good memories and bury the bad!
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reader, crissy27blue +, writes (10 May 2010):
 This is a good topic and thank you for asking. You never know if you found the right one until you try. For example I dated this guy on and off for 4 yrs and we finally called it off but we never had a dull moment.He was in my life then and is in my life now.
The reason I knew this guy was the "one" was because he was willing to put everything on the line for me.We met when we both were working on our Associate Degrees,the folllowing semester he was supposed to attend a different community college to be closer to home but surprised me when he attended the same college as where we met just to be with me.He was my chemistry lab partner and we worked together in Calculus class which he was also in. Afterwards I transferred and he did the same yet he transferred to the same university as I due in part to their program and because I was going to be there.He had friends everywhere but he chose the same university.
I finally realized that he was the one for me when I had seizures and he showed up at the hospital to make sure that I was okay,he never questioned me and he left me be. Yes we disagreed yet we also acted like a marrid couple in many ways: he took care of me and I took care of him when sick,we cooked for each other and we helped each other with homework.He stood by my side on and off for 4 years but even love could not fix our problems.We broke up in June of last year and now I think of how much of a wonderful time I would have with him.We talked about weddings,he asked me what my dream wedding was going to be like,we agreed on the number of people,we both wanted to travel,put our kids thru private school,etc but I guess that people change.
Do I still think he is the one?Yes and with out a doubt.He is my best friend and the one person who is willing to listen to me and even when judging has good intentions.
So you know when the "one" is in your life when your life is for the better,when the other person has sacrificed everything to be with you,make sure that you are happy and complete,never made you change and brought you happiness.When you discuss your future together,when love is never spared or short of, taking challenges together,acting like a married couple and best friends.When you meet the person who is the "one" you just know it even after years in the relationship and sometimes instanly.Think if this person makes you happy and the intentions they have for you,how they treat you,if they ever question you or your motives and how theu will treat you in the future.
Love and respect go hand in hand as well as trust as if you have everything unconditionally then you have 3 less things to worry about and things will fall into place.You cannot force how love is or how it will prevail.When you found someone who is "the one" you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person because be it for worse and better they make you who you are,because you are able to change and accept the needed flexibility in a relationship,stop being selfish,growing up and never having to make someone else be someone they are not or vice versa. Furthermore when you think of spending the rest of your life with that person,it does not feel like a burden but rather something you are looking forward to,discussing the future together and how you two want to grow old together then the person is the "one".When soneone gives back so much heart and soul yet never asks for anything in return, loves unconditionally and who sees you in every form or situation:bad,good,crying,laughing,etc...The people we find and call our own best friends and who can read us like a book are the ones that we later on end up marrying yet a sense of respect has to be established.When a person or both people are willing to put things on the line be it grades,health or academics to be with the other person then it is for real.
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reader, Doomed-Love  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I can't tell you if it's 'The One' because that is a desicion only you can make. A relation ship is never perfect but thats what makes you stronger. Being able to over-come the imperfections eachother have because you love them.If you truly feel that the relationship will work and you can be happy with him (and him with you.) Added with fiery passion. What can go wrong?Oh yer kids.. Well if you truly love each other then you should work as a team and babies isn't a one parent job.x
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